I can't handle this

judilirman Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Emotional Support #1
My husband of 30 years was diagnosed with liver cancer in April. It is very far progressed. He has had a chemo infusion at UCLA & a chemo embolization at University of Penn. He may have another embolization if the first one did him any good.

He is all over the place emotionally. He is paranoid, he flares, he doesn't remember what he says from moment to moment & insists we are refusing to give him what he has asked for or not respected his wishes to be not given things, he is isn't eating or taking meds regularly, he calls our 15 yr.old daughter names & lashes out at her so much that she, understandably & advisedly, hides in her room & then gets told by him that she is abusing him by staying away from him or yelling at him. I am working 12 hr days while our friend & daughter are with him. As soon as I come in, he gets me involved in his fights with everyone wanting me to mediate & rescue him while his sentences make no sense & he is verbally attacking them. He wants to start discussions to settle issues that I can't even follow much less do anything about at 1 or 2 in the morning & keeps waking me up if I try to go to bed. I get 2-3 hours of sleep a day, & I'm about dead.
I know it is the meds. He just started taking zyprexa & is a little better. He floats in & out of being lucid & reasonable so I know he is there.

I can't stop yelling at him. I get sharp with everyone & have started crying with my clients. My daughter is falling apart, & I'm afraid there won't be anything left of her when this is over.

Please, somebody talk to me.



  • crtsang
    crtsang Member Posts: 102
    How awful! You must be very strong to have lasted as you have been. Cancer always turns people's lives into hell, but not always this chaotically.

    Are there support groups you can find in your area, for you and your daughter? Is there a Gilda's Club, or Wellness Community or something like it? I'm not sure if you have enough money to do this, but could you maybe get a nurse to come in for a day every now and then so that you and your daughter can get away from the house to do something nice, knowing that he's being taken care of?

    It must help to know that his behavior has nothing to do with you, and is caused by the meds, but that only takes you so far, doesn't it? Really, you deserve anything you can do for yourself.

    Feel free to e-mail me here, if you like. I'll be checking the network pretty frequently.

    Hang in there!