Young children of mothers on chemo

bobbiejo

I have had my second treatment of TAC. After I lost my hair my two year old does not want to sleep without me. Any suggestions on how to talk/interact with her about what is going on?

inkblot

Hi Bobbijoe:

I think it's very difficult to try to explain cancer to a two year old. Perhaps just some play and dress up sessions may restore her feelings of security. If you have wigs and/or hats, scarves, etc., maybe you could tell her that Mommie's hair will grow back and while you're waiting, the two of you can try on the various headgear and add some funny make up or whatever comes to mind. Perhaps you could also get her a "bald" doll and a bit of material and make some very simple little scarves for the doll to wear too? I wouldn't render any of her own dolls bald...a new one may be a better choice. I don't know. Just some thoughts.

With two year olds, so much is about play and often that's the best way to reach them in times of difficulty. If nothing seems to help after a bit, then maybe you'd want to consider talking with an early childhood counselor about more options and ways to handle it. Sometimes, the more we can relax about it, the more those around us relax. If losing your hair was a major hurdle for you, in particular, and has given you a lot of emotional pain, then it may be too difficult to make a game of it. I had imagined that losing my hair would be really hard for me, but surprisingly it wasn't. I got through it far better than I'd expected. But we all feel differently about different aspects of the side effects we experience. For some, it's the hair loss, for others, it's the surgical scars of lumpectomy or mastectomy. For other's it's the trauma of fears about chemo/radiation. If you're not comfortable with a game scenario, etc., then it may be best to go ahead and consult with a professional about your daughter's new behavior.

I'm sure that some of our sisters here will also have some helpful ideas and thoughts to share with you. I realize how much this concerns you and at a time when taking excellent care of yourself is so important. It's a lot to handle.

Warm hugs your way and I know you will find what works, soon!

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

bobbiejo

inkblot said:

Hi Bobbijoe:

I think it's very difficult to try to explain cancer to a two year old. Perhaps just some play and dress up sessions may restore her feelings of security. If you have wigs and/or hats, scarves, etc., maybe you could tell her that Mommie's hair will grow back and while you're waiting, the two of you can try on the various headgear and add some funny make up or whatever comes to mind. Perhaps you could also get her a "bald" doll and a bit of material and make some very simple little scarves for the doll to wear too? I wouldn't render any of her own dolls bald...a new one may be a better choice. I don't know. Just some thoughts.

With two year olds, so much is about play and often that's the best way to reach them in times of difficulty. If nothing seems to help after a bit, then maybe you'd want to consider talking with an early childhood counselor about more options and ways to handle it. Sometimes, the more we can relax about it, the more those around us relax. If losing your hair was a major hurdle for you, in particular, and has given you a lot of emotional pain, then it may be too difficult to make a game of it. I had imagined that losing my hair would be really hard for me, but surprisingly it wasn't. I got through it far better than I'd expected. But we all feel differently about different aspects of the side effects we experience. For some, it's the hair loss, for others, it's the surgical scars of lumpectomy or mastectomy. For other's it's the trauma of fears about chemo/radiation. If you're not comfortable with a game scenario, etc., then it may be best to go ahead and consult with a professional about your daughter's new behavior.

I'm sure that some of our sisters here will also have some helpful ideas and thoughts to share with you. I realize how much this concerns you and at a time when taking excellent care of yourself is so important. It's a lot to handle.

Warm hugs your way and I know you will find what works, soon!

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

Thanks for your thoughts. I have let her play with my wigs and turbins/hats. It is better now. We have had the last three nights that she slept in her bed. I like the doll idea - I hadn't thought of that one. I am 33 and had a lumpectomy in July. I had a 2 cm. lump in my breast and a micro amount (.5 mm) in one of my lymph nodes. I have four more treatments before I do radiation. I think I have handled it all pretty well - it hasn't bothered tooo much about my hair. Knock on wood I haven't been sick from the treatments. Every one I have talked to has had a lump in their left breast. Has anyone else had it in their right?
I appreciate any support that you can give. I have alot of family and friend support, but it helps to hear from people that have been there. Thanks!!!!!

24242

bobbiejo said:

Thanks for your thoughts. I have let her play with my wigs and turbins/hats. It is better now. We have had the last three nights that she slept in her bed. I like the doll idea - I hadn't thought of that one. I am 33 and had a lumpectomy in July. I had a 2 cm. lump in my breast and a micro amount (.5 mm) in one of my lymph nodes. I have four more treatments before I do radiation. I think I have handled it all pretty well - it hasn't bothered tooo much about my hair. Knock on wood I haven't been sick from the treatments. Every one I have talked to has had a lump in their left breast. Has anyone else had it in their right?
I appreciate any support that you can give. I have alot of family and friend support, but it helps to hear from people that have been there. Thanks!!!!!

I was diagnosed at 36 and had a lump that was left to spread and did into lymphnodes with lump growing in a week. I knew I had cancer they didn't have to tell me, I had to beg them to take me seriously.
I had second breast removed a year later to the day because of reoccurring lumps at 4 had it removed. They also wanted me to leave the lumps but I refused.
Be good to yourself,
Tara24242

martyzl

Separation anxiety and Right breast cancers
Hello BobbieJo!
I have a (just turned) 7yr old daughter who cries every day she has to go to school, who doesn't want to go to sleep, begs to sleep with us and can be inconsolable. Breaks my heart.... She is terrified of me losing my hair (2nd chemo this coming Monday) and it's starting to come out now... 7 yrs and 2 yrs, a world of difference. Reasoning has not been helpful with Maya, I have told her that the hair will come back, that the chemo is doing it's job, etc. We are very open and very lighthearted around here. She is just terrified though... I do hope that your daughter keeps coming along smoothly now. You will have many good suggestions from this fine crew!

