encouraging word?

hollykiona

Hi, all. I posted for the first time a couple of weeks ago. Been down in the dumps for a while. Just not feeling like there's anything to look forward to. Have a feeling my 'significant other'-- who I though was going to move here in August-- is going to bail on me. Just intuition. No friends (not a one) and no family here and I feel like crying at the most unreasonable times. Think i'm going to go on anti-depressants next week. Maybe that will do the trick. I hope so. Treatment is going okay-- weekly Taxol. A few aches and pains in my hips and neck and I'm starting to feel pretty pooped, but I'm halfway though as of this week. That's a milestone at least. I'm 27 and feel like I have nothing to look forward to. And I hate that.

jeancmici

Hi Holly,

I hate to think of you feeling as you do away from your old surroundings. And yes,you have reason to be sad, tired and wondering about a lot of things.

Chicago is a big city and must have some cancer support groups - esp. try to find one for younger people - not like old-timers like me of 63 years.

If boyfriend bails out, well you know now he is not worth much.Better to know now than later. Friends who are not there when you need them are not friends

My advice on first thought and having made enough mistakes in decisions myself over the years is to sit tight right now.Very important.

Your first priority is finishing the chemo to help yourself physically. This will help other priorities in your life such as mood, friends etc.

You left home for chicago. We don't know much about that. While you sit having chemotherapy, try to figure out if the move was worth it, if only the cancer put a big damper on it or was it a mistake?

You have lots ot things to think about - pretty simplistic statement for me to make but i think you will understand what I am trying to say.

I know that many of the cancer patients in my treatment center are taking anti-depressants. Read the messages here - old ones too and note how many people have said anti-depressants are helping them a lot.

Would you be happier, do you think, if you returned home? but for now don't do anything but work on getting well, try to think of what will be a good solution once you are well, and for now keep your job - nothing beats a steady income and health insurance despite other drawbacks.

I too was living in a new city - alone - in my 20s and really know it can be lonely and hard at times. At one time I had a lump - only a cyst which was removed, but the uncertainty was frightening. DX of cancer has to be hundreds of times harder. Sometimes people really need a little sympathy so I'm sending lots of sympathy and some hugs too.

Courage, prayers and lots of good thoughts going your way.
Keep us informed and if you feel you can share more info so some of these ladies can offer you some more specific advice, do so.

I'm sure you will gets lots of suggestions better than mine.

Thinking of you and hoping you will feel content and better healthwise soon - Jean

lucy

Hi Holly - So very sorry to read your post and want to let you know that this is no way to be thinking at all. Get yourself out of the dumps right now and move forward with your life. You are 27 years old and have your lifetime still in front of you and you need to keep a positive attitude about everything. I realize that having cancer, losing your boyfriend and being far away from your family and friends is a lot for one person to handle at one time. But you have got to be a fighter as everyone else on this website is doing. Find a church there where you are now and get involved there - church family can be great supporters and will always "be there" for you. Let the Good Lord help you through this - it works.
You will be in my prayers and put that chin up please.
God Bless You - Lucy

luckyj

Dear Holly, Cancer is a bummer. It's ok to have a big pity party ...it's cleansing. If we could all be with you now we could have one big cry festival. After that it's important to get on with life, the good stuff and the bad. You are number one. Focus all your energy on doing what you need to do for yourself to get through treatment. Don't waste your precious energy on negativity. Anti-depressants are a great idea at this stage of the game and perhaps a support group too. Can you make a trip back home or have a family member come for an extended visit? Try to get lots of rest and eat well. It's easier to cope when you're rested. . You have a full plate right now, take it a day at a time. Make your self care a priority. Take a walk in the sunshine, smell the roses, and believe in yourself. I'm 52 and I'm looking forward to the sun coming up tomorrow. You hang in there! Love, Luckyj

bdean

Dear Holly:
You most definitely need someone to talk to. As has already been suggested, please find a support group. The first one may not work for you, but find one that will have some people you can relate to. Ask your chemo nurse or check the local hospital. I think every hospital now has some type of cancer support group. You need human contact to help your mood. Anyone who is only 27 years old and feels like they have nothing to look forward to is in trouble. Talk to your doctor--seriously. Show him/her a copy of this letter you wrote here so the doctor can see the depressed state you are in. Would you be happier back in your home town? If so, could you have same treatments you are getting now? You find out who your real friends are when you get sick. If your significant other has bailed already, you are lucky to find out their true worth. Looks are so deceiving. The bible says that man judges by the outward appearance but God judges by what is in a person's heart. Look to the kindness of the next person you get involved with rather than just the image protrayed. Please, go to church at least, or to a mission service. I know you are tired and weak, but you need the kindness of others, and friendship that I believe you will find at your closest church or temple or whatever your belief is--but please go!!!
I will be praying for you and hoping that God will give you the strength you need to overcome your sorrow and pain. Do you work with anyone who is more familiar with your area that could give you suggestions. (Please no bars--not in your state of mind). I can't help giving you all this motherly advise because you are same age of my child, and it is breaking my heart to think of you alone and no family to support you. You always have a friend who loves you and is there to talk with 24/7 and that is God. He is always where you left him--we must go to him with our troubles, and when he knows we are sincere with our prayers, he will lighten our load and give us peace.
May God be with you,
With hugs and concern, Brenda

amy_ohio

Hi,
I know exactly what you are going through. I gave up my job and moved in with my parents when I was dx. I did not know anyone in the town where they live and while I did have their support it was very difficult at times. They gave me strength but I could also tell how bad they felt.. how much pain they were in for me. I was 30 years old and living with my parents.
I got a part time job that would let me work around my treatments and that seemed to make all the difference. I met a group of people who went through every step with me. If my family couldn't go for bloodwork, they would. Everyone in my office went at least once.
I found a great network for support and you need to do the same. I understand how difficult it will be for you to go to a group by yourself so another solution may be as easy as talking to you oncology nurse. There was a young girl going through what I was, about three months ahead of me. She told the nurses she would talk to anyone who needed a friend. I did the same. I have met people through the nurses. It was a good support and it was good to talk to someone who was ahead of me.
Funny enough, on my last treatment, a woman asked me if I worked at her doctors office (which was my part time job). I didn't remember it b/c of the Benedryl. I saw her the following week and we talked for over an hour. I now keep in touch with her by email.
You need to find support in some way. I understand, so does everyone else here but it may not be enough...
Let me know what you think,
Amy