i feel like i might have really messed up

ejprojects Member Posts: 18
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
she has stage 3b and possibly 4 and the doctors haven't been up front about the seriousness of this so i told her the survival rates as stated on an acs site.
(49% chance of surviving five yrs. for 3b,
11% chance for stage 4). i know these are averages and new drugs/treatments and lots of other factors apply, but these numbers scare me and i thought she ought to know
the truth. i just couldn't stand it anymore.
did i blow it as a mate/supporter? it just seems so serious, and she just wasn't aware
of the fact that this really is life or death. did i do a really bad thing? i just wanted to be honest with her. i care about her. i expect a ton of hate messages, but
a little understanding would be nice, too.


  • judy22
    judy22 Member Posts: 117 Member
    Yes you did bad, I have had stage 3 breast ca for 5 yrs. 2 and 1/2 yrs ago it came back in my liver. I am still going strong. I guess what I'm tring to say isnever say never
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    I too am stage 3 and the likely hood of this all is none of us really want to think about the stats of it all mostly negative. I think most women down play the risks even after having had cancer once already. I knew the chances and think we all should begin to realize is that it prolongs our lives for however long. Reoccurances are common but that doesn't mean the chemo was a failure because think about it? How many women actually die from their primary cancer seemingly breast cancer. I am happy for everyday I breath in and I breath out. It is that damn life is simple it just ain't easy thing.
    Don't beat yourself up,
  • nasa2537
    nasa2537 Member Posts: 311
    When I was diagnosed, I wanted to know EVERYTHING!!! We have a right to know what is going on in our bodies. Sometimes it hits home pretty hard, but I feel that the quicker you actually hear it and try to deal with it, the quicker you will fight with all of your being to beat those odds.....and it can be done....I know women who have. I don't think you're rotten...but now that you have put it in perspective, stand by her and help her with research, Dr's appts, etc. Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book is an excellent source of info. When she has the "totally overwhelmed" days, just be there. It's good she has someone who cares enough to let her know exactly what may be happening....now she needs someone who will be there to tell her it doesn't have to be that devastating...fight, fight, fight, with a positive attitude!!! God bless both of you...Cyndi [email protected]
  • ludasue
    ludasue Member Posts: 98
    When I asked my onc about my 'percentage' chance, he said he didn't talk in those terms. He said, while there are averages across the board, every case and situation are different. At first, I was upset with that, but now, 4 years later, I'm so glad we never talked in those terms. Sometimes, I think if people are told the worst case scenario, they begin to believe that is their destiny. Just be supportive of what she's going through and don't dwell on 'numbers'. When all is said and done, God is the only one who knows what our paths will be and how long we have. We should all live every day to the fullest ... cancer or not. Good luck to you both.
  • jeancmici
    jeancmici Member Posts: 665 Member
    Why do I think you are a phony with some time to spare on a Saturday night??

    Your messages have NEVER 'rung true' to me. Sorry if I'm wrong but I don't think I am.
  • laverne
    laverne Member Posts: 75
    jeancmici said:

    Why do I think you are a phony with some time to spare on a Saturday night??

    Your messages have NEVER 'rung true' to me. Sorry if I'm wrong but I don't think I am.

    several people from this site have said that your "story" is phony. I would hate to think that in this day of so much to occupy your time that this would be your source of entertainment. God will be your final judge.
  • bullfrog13
    bullfrog13 Member Posts: 213
    Dear Messed up,
    Do you really think that deep down she didnt know what her odds are? I alos have stage 3 and know that my chances are around 90% of yet another recurance. I live with that everyday and just live each day for what i can get out of it. Just be there for her and KNOW in her heart she understands,even tho she may not seem like it at times. trust me she does, perhaps she seems in denail more for her friends and family that is what I do.. duty calls and dont be to hard on yourself..... you did what you thought is right.... take care and God bless you both.. . jerilyn [email protected]