The ANSWER Has Finally Arrived - A Sundance Update (CRAIG)

Sundanceh
Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Good Evenin’ Dear Semi Colons;

Well, I must tell you, it was a real whirlwind of “activity” last week on the Board. You could just feel the “buzz” of life going on around us as several of us had tests and scan results that were happening. Sheri/luv3jay started things off with her VATS surgery last week and I hope she is ok. And for scans and follow up appointments, it was me, Eric, and Jennie, stepping up to bat. And it was such wonderful news to hear about their success stories last week!

I tell you what I found even more amazing – that several of you guys made notes of our times and dates of our tests and appointments and opened up posts so everybody could join the forum and post their thoughts. It was truly a beautiful thing! Such thoughtful and caring people taking the time out of their days, with all that each of you have going on as well, and then still be concerned about me and everyone else too – well it’s just simply the most wonderful people I have “never” met – actually ever met! :)

I wanted to send out a special THANK YOU to Donnare, who opened a post to me – both Donnas and all the other “women” in my life surprised me so much with some of the most beautifully written words to me that I’ve ever “heard” in my life. As I’ve said before, I’m not used to such kindness and thoughtfulness from people, and you ladies really picked me up that afternoon. It was so emotional and heartwarming to me to read those beautiful posts. Thank you so much to each of you and you really made a difference for me.

I was at the tail end of the group (no pun intended) :) last week as my consultation with my oncologist to go over those very long awaited test results was on Friday.

The whole Semi Colon; family was in high gear and high spirits with the news that Eric and Jennie told us about from their onc visits.

Everyone was buzzing so hard and feeling so good, that it just made me feel so good to see everyone inspired and moved by the success stories of two of our beloved family members, that I did not want to be the one to bring everyone down.

I just could not rain on Eric’s and Jennie’s parade on Friday – I wanted them so much to “have their day in the sun” and rejoice in their victories. I was afraid to “pop their bubble” and ruin an otherwise wonderful day in the world of the Board. So I stayed quiet on my test results.

I just did not want to be the One who did not deliver the good news that we all wanted to hear. Lisa’s post was so enthusiastic and was the last one I’d read and I felt the joy in her heart through her post - that it convinced me right then and there, that I would just do this another day.

And the day has now come. Have you got another minute? I would like to talk some more with you. :) I’ll give you a minute to go to the restroom and get something to drink. :)

Ok, where were we…ah yes I remember now…

It has taken about 3 months now to get all of this madness hammered out and sorted though to finally get an ANSWER to what I have already known since the beginning – since before joining the Board back on June 9th.

Well, the Hammer finally fell again on Friday morning. I’m at a new hospital now with a new oncologist, who seems really dialed in to the program. The results of my CT scan are that the tumor in my pleura of my right lung has grown some more since the last CT and PET scan this May. The PET revealed significant uptake value to that tumor area in May also. Combined with last week’s scan revealing growth – and you guessed it – all current evidence points to Cancer again for me – the 3rd time I’ve been diagnosed in just over 5 years and 3 months.

Now that you have absorbed that – let me just say that I am OK and doin’ fine.

I am “As Right as the Rain.” Val Kilmer used that line in the movie, Tombstone, just before he passed out :) But really, I am OK.

I was actually smiling, laughing and joking with everybody and with the onc after he gave me the news. I knew it was coming – but I never blinked – it’s hard to scare me. My blood pressure that morning was 92/61….I asked the nurse to put a mirror under my nose to see if I was breathing :)

I was actually very calm – I was able to talk intelligently and technical with the onc and he could tell that I was not born yesterday – I do know the buzzwords and I do my homework on treatments and surgery. I was prepared for my visit and ready to hear the news that I knew was coming.

We even talked about post-op surgery plans – bad news there too – CHEMO AGAIN, if the biopsy during surgery confirms malignancy. More than likely back to Folfox, with a possible switch to Folfiri – it will be back to the 5fu pump too. My body is so battered and beat up from last year’s Chemo Wars and my platelets have been severely compromised, that I don’t know how we are going to be able to get my body to respond to more chemo, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

I had to get my diagnosis and then go to work, had an out of town vendor to take care of, so the day passed and I kept my cool and acted like a professional. Friday night though, the excitement had worn off and I was emotionally tired and went to bed early – all the life drained out of me….I had to be so up for the visit and this moment had been building for months – and then when it was over, the Letdown – and the reality came to me, but I’ll be OK.

