Hello Dear Friends

24242 Member Posts: 1,398
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I haven't been around much since returning to my work, after being off the past year. It is nice I must say contributing to the household as I am so use to doing. It is hard not working when that is all you have known and not having the strength to get through the days. I now seem to be just like most of the people I know, feeling over whelmed with everything we have to do. All my friends are tired and weiry since there seems to be no stability left in this world of ours. Christmas just another thing we have try and get done before the Christmas Day. I have decided I don't need to try and do it all, getting all done as I have in the past. I just do what I can and if I can't I finally know how to say NO I CAN'T DO IT!
It has been a year of truly adjusting to all that I am left with and accepting all that I am today. I am nothing like I was just 6 years ago and finding that I have dreams left to live. It is hard to put that foot in front of the other on the days I am feelign like crap. I still struggle through some very bad days of nausea vomiting and now migraines. But you know what, having a few bad days is still a whole pile better than being sick every hour of everyday. I am finding lots of days in the month that I can truly feel like I am moving past this disease phase and onto the next chapter of my life. It is tough getting through the days when I just want to scream and cry and kick the **** out of a few things. I have just had two days where I couldn't go to work and that upset me terribly when I am trying so hard to get beyond all this.
On top of it all I am still hating this format and wonder if I will ever get use to it. I see there are others who have moved on and I wish that wasn't so.
I am trying to get in the Christmas spirit and really all I have to do is think of all my friends here. I want to wish you all a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and nothing but cheer for the rest of our lives. I think of you often and wonder how you are all doing. Take good care of yourselves for if you don't, no one else will.
Happy New Year Too!!!


  • inkblot
    inkblot Member Posts: 698 Member
    Hi Tara:

    It's good that you're back to work, if it makes you happy...but do you think it's a bit soon for you yet to be trying full time? You seemed to be doing well when you first began part time. If you're still having days of being dysfunctional, it has to be a strain for you. How is your employer with it? Do they understand your situation and are they willing to work with you when you simply cannot go into work? If so, then that's a wonderful thing and you can continue working as you can and looking forward to the down days being less and less. Since you have continually improved, there's no reason to believe that you won't continue to do so! Keep the faith and just don't push yourself too hard.

    It sounds as if you're in quite a dark mood and I wanted to let you know that I care. Some days can just do that to us and all we can do is remain as positive as we can manage, knowing that it WILL pass. Ideally, before we entertain thoughts of punching Rudolph in the nose!!! Ha.

    As far as the Christmas spirit...we'll as far as I can gauge, that mostly means running around like loons, shopping, cooking, cleaning, trying to get everyone what you think (or know) everyone really wants as a gift. (At no other time of year would be be so bold as to make a list of material things we "want" and present it to our family and friends! May look a bit selfish, you know) Exhausting ourselves decorating, inside and out. (put it all up...take it all down...)Putting out our best holiday linens and china and entertaining like we never do the rest of the year. Meanwhile, feeling pressured, irritable and downright put upon, with not enough hours in the day to do all we've outlined for ourselves. My question is and always has been, WHY? If that's the Christmas spirit, then I say the fewer who have it, the better! Bah Humbug and don't worry about not having it. It's just something which most of us are conditioned to "think" we should participate in, and in a big way.

    It's one huge commercial frenzy generated by marketer's, seeking one thing...our dollars.

    Here's how I see things:
    Toys break, video games wear out, pearls snap, gadgets go on the fritz pretty soon, pricey linens become faded and stained, expensive china breaks. But LOVE, now there's a gift that lasts a lifetime. I also believe that patience (with ourselves and others)is a valuable gift too. Imagine if all that frenzied, obligatory, materialistic holiday "caring", was instead, relaxed and spread out over an entire year and given freely to our families, friends, mates and fellow beings! No sense of competition and no rushing to meet the "caring" deadline! Just maybe the world would be a better place and peace on earth may really have a chance. People would count hugely and dollars would count for very little. That's a comforting thought for me. Call me a diehard! Ha. So that's how I try to live my life, day by day. Doing what I believe. Giving what I have, showing my love and caring every day and working to manage the stress our world naturally brings us. Most days, I'm successful but there are times when things get a bit tough and we all have to just take a deep breath, focus and stay our course. It always improves if we also give OURSELVES that gift of patience and love.

    Why save ourselves up for Christmas? Charity and kindness are needed in the world every single day. If someone I love has a rough couple of days, even in February, I may make or buy something which holds meaning for them and give it to them...just because. Or just ring them to see how they're doing. Send an e-mail guaranteed to make them laugh. Whatever and whenever. We cannot choose our families, but we can choose our friends, and I feel so very fortunate that mine offer to me the same caring and attentiveness. Just always right there...even with the small stuff in life. That to me, is priceless and that's where the focus of my "giving spirit" happens to be. Not all gathered up in a big blowout called Christmas! If we are only caring and charitable from Thanksgiving through December 25th, then what happens the remainder of the year?

    All the money I don't spend on hundreds of lights and the power to run them, can help me to feed 6 people at the soup kitchen for a month! It's more sensible to me that my tax dollars help to light the local tree and that's one which everyone can enjoy seeing...Christian, Jewish, Buddhist...it doesn't matter. Lights are very beautiful but if there's no light in our souls, then what difference can it possibly make?

    So, Tara...SPIRIT? I think you've got plenty already! Just don't let it get caught in that big conditioned, commerical vortex called Christmas! As with most things in life, the simpler, the better! If we do choose to run round, frenzied about the holidays, then it's right for us, but only if we thoroughly enjoy it. Anything less and we may need to re examine our motives. If we simply don't feel like it, physically, spiritually or emotionally, then we don't feel like it. Are we not free to just be however we honestly feel about such things? Is it not each individual's right to decide on a personal level, without pressure, fear of judgment or recrimination? I believe it absolutely is.

    Finally, as is always the case, it would behoove us all to remember (especially at this time of the year) that our children are not only watching us adults, but may need time for a hug from us too!

    Sending you a big hug and hoping you feel better tomorrow!

    Love, light and laughter,
  • llb1
    llb1 Member Posts: 2
    Hi Tara, inkblot said it all , I agree. You take care, I am sending a hug and keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Love Emmi
  • grandma
    grandma Member Posts: 162
    Hi Tara,I am sorry you are having a bad day, don't feel bad, we all have them.
    Put your faith in the LORD, HE will help you get thru each one.
    If we remember what CHRISTmas is for, there wouldn't be all that big spending and hub bub each year, Just a small gift of love is all that is necessary. GOD bless you dear lady, and I hope and pray you will feel better and the LORD will heal you.
    Love, Hugs Prayers---Flo