thank you

hollykiona

Thanks everyone for your messages, especially 24242 and susiern. I did join a support group right after surgery and I have been attending the weekly meetings for the last couple of months and really benefiting from them. The other members are various cancer survivors who are mostly in their 30s and 40s, which is nice, because my concerns and issues are so much different from survivors with pretty stable social/emotional/financial lives.

I regret sending that message yesterday; I was lower than I'd felt in a while. I do look forward to little things, and am glad I'm alive today. Several people asked if returning to my hometown would be easier, and quite honestly it would be a different form of isolation for me. Not only would the medical care be much inferior, but I have not lived there in almost ten years for a reason. My dear great-aunt, who raised me, and a couple of other friends are the only touchstones I have there. Maybe down the line, I'll feel like its time to return.

I've been trying to establish a relationship with GOD. I am envious of people so secure in their faith that they never feel alone. But I don't know how to get there. If wishing made it so... Any suggestions on that end would be appreciated.

Anyway... Thanks for all the warm thoughts. You all really helped me out.

holly

jeancmici

>>>I regret sending that message yesterday; I was lower than I'd felt in a while.<<
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Holly,
No regrets about your message - that's one of the reasons the network is here so people have a place to talk when they need friends to get some feedback on their thoughts and help with getting a better perspective on problems. When we're feeling miserable we often are unable to evaluate realistically, which is why I said ; sit tight and don't make any major decisions like moving again - that stuff- and I think from your comments here, you already feel your future is going to be better in Chicago - once you get a handle on your problems and- look - you already have joined support groups. I'll bet you've done a lot to help yourself that you forgot when you wrote at that low point.

Soon your co-workers - some at least - may turn into friends too.

Read the weekend paper - religion page - and get a feel for active and caring congregations - often United Methodist and United Church of Christ etc.

I think you are going to do just fine - not overnight- but soon. NOOO !! I do not have a crystal ball in front of me - fortune telling is laughable but your thank you note (which was very thoughtful)gave us some clues. The other 'girls' out there - do you agree with me????

Have a good weekend - you deserve it.

Love and hugs from Jean

P.S.I don't know where home was - how near to Chicago - age of your great-aunt etc. IF your great-aunt is still young enough to travel, have you thought of asking her to come to your place for maybe a month so you are not home alone. I live alone and often it's the home alone setting that gives rise to all the "what if this happens etc."

cherdaetwyler

jeancmici said:

>>>I regret sending that message yesterday; I was lower than I'd felt in a while.<<
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Holly,
No regrets about your message - that's one of the reasons the network is here so people have a place to talk when they need friends to get some feedback on their thoughts and help with getting a better perspective on problems. When we're feeling miserable we often are unable to evaluate realistically, which is why I said ; sit tight and don't make any major decisions like moving again - that stuff- and I think from your comments here, you already feel your future is going to be better in Chicago - once you get a handle on your problems and- look - you already have joined support groups. I'll bet you've done a lot to help yourself that you forgot when you wrote at that low point.

Soon your co-workers - some at least - may turn into friends too.

Read the weekend paper - religion page - and get a feel for active and caring congregations - often United Methodist and United Church of Christ etc.

I think you are going to do just fine - not overnight- but soon. NOOO !! I do not have a crystal ball in front of me - fortune telling is laughable but your thank you note (which was very thoughtful)gave us some clues. The other 'girls' out there - do you agree with me????

Have a good weekend - you deserve it.

Love and hugs from Jean

P.S.I don't know where home was - how near to Chicago - age of your great-aunt etc. IF your great-aunt is still young enough to travel, have you thought of asking her to come to your place for maybe a month so you are not home alone. I live alone and often it's the home alone setting that gives rise to all the "what if this happens etc."</p>

this is to both Holly and Jean, and all who doubt their strength at times
***isn't that all of us***
I have been doing so well since my spiritual healing ceremony(see note somewhere down around mid May)...very energetic, very convince that we have this under control, BUT I read the radiologists report on my chest Ct scan from May 11 for the first time...the oncologists (both my rad one and my chemo one) had read part of the report to me, but neither had given me a copy. I had seen the scans, but the pinpoints looked so small, and the visible dots looked small too, and insignificant.
But letting my feelings about this pour out in an Instant Messenger session with my older son, brought faith back into focus, and the realization that if this is worse than the onco team made it sound, I will still beat it. I will continue to fight with all that is in me.

I agree about the "home alone" syndrome. Sometimes it is not even really alone. My husband had to go to bed in mid afternoon today, he is now getting up to leave for work, and the sensation of aloneness often strikes when he is sleeping, because I would never bother him then since he gets so little that it scares me.

Good active churches are a great thing. My active church is not the one to which I belong but the one in which I participate--a native American church--not a peyote church, although there are members who do also go to peyote churches--but a place with glorious active faith in our Creator and Healer, which makes such a difference.
My older son and daughter in law are members of a Society of Friends metting, and the deeply careing congregation there is also a place of healing and spiritual health.
Since they live 4 hours away from me I rarely get to go there but the kids involvement keeps overflowing into my life here.
Please note too Holly, many of us even a few years older still struggle with erratic finances and I know of few people who can handle all the extra expenses incurred by fighting a major illness without some damage to their financial position.
I juggle the budget monthly and often think at that time that it would be easier to just give up the fight, but both battles--money and cancer curing--keep on going.

Hey just remember we are all here for you--even those of us who don't get on here as often as we used to.
hoping you find joy in your life,
keeping you in my prayers, cher

24242

Holly,
We all understand about feeling down and low no need to feel bad for posting that message. I believe that is what this site is all about, a place to dump our feelings something most people aren't able to do. I too needed to find my connection with God and found a couple of books helpful. Seat of the Soul by Garry Zukav, a book about opening up your mind to other ways. Then I read Illuminata A Return to Prayer by Marianne Williamson. This book was something else. Now I finally feel like I have the tools for a better life. Hope you too will find what you are looking for.
24242Tara

rae_98390

Hi,

I really like that fact that we can write what we are feeling on this dicussion group board and everyone understands exactly how we feel. I have not been very active posting but I really appreciated the post you sent. (the one you sent June 1st I believe was the date) It helps to know how accepting people are here.

I am happy others were able to help you. It sounds like you are doing better today. Please keep us all updated on how it is going.

My belief in the Lord has helped me very much. I feel it is what kept me going when things became tough. My family and friends prayed for me before I had surgery, during the chemo and they still pray for me. I am a 2 year plus survivor. (Feb. 1999 I was diagnosised with breast cancer) Please email me at rae_98390 on this website and ask any question you would like. If I don't know the answer I will ask my husband, friends and relatives to give what answers we can. I would enjoy hearing from you.

You take care.

Cindy