I’m at a different point in My Journey now – I like to joke with Phil about us being “Ol’ Timers.” Phil and I have been hard at this for a similar length of time – well past the 5 year mark in our personal battle with The Devil. That’s quite a long time to be “actively” battling Cancer, but we are both living proof that you too can live a life with Cancer for a very long time.

As a Stage IV myself, I do not plan on checking out just yet. I’ve turned the Grim Reaper away many times. Already, I am 8 month past what the doctors said I would be living – they told me 2 days after Christmas 2007, that it was “highly unlikely” that I would live to see Christmas Day 2008 – well its August 2009 and I’m still here.

I will tell you all honestly though – As a 5+ year veteran of the battle - I’m Tired, folks.

I will also tell you that the Fears and Concerns never go away – not going to go away – will always be there for each of us. Just wanted the newbies to know that even the old veterans still have the same fears and worries just like you. You want to get well, don’t you? Well, Me too.

That being said, My Mind is Right – To Fight! And fight on I will – I will have so much to share with you before the big day comes and afterwards…

I’m sorry this post is so long – Thank You for staying with me - I’m a long winded S O B as you all know by now :)

I can’t ever tell a story quickly….I have to “paint with words.” I just had a lot to tell you tonight – it’s been running through my mind since Friday morning. I know that some of you were waiting on an update from me, so I wanted to collect my thoughts and wait for the right time to tell you what had happened to me.

I cannot close this post without first addressing the recent losses to our Semi Colon family last week. I personally did not have the privilege to know any of them, but I was still saddened that they had each lost their battle.

We are all brothers and sisters in our Cancer battles My sincerest condolences to your families on the loss of your loved ones – know that they were special people who fought bravely and courageously and inspired many people that they met and did not meet.

I also want to express my sympathy to the many long time people on the board who did know these people and had a relationship with them. That has to be especially difficult for you guys too because these are people, who you knew and cared about, so I am very sorry for their loss to each of you.

It is a sobering reminder to us all that we may not always win our battle against Cancer – it is very real – and certainly not a game. We’re playing for keeps here.

Which brings me back to: The Cancer does not define us, but HOW we Live and Fight with Cancer DOES define who we are.

No matter what happens to any of us, we are all Winners and I’ve never known anybody more beautiful, loving and supportive than you guys are! You are all my inspiration and I thank God for each of you every day!

I don’t know what I’d do now without you – don’t know what I did before you! That means you too, CareGivers! Give yourself a round of applause – you are the best! The crème de la crème :)

I’m not sure if you can understand what you really mean to me and I’m not just saying that.
I'm a man that says what I mean - and I mean what I say. My feelings for each of you are very strong – very strong. I think about each of you all the time and I want to tell you again, that I sincerely care about you and your lives. You each matter to me very much!

I’ve talked the talk and now it’s time again for me to Walk the Walk – gotta’ take my turn in the barrel again. I’ve gotta’ pull my end of the load as they say. Gotta’ tug on my end of the rope. Ok, so much for the analogies :) Bottom Line – I just gotta’ Do It!

To all the Newly Diagnosed, you can do this….I hope that you don’t have to fight as many years as I’ve had to, but if it comes to that, then you can see from me and my story, that this is DOABLE – and I think I will still win :)

And I know you can right along there with me! I like to use the old fable of the Tortoise and the Hare – the race is NOT always won by the swiftest! Steady even paces will get you to the finish line and home to victory too! Never give in and never give up! Say it again! Louder this time, I didn’t hear you! OK, I heard you then.:)

What a wonderful family and beautiful community we all live in out in Our World. You have all been so very good to me and I thank you for your love, support, and your friendship.

The Board is full of so many beautiful and inspirational people, who live here. Here I was thinking that I wanted to try and help you – but it’s YOU, who has helped me – an unexpected blessing that I never expected to receive. I will never forget any of you – you have touched my life in so many ways – too many ways to count.

