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update to my Angels

rjjj's picture
Posts: 1826
Joined: Jan 2009

First I want to thank all of my dear sisters and Joe for helping me through my melt-down last night. You really are my angels.

I gave way to the fear, and I really think I have been over-doing it. It takes awhile to heal from Rad burns, and chemo..and just because I am finished with all but the Herceptin, does not mean I am back to where I was hoping I would be, A sister here (12/25) put it so simply to me relating it to a "emotional set-back" such as on a game board where you take 2 steps back and THEN move 7 spaces forward.

I did get a call from my chemo Nurse saying she had seen nothing to be alarmed about. The last blood test was the one the DR. was reading, and she did not see anything about Macro (large )red blood cells on this new test. She said the folic acid (iron) and vitamin B-12 test were still pending, but I was well above the level that I would need a transfusion. and said they did have a shot (that many take for the B-12) I was so relieved.

About the Onc. sending me to the breast specialist in Billings, she said she was probably just wanting me to have the best of care...as it was time for my mamogram , ultrasound or MRI. What a huge relief.

Isn't it strange what our fear of the demon can do to us. imagining the worse, reading between the lines and half driving us crazy. I am not sure what all other tests will show, but i am going to try to think positive until I know results. I'm sorry for my melt-down. But know you all know how easy it is to let our emotions get the best of us.

Just want to say thank you all for holding me up when I was so down. And to Joe for all the research he does for me and for al of us.

I love you all my angels.

Posts: 540
Joined: Jul 2009

The fear demon is really evil. I was doing well all week until I found a little ulceration on the scar tissue on my right breast where I had a wound in June which had to be surgically repaired. Its put me in such a scared spot so I know what you mean about the fear getting ahold of you.

Glad youre feeling better

Isnt this a great place to have friends


Linda t

rjjj's picture
Posts: 1826
Joined: Jan 2009

I hope all is well and that your ulceration is nothing, I will be praying for you. Together we can fight the fear. so post and let us know. Angels are surrounding you also.
Yes it is the BEST place filled full of friends!
Good luck and God Bless, Jackie

taleena's picture
Posts: 1612
Joined: May 2009

Miss Jackie... what on earth are you sorry for??? No apologies needed or required... melt downs.. I think I've written the book on that and personally it is comforting to know that a few of my members here have added a chapter or two and not left me as the sole author of that book.. ;-) (wink wink)..

I am so glad that the nurse was able to bring you some comfort and reassurance... as far as keeping positive about the rest of the results... I have always believed in using the "cross that bridge when we come to it" philosophy... now if only I could get to that damned bridge....lol...I am trying to remember which member here refered to our emotional ride through BC as a roller coaster... and she told the story so elequantly... I think it was Claudia... I guess that ride doesn't stop just because one finishes "treatment"... so my dear friend go easy on yourself... and DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR BEING HUMAN!

We love you... and holding you up is an honor..that is the beauty of this site... that no matter what we are going through in our own individual trials, through this bc journey, helping others helps us lift our own spririts... and with all of us holding you up my dear friend .... you are lite as a feather!



traceyt's picture
Posts: 77
Joined: Jul 2009

I am so happy you are feeling more at ease today :) those emotions can and do get the best of all of us sometimes! The really great part is coming here and knowing you are not alone and are surrounded by bunches of angles!

1surfermom's picture
Posts: 396
Joined: Mar 2009


First let me say how relieved and happy I am for you. I read your post late last night and remembered you in my prayers. I think we overreact sometimes because we as breast cancer patients are so used to hearing the bad news. First you need an ultrasound, then a biopsy, then you hear the dreaded news YOU HAVE CANCER, you follow that with surgery and then maybe chemo or rads. Really how much can a person take without being prepared to hear the worst? On the other hand it is so nice to hear the good news. I'm glad that your doctor is looking out for you by suggesting that you receive the best care possible, that speaks volumes about her character. Love Surf

jojo elizapest's picture
jojo elizapest
Posts: 122
Joined: Mar 2009

no apologies needed...it takes courage to articulate and face fear...thanks for sharing

aztec45's picture
Posts: 757
Joined: Jul 2009

That is just great news. Maybe your Doc was just trying to cover all the bases and make sure you are alright.

Take care.


jnl's picture
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

So glad to hear the news Jackie. Nothing bad! Now you can breathe again.

Yes, it is sad actually what goes thru our minds when these situations arise.

We should be able to put it behind us, but, we can't.

Very glad of your news!


Jeanne D's picture
Jeanne D
Posts: 1867
Joined: Mar 2009

So happy to see this post from you! I have been so worried. But, it seems that all will be taken care of easily. And, isn't that wonderful that they only want the BEST for you? That should make you feel really special, which you are! Now, open up a bottle of wine, pour yourself a glass and relax!

