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Angels update

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

I looked back on some of my post and angel was doing good mid march,went to the bike nite he started throwing up then that was march 27th has been nauseated from then but for about a week now he has been throwing up and is having alot of pain in the pelvic area he is using his extra doses every 2 hrs but not really taking pain away will try to convince him to go to the pain clinic to up the pain pump . Mary the hospice nurse is coming today hope she can convince him to go but he is in no shape to go anywhere so we will work something out maybe the pain dr can come to the house to up the dosage.He has been throwing up all day yestesday and the days before too.I think the tumors are growing and pressing on his insides and so does the nurse . He is in so much pain when he throws up I have been crying more at home to see him like this is terrible he is so scared right now i don't know if he sleeps but his eyes are almost always closed he says he is nauseated. He has bounced back before but i don't think he will this time to much pain all over pelvic area. The nausea pill zofran not helping one bit has been taking that for 5 days now. This is so hard for me Angel will try to eat a little drink aliitle threw out the day but throws that up so yesterday he threw up about 10 times. And I am the one that dumps it between the ileostomy bag smelling so bad then the throw up i almost threw up yesterday myself. In my opion cancer is a robber of your life then it tortures you like it is doing to angel.I got scared this morning i was on the couch all nite i really didn't here angel so i called out to him and he did say something, I thought maybe he passed away. that was a weird feeling.He will be getting ivs today wednesday and friday.Its just me and my mother in law and my son at home now my father in law and sister in law left sat.I am at work but can leave any time. I don't think he will be here to much longer the way he is going .I am starting to feel anxious. I have to try to get the pain pump increased. This is so hard to watch the one you love die slow and in pain like angel.

michelle

CherylHutch's picture
CherylHutch
Posts: 1399
Joined: Apr 2007

Oh Michelle... as you know, none of us are doctors or have the ability to make sense of what is going on and why Angel has to be in such pain. I just don't understand that, or how his doctors and the hospice nurses can just let him suffer in pain. Also, why does HE have to go into a pain clinic when he's in the pain he's in? If he was well enough to go to the pain clinic then chances are he wouldn't be in as much pain... and wouldn't have to actually go to the clinic.

Ok, not being from your State or country, I'm not sure how things work down here. I know up here, if a person requests to remain at home rather than go to a palliative care hospital floor or a palliative care home (I think the equivalent in the States is a Hospice Home?)... then all that would be done at the hospital for a patient in their last days, is done at home. Besides the comfort level for the patient to be surrounded by their own familiar surroundings, it also works out better for the health care system to supply care at the home than having the patient at the hospital.

I saw this first hand when my friend's husband died of lung cancer. The home care nurses that were there around the clock were all qualified to administer pain meds as needed and if they felt he needed more, it was just a phone call to the doctor and the meds were adjusted right there and then. The doctor also made regular visits out to the home. The home care nurses were there for the patient, but also for the family/friends who were there to support the patient... they were amazing and if one believes in angels on earth, then they are the palliative care home nurses (male and female).

So, I guess this is where I'm a little confused. You have mentioned that Angel does have hospice nurses coming out to the house and that the one nurse feels Angel needs to go to the pain clinic as well. Can she not arrange for the meds he needs, or arrange to have a doctor come out to the house NOW and set up the pain meds? The idea is that Angel should be resting comfortably and if it means he may be in a drugged state, if that's what it takes to take away his pain and stop the nausea, then that's what it takes. I'm not sure I understand why they are holding back on these meds?

Also, I realize your mother-in-law is there with you, but what sort of help and support are the two of you getting for YOU? It is an extremely hard thing to watch someone you love die, especially when you are having to do the cleanup, laundry, and all the physical stuff... the whole time watching him in pain. Where is the home support that you should be getting?

Like I say, I can't comment on something that I don't know anything about, so I'm just asking questions. I don't expect you, Michelle, to answer these questions. You have your hands and heart more than full... but maybe others who live in the State of Arizona can pop in and suggest help that is available that maybe you aren't aware of. There is no way you, your MIL and Angel should be struggling with this and watching the suffering. Saying goodbye is never easy, but your memories should be that he was comfortable and peaceful right up to the end... whether that is because of meds or not.