Lisa – sorry I did not have the news you wanted to hear :( – thank you for your post – and I believe that God “does have me covered” as you said in your post. I’m going to believe that he does.

I’m still New to the Board BUT not new to Cancer :) We’re gonna’ get this DONE!

I’ll see all of you guys and girls in NEDSville – somebody leave a light on for me – I’m runnin’ a little bit late:) But, I’m comin’! The Good Lord Willin’ and the Creeks Don’t Rise, that is.

Buzzard, leave me a plate of those beans that you like so much, I’ll be hungry when I get there :)

I love you GUYS :) OK, now I’m outta’ here.

God Bless You and May All Our Hopes & Dreams All Come True!

Sincerely - Your friend
-Craig
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Comments

  • amcp
    amcp Member Posts: 251 Member
    You are an Inspiration
    Craig..you are such an amazing man thinking of others before yourself. You are here for others and we are here for you. When you are tired lean on us...when you are down let us lift you up...when you are weak let us give you strenth... We are a family here ...all fighting the same battle ...some have been in the fight alot longer than others..but those that have been give those of us fairly new to the fight courage and strength to continue fighting. I am a caregiver and we battle along side our mates or family member in their fight. We are adding you to our prayer list or some say positive thought list. We believe in the power of prayer and we believe that you can fight this battle another time and win. Keep up the great attitude and let your "family" help you in anyway we can. You are a blessing to to me.
    Hugs,
    Anna
  • Patteee
    Patteee Member Posts: 945
    for now all I can muster up
    for now all I can muster up is Thank you so much.
    I know you are tired, I know this has been a battle
    *hugs*
  • Julie 44
    Julie 44 Member Posts: 476 Member
    OMG
    Craig,
    OMG what a post that was.....You had me in tears....I am so very sorry that things didn't turn out the way we all thought they would...You are an extremley loving, caring & kind person. You are also a BIG TIME FIGHTER...You have been through soooo much over the years.I can't imagine how you did it but you did and thats all that matters. You know we are all here for you 24-7...You CAN and WILL get past these issues too...You have proven that time and time again....Please don't ever let the beast win..We need your uplifting stories and your kind words and all of your experences..You have no idea how important you are here...
    I will be off line for awhile but I will come back after my surgery and I want to know how you are feeling and what treatments you are now doing....Good luck and I will be praying for you .............JULIE
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    Julie 44 said:

    OMG
    Craig,
    OMG what a post that was.....You had me in tears....I am so very sorry that things didn't turn out the way we all thought they would...You are an extremley loving, caring & kind person. You are also a BIG TIME FIGHTER...You have been through soooo much over the years.I can't imagine how you did it but you did and thats all that matters. You know we are all here for you 24-7...You CAN and WILL get past these issues too...You have proven that time and time again....Please don't ever let the beast win..We need your uplifting stories and your kind words and all of your experences..You have no idea how important you are here...
    I will be off line for awhile but I will come back after my surgery and I want to know how you are feeling and what treatments you are now doing....Good luck and I will be praying for you .............JULIE

    Craig..........
    Hang in there Sundance.........beans will be ready when you are bud...
  • ittapp
    ittapp Member Posts: 383 Member
    When I came on this board I
    When I came on this board I was scared and feeling alone, you were one of the first to respond to me and knew I was in pain. Your poetic words are like music to me, I found comfort in your encouragement.You are so adored here and frankly we need you. I think I speak for everyone when I say you are like family. Please keep fighting on, your inner strength is amazing and we all learn from you. I have been thinking of you and your visit to the Dr. I have been praying and will continue to pray. Please go deep inside yourself and pull out that part of you that will press on for years to come. God Bless you, Patti
  • KFen725
    KFen725 Member Posts: 108 Member
    ittapp said:

    When I came on this board I
    When I came on this board I was scared and feeling alone, you were one of the first to respond to me and knew I was in pain. Your poetic words are like music to me, I found comfort in your encouragement.You are so adored here and frankly we need you. I think I speak for everyone when I say you are like family. Please keep fighting on, your inner strength is amazing and we all learn from you. I have been thinking of you and your visit to the Dr. I have been praying and will continue to pray. Please go deep inside yourself and pull out that part of you that will press on for years to come. God Bless you, Patti