Ahh, *holds up hand* my right breast is gone. I had a Tramflap July 22nd, '02. Her name is Babette. *grins* The girls named her. I had a 2.5cm, Her2Neu 3+ tumour. Another 1.5cm tumour discovered during mastectomy and 3 of 22 lymph nodes positive, one being 1cm evolving into a tumour. I am 37, just have a few years on you... I wish us well on this adventure!!! I'll be watching for you, keep us up on how things are going, alright??

Love,
Marty

prettywoman

Hi. I have two children - ages 6 and 4. The doctor suggested I let them cut off my hair - so they would not be scared. I told the kids they were going to get to cut my hair - and they were so excited! Every day they asked "Is today the day we get to cut?" When my hair began to fall out we had a "hair cutting party" with cake. Now I guess this might not work for a two year old - but for others with kids in the same age range of 4-6 - I have to say I think it went well for them. Also, my daughter went with me to the hospital yesterday. I think this was very helpful for her. She didn't go with me when I was having the treatment, but stayed in the waiting room with a relative. She came home with all kinds of adventurous stories (pulled the string in the bathroom to make the nurse come running!). I think it was helpful for her to see the hospital, to take some of the mystery/fear out of it. Have a good day Bobbiejo!

bobbiejo

martyzl said:

Separation anxiety and Right breast cancers
Hello BobbieJo!
I have a (just turned) 7yr old daughter who cries every day she has to go to school, who doesn't want to go to sleep, begs to sleep with us and can be inconsolable. Breaks my heart.... She is terrified of me losing my hair (2nd chemo this coming Monday) and it's starting to come out now... 7 yrs and 2 yrs, a world of difference. Reasoning has not been helpful with Maya, I have told her that the hair will come back, that the chemo is doing it's job, etc. We are very open and very lighthearted around here. She is just terrified though... I do hope that your daughter keeps coming along smoothly now. You will have many good suggestions from this fine crew!

Ahh, *holds up hand* my right breast is gone. I had a Tramflap July 22nd, '02. Her name is Babette. *grins* The girls named her. I had a 2.5cm, Her2Neu 3+ tumour. Another 1.5cm tumour discovered during mastectomy and 3 of 22 lymph nodes positive, one being 1cm evolving into a tumour. I am 37, just have a few years on you... I wish us well on this adventure!!! I'll be watching for you, keep us up on how things are going, alright??

Love,
Marty

Hi Marty,
Thanks for the encouragement. I read on your web page about adjusting your diet. What advice can you give there? I really haven't changed anything. I haven't been sick from the chemo, so other than being hairless and a little tired the first week, I am pretty much doing the same thing I always have done. I wish I had found this site earlier than now. It is great to hear everyone's stories.
Hugs,
BJ

bobbiejo

prettywoman said:

Hi. I have two children - ages 6 and 4. The doctor suggested I let them cut off my hair - so they would not be scared. I told the kids they were going to get to cut my hair - and they were so excited! Every day they asked "Is today the day we get to cut?" When my hair began to fall out we had a "hair cutting party" with cake. Now I guess this might not work for a two year old - but for others with kids in the same age range of 4-6 - I have to say I think it went well for them. Also, my daughter went with me to the hospital yesterday. I think this was very helpful for her. She didn't go with me when I was having the treatment, but stayed in the waiting room with a relative. She came home with all kinds of adventurous stories (pulled the string in the bathroom to make the nurse come running!). I think it was helpful for her to see the hospital, to take some of the mystery/fear out of it. Have a good day Bobbiejo!

I wish I had thought of it. She would have loved cutting my hair. Kids learn so much sooo fast. Thanks for the ideas.
Have a great day!!!

ptomom

Hi, I am also a mom with young kids (3&10 at the time). I was always open and honest with them and didn't hide anything. We always explained that Mommy was sick and loosing my hair was part of getting better. I wore hats around the house at first, but asked them both if it would bother them if I didn't have too since it was more comfortable to me. It ended up being a norm for Mom to be bald (at home) and they rub my head for good luck Ha! Good luck to you. Love Darla

Sam7

ptomom said:

Hi, I am also a mom with young kids (3&10 at the time). I was always open and honest with them and didn't hide anything. We always explained that Mommy was sick and loosing my hair was part of getting better. I wore hats around the house at first, but asked them both if it would bother them if I didn't have too since it was more comfortable to me. It ended up being a norm for Mom to be bald (at home) and they rub my head for good luck Ha! Good luck to you. Love Darla

New hair not a wig when dealing with kids
At the time I lost my hair due to chemo I had a 2 yr 2 month and a 10 month old. I bought the wig in advance of losing my hair. Everyday my son would ask 'are you going to wear the new hair today' and eventually he got his wish and I started to wear it. Also, calling it 'new hair' means you are not embarrassed by the kids when out in public when they keep mentioning that 'Mommy is wearing new hair today'.