Huggggggs my friend!!

Cheryl

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

it greatly saddens me to think about how hard a time you and Angel are having. This just shouldn't be so hard. I know when my mother was dying of lung cancer, she had to be returned to the hospital after being sent home because her pain wasn't being managed and they had to monitor her while increasing the morphine otherwise she would OD on the pain meds (like that wouldn't have been a blessing, but that's a discussion for another time). Know that you are in my prayers and that I pray for a swift and peaceful resolution to all of this for everyone involved. I pray that God sends angels to care for Angel who can efficiently and humanely manage his pain. I imagine you must be pretty much on auto-pilot, waiting for your nightmare to end but continuing to wake up and find that it continues. I don't have much more to offer but my love and prayers ... be strong.
mary

colon2's picture
colon2
Posts: 184
Joined: Feb 2009

Michelle, I am so sorry for what you are going thru, and Angel. I truly wish that i could say or do something that would help. There really isn't anything that anyone can do, at a time like this. Years ago when we were involved with the m/c club, we lost a really good friend to cancer. It was so hard to see him, especially towards the end. Toward the end he said the only thing that helped him with the pain and nausea was pot. I don't know if it is prescribed in your area for cancer patients, or if it has already been tried. I just remember that it helped Dave. I am praying for both of you, and I hope that something helps. Please remember that you both are in our thoughts and if there is anything that any of us can do, just let us know.
God Bless You Both, Carletta

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

Angel is very stubburn on things i am sure they would come out to increase the pain pump but as always angel dosn't want that now, so he just suffers with the pain, I don;t know how he does it even before we knew he had cancer he indured a lot of pain during those months.And because he is a fighter i think thats why i got to have him a little longer because he is not ready to go.

michelle

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

Michelle,

I hate that you and Angel are suffering so. I wish I had words that could make a difference, just know that you continue in my thoughts and prayers. It sounds like they are trying to control the pain, I just wish it was more successful for him.

I have a pretty new-to-the-market nausea patch that has done wonders for me. I don't know if you or your doctor have even heard of it yet. It's Sancuso and I put a patch on once a week. It has completely taken care of my nausea issues. It got pretty bad while I was on chemo and radiation at the same time. It's just a thought, but I hope you can find something to help Angel.

Hugs,

Kimby

nudgie's picture
nudgie
Posts: 1483
Joined: Sep 2006

May prayers are with you and Angel. I will pray that it's not his time

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

Angel is just pretty darn tired of it all. I don't think he wants to take the nausea meds anymore either. but thanks for the info on the patch.and we do need the prayers and thoughts from everyone..
michelle

VickiCO's picture
VickiCO
Posts: 934
Joined: Oct 2008

I am so sorry you two are suffering so. There isn't much I can add, except my prayers.

Many Hugs and prayers coming your way. Vicki

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Oh, Michelle. I'm so sorry that things are so bad for you and Angel right now. I do pray that the healthcare workers will be able to make him more comfortable. I know you're not ready to let him go yet, but I'm sure it's also very hard to see him like this. I hope you will be able to keep him a bit longer, and that he will feel better during that time.

Please try to rest and take care of yourself as much as you can.

I'll be praying for the two of you.

*hugs*
Gail

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jenben59
Posts: 144
Joined: Jan 2009

I'm rather new at this cancer...this site has been a blessing. I'm praying for both of you. It's hard to watch the one you love suffer so much. You are truly a God send to hang in as long as you have and take such good loving care of him. I wish you peace.

lizbiz's picture
lizbiz
Posts: 121
Joined: Aug 2008

God bless you both. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Big hugs,
Elizabeth

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

I am truely blessed to have so many people here that are so caring and giving it really helps m e get threw the day

michelle

kmygil
Posts: 881
Joined: Feb 2007

Dear Michelle,

You have been Angel's angel through all of this. I am so very sorry to hear his current state. His time should not be spent suffering like this. Is it possible for the hospice nurse to simply place an anti-nausea patch on Angel? Just do it matter-of-factly without making a deal about it? It's not right for him to be in so much pain and to suffer so much nausea. I realize he is stubborn, but perhaps if you just administered the patch as an SOP he wouldn't fuss about it.