    So impressive
    I agree with Patti- you are such an encouragement to so many of us and I am so sorry to hear that you're having to deal with this devilish disease yet again. Praying that you will have strength to fight and peace and continued support from all around you!
  • donnare
    donnare Member Posts: 266
    amcp said:

    You are an Inspiration
    Craig..you are such an amazing man thinking of others before yourself. You are here for others and we are here for you. When you are tired lean on us...when you are down let us lift you up...when you are weak let us give you strenth... We are a family here ...all fighting the same battle ...some have been in the fight alot longer than others..but those that have been give those of us fairly new to the fight courage and strength to continue fighting. I am a caregiver and we battle along side our mates or family member in their fight. We are adding you to our prayer list or some say positive thought list. We believe in the power of prayer and we believe that you can fight this battle another time and win. Keep up the great attitude and let your "family" help you in anyway we can. You are a blessing to to me.
    Hugs,
    Anna

    Craig...........
    ((((((((((((((HHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGG)))))))))))))))

    Ditto everything Anna said.
    I can imagine how tired you must be, and we're all disappointed for you.
    Stay strong Craig .... we're all behind you .... you can do this. You're a warrior.

    "...get by with a little help from your friends...".

    Be well Craig,
    Donna
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    KFen725 said:

    So impressive
    I agree with Patti- you are such an encouragement to so many of us and I am so sorry to hear that you're having to deal with this devilish disease yet again. Praying that you will have strength to fight and peace and continued support from all around you!

    Awww Craig....
    ...So sorry to hear it's back, but you know, you fought this beast many times over the years, and you will continue to kick it's butt!! We're all here for you for support, and in this together, I know you will be fine, well, I know it's still scary, but don't let it get you down ol timer, you still have plenty of years to live ahead of you, things will get better, I will be praying for you, and you just keep on smilin' :)

    Hugsss!
    ~Donna
  • idlehunters
    idlehunters Member Posts: 1,787 Member
    KFen725 said:

    So impressive
    I agree with Patti- you are such an encouragement to so many of us and I am so sorry to hear that you're having to deal with this devilish disease yet again. Praying that you will have strength to fight and peace and continued support from all around you!

    Craig
    I cannot believe you kept this to yourself so you did not rain on Eric and mine's parade. That has to be the most kind, unselfish thing a human could do. I cried and cried and cried after reading your post. Oh man Craig.... I just wanna hug you.

    "Our knowledge is our power" ... I have heard that from more than one person here. Positive thoughts are important too... YOU taught me that Craig. I was never much of a religious person before all this. I now pray to God every day for all of you here. We need all the help we can get so I went right to the top.

    I know you will do what you have to do to "get er done" so keep the faith my friend.

    Jennie
  • colon2
    colon2 Member Posts: 183

    Craig
    I cannot believe you kept this to yourself so you did not rain on Eric and mine's parade. That has to be the most kind, unselfish thing a human could do. I cried and cried and cried after reading your post. Oh man Craig.... I just wanna hug you.

    "Our knowledge is our power" ... I have heard that from more than one person here. Positive thoughts are important too... YOU taught me that Craig. I was never much of a religious person before all this. I now pray to God every day for all of you here. We need all the help we can get so I went right to the top.

    I know you will do what you have to do to "get er done" so keep the faith my friend.

    Jennie

    I'm so sorry
    That the news wasn't what we wanted to hear, but we will all be with you on this journey and we will pray for you. I truly believe that prayers go up and blessings come down. So get ready, for some good news soon, because there are a lot of prayers going up right now with your name in them. You are truly an inspiration to the rest of us. Keep your chin up and lets keep fighting. We will never give up.
    God Bless you,
    Carletta
  • Mike49
    Mike49 Member Posts: 261
    Wow
    You said alot and I am proud to know you. Tired, I bet your tired, and sometimes you need to tell someone.

    Sorry to hear your news, it sucks,

    Mike
  • eric38
    eric38 Member Posts: 583
    Mike49 said:

    Wow
    You said alot and I am proud to know you. Tired, I bet your tired, and sometimes you need to tell someone.