Love, Jeanne

Akiss4me's picture
Posts: 2192
Joined: May 2009

I'm going to make this plain and simple.......YAAAAHOOOOO!!!! :) Pammy

phoenixrising's picture
Posts: 1511
Joined: Feb 2007

Jackie, I'm glad to see things have been sorted out. It's hard not to panic when we hear words that aren't suppose to be part of this experience you're going through, so please don't apologize, that's what we're here for :)


Posts: 545
Joined: Jun 2009

Fear is something that can easily over take us all. I'm just glad you're feeling better now and that you're docter is giving you the best of care. How nice that the nurse called and gave you re-assurance.

Take it easy and God Bless you Jackie.

Glad we could help you, when so often you're here for all of us.


rjjj's picture
Posts: 1826
Joined: Jan 2009

You have all been so much help to me. This is the first place I turn to when I am worried, sad, happy or just want to laugh and celebrate life. You all mean so much to me.

Has anyone heard how Tasha's apt. went? She has also been on my mind.... Oh Tash....?

Gotta go to work but I'll check back.
love, jackie

faithandprayer's picture
Posts: 177
Joined: Jul 2009

I'm so glad it unfolded differently than you initially thought!

Have a good day at work,

fauxma's picture
Posts: 3581
Joined: Dec 2008

Taking a leaf from Pammy's post. Hooray!!

Moopy23's picture
Posts: 1753
Joined: Jan 2009

Thank you for letting us know your test results, Jackie. It is a relief. I will continue to pray for more good test results to come, and I know they will. The good coming out of this is that you are going to get the best breast specialist around, and the best of care. Yea.

The fear you had, we all know. Please don't apologize for your emotions, ok? I for one would have reacted the same way and may yet on some day or other. And you would be there--and later tell me not to apologize. Isn't that right?


p.s. My big sis Jackie used to call me and our brother "little ingrates." I'll have to tell her of my new angel status. Afraid she won't be impressed, though: she used to change my diapers.

bfbear's picture
Posts: 382
Joined: Mar 2009

I'm SO relieved, as you are!

It is amazing what fear can do to us, even when we know better!!!! It's great to have all these sisters, isn't it? And 12/25 is terribly wise. We are all very blessed to have each other, in my (humble) opinion!

Much love to you,

DianeBC's picture
Posts: 3886
Joined: Jun 2009

I am so happy for you Jackie. And, just know that you are going to have the best looking out for you, besides us. :)


rjjj's picture
Posts: 1826
Joined: Jan 2009

Your so funny Moopy that made me laugh. I bet i would love your sister Jackie, and I bet she does know you are an angel !! LOL.

And yes Moopy I would always be there for you..and you are right again!! I would tell you not to apologize ..you little ingrate you!! Ha Ha.
Thanks for the smile,

mmontero38's picture
Posts: 1532
Joined: Dec 2007

You're welcome dear Jackie. Fear can be a powerful thing and unfortunately, it is an emotion all of us here live with. You are entitled to an emotional break down every now and then. Just know we are here to support you all the way. Love, Lili

faithandprayer's picture
Posts: 177
Joined: Jul 2009

mmontero's words sum it up perfectly (hmmm...almost like you've "been there, done that ;-)
"Fear can be a powerful thing and unfortunately, it is an emotion all of us here live with."

It seems like it's not the cancer - it's the power we give it through fear. Most days it's easy to beat (especially coming here) - and some days that fear creeps in and settles deep in the heart and bones. Then, we have to beat it away again so we can walk straighter & put that smile back on our face!!!

Special Hugs,

Christmas Girl's picture
Christmas Girl
Posts: 3689
Joined: Apr 2009

So glad, and very relieved, that you're doing much better today. Thanks for sharing the reassuring news you've received from your med team, thus far. Good news.

Please, dear - no apologies needed, nor to be accepted, for your previous thread. We're ALL allowed those "meltdown" moments. We all have them. And, we're all here to support and encourage each, always. You are always there for others, Jackie, with your heart unfailingly wide open. :-)

Please take it easy, take care of yourself, rest as much as possible.

With love backatcha, and...

Kind regards, Susan

jnl's picture
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

So happy that you are doing better Jackie! The Angels helped! :)


lynn1950's picture
Posts: 2574
Joined: Jun 2008

Jackie, Sorry I was gone and unable to be here for you. You have nothing to apologize for. Your posts have helped me through the 11 month nightmare that I just woke up from. xoxoxo Lynn

rjjj's picture
Posts: 1826
Joined: Jan 2009

Your posts have always helped and inspired me also. I am so thankful for you and all our other sisters here.
hugs, jackie

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