Michelle, you have been so very brave and strong through all of this. I keep you both in my prayers.

Hugs,
Kirsten

Glv49
Posts: 206
Joined: May 2005

God Bless you and your husband. I am keeping you both in my prayers.

Gail

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

The nurses think that this is part of the course because the tumors are growing and pushing on things but i will see about the patch .
michelle

sheri22
Posts: 278
Joined: Jan 2009

Michelle

I feel so bad for you and Angel, I dont post often but read yours a lot.
You are such a special person the way you have dealt with this, I know nothing I can say can take away your pain, but you are the type of person everyone needs on there side just from your posts its obvious that you have given Angel the best quality of life possible.
and as hard as it is to say and I hope you understand but if I get to that point I hope my husband will deal with things as well as you have take care you and Angel are always in my thoughts and prayers
Sheri22

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6555
Joined: Feb 2009

I'm sorry to hear that he is not doing well at all and is so sick. It seems to me that with all the drugs they available that they should be able to make him comfortable.

You both are in my thoughts and prayers. Kim

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

Dear Michelle,
I am so sorry that Angel's pain has increased again. I know you are devastated and so tired. I pray you have some moments together filled with just the two of you, no pain, no one else , just you two.
I will continue to pray.
Aloha,
Kathleen

kristasplace's picture
kristasplace
Posts: 956
Joined: Oct 2007

Dear Michelle, i can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you. You are such an incredible person whether you feel that way right now, or not. The love and care you give to him will help him no matter the outcome. I wish so much that i could offer you any words to ease what you're going through, but such words just don't exist. I think about you and Angel every single day, and i will continue to pray, and hope for some comfort for both of you.

Much love, and many hugs,
Krista

changing2
Posts: 118
Joined: Jul 2008

So sorry for both of you and I continue to pray for comfort. Wish I could "DO" something yet I know prayer is vital. Keep us posted and know you are both in our thoughts.

impactzone's picture
impactzone
Posts: 541
Joined: Aug 2006

I am so sorry... Caregivers are such a blessing
Chip

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

calling pain dr he needs the pump increased they are going to have to come to my house angel can not make it to the dr office at this time He is bleeding from the rectum and his vomit looks aliitle like blood hospice nurse is coming today iv with fluid will be given.

ruggersocks's picture
ruggersocks
Posts: 78
Joined: Aug 2006

I'm so, so sorry this is happening and praying for relief of his pain and discomfort. Prayers for you to find peace and rest amidst all this cancer stuff.

Hugs,
Cheryl P.

dixchi's picture
dixchi
Posts: 438
Joined: Jun 2008

Strong supportive thoughts are coming your direction; am so sorry
you two are having to go through this and I hope the hospice people
respond quickly to the need for more pain meds.

Hugs,
Barbara

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

The pain dr came last nite up the pain meds but it seemed as if he was in more pain then before she uped it so i called this morning and the dr is coming out to nite to up it more. there is so much blood coming out of angels rectum the diaper he had on last nite was soaked with blood and clots this is so hard for me I can't stop crying.The ilesostomy bag has blood in it to. the hospcie nurse knows but just has words of comfort.We were up all nite him vomiting me standing next to him rubing his back until the vomiting stops that also looks like there can be blood in that to, My god my husband is bleeding to death I am so scared I just wanted him at peace when he passes, not pain vomiting bleeding. I called my son and told him he should come this weekend 6 hr drive from califorina.. I need strength right now so i can continue caring for my husband.

michelle

dixchi's picture
dixchi
Posts: 438
Joined: Jun 2008

This is the time when I think all of us wish we could be there in
person to support you and let you know how sad we are that it is
so difficult. Instead.....if you could close your eyes and imagine
all of us holding hands and surrounding you and Angel in a circle
of love and caring....we are here for you.

Huggs,
Barbara

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

I wish that to.

michelle

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Michelle,

I live in coolidge about an hour away from you. Just say the word and I will be there is you need me for anything. Not sure what I can do, but if you just need someone to talk to or cry with I will be there. Please dont hesitate to ask, cause I dont care how far I have to travel I will be there.

God bless
Beth

dianetavegia's picture
dianetavegia
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

On House, the other night, Cameron said 'Dying is