    Sorry to hear your news, it sucks,

    Mike

    You are the man !
    Thank you so much for being such a kind and unselfish person. I would have been concerned and disappointed for you but it certainly would not have rained on my parade. It`s great to share good news but the posts that require some shoulders to lean on are the most important. Sharing good news makes you feel good but it certainly doesn`t require a shoulder to lean on. I am sorry that you have to do this again but you are one of the timex boys. You will never stop ticking.

    Eric
  • eric38
    eric38 Member Posts: 583
    eric38 said:

    You are the man !
    Thank you so much for being such a kind and unselfish person. I would have been concerned and disappointed for you but it certainly would not have rained on my parade. It`s great to share good news but the posts that require some shoulders to lean on are the most important. Sharing good news makes you feel good but it certainly doesn`t require a shoulder to lean on. I am sorry that you have to do this again but you are one of the timex boys. You will never stop ticking.

    Eric

    P.S.
    CANCER SUCKS !!!!!

    P.S.

    CANCER SUCKS !!!!!
  • luv3jay
    luv3jay Member Posts: 533 Member
    Hey Craig!
    *sniff* *sniff*

    Hey Craig!

    *sniff* *sniff* your posts, even when not delivering such good news about you, are always uplifting and positive. How can we not all be inspired by your strength and courage? God has a plan for you, my friend...even when it doesn't seem like it. Jeremiah 29 tells us that he knows the thoughts He thinks for you..ones that lead to an expected end. Read it for yourself when you get a moment. Anyway, even in the midst of your struggles you take time to ask about others. You are a true blessing. Thank you! I will continue to pray for you that you will get the strength you need to keep fighting. But remember, that if God be for you, no one or nothing can stand against you!

    -Sheri
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Hi Craig
    Sorry to hear that your news isn't what you hoped for. Do they have a plan of action worked out? Did you go through a period of being cancer free or at least stopping treatment? I suppose that is one of the benefits of going non-stop, you don't get the break and have to restart it. You've come a long way with more to go but I have no doubt you will make it though this.
    -phil
  • snommintj
    snommintj Member Posts: 601
    PhillieG said:

    Hi Craig
    Sorry to hear that your news isn't what you hoped for. Do they have a plan of action worked out? Did you go through a period of being cancer free or at least stopping treatment? I suppose that is one of the benefits of going non-stop, you don't get the break and have to restart it. You've come a long way with more to go but I have no doubt you will make it though this.
    -phil

    You're not giving me much to work with
    You ol' timmers need to get your acts together. This pattern of surgery, treatment, and recurrence is getting a little boring. I think you need to change it up some. This time around try something different. I don't know, maybe, surgery, treatment then no recurrence would make for a better story. I'm rooting for you all the way.
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    snommintj said:

    You're not giving me much to work with
    You ol' timmers need to get your acts together. This pattern of surgery, treatment, and recurrence is getting a little boring. I think you need to change it up some. This time around try something different. I don't know, maybe, surgery, treatment then no recurrence would make for a better story. I'm rooting for you all the way.

    MIne is rather simple
    Have cancer, occasional surgery, more chemo. Have fun, live life, enjoy myself. Repeat.
  • zigswife
    zigswife Member Posts: 61
    I'm so sorry to hear about
    I'm so sorry to hear about the results but so glad to see a post from you. I was thinking about you all weekend when there was no update on Friday and was worried about how you were doing. I felt like I was too new here to post a message checking on you but was definately considering it! I'm new to the whole cancer experience but I know a fighter when I see one.

    Sending lots of good thoughts your way...
  • betina61
    betina61 Member Posts: 642 Member
    Sorry
    Sorry to hear the news, but I have no doubt that you will have the strengh to continue fighting this battle,you are such and unselfish person,its beautiful what you did to hold the results of your onc. visit not to ruin the good news of others on the board, at least for the week-end, you are an incredible person.You will be in my prayers.
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    Big Hugs
    Craig,

    You and everyone else on this board are like my second family, you are one tough guy who has been through so much. Honestly feels like a online brother going through more strife. When I read about others in good positions again it feels like family going through good times.

    I believe you will get through this, and beat this monster again. As always your in my thoughts and prayers

    Hugs
    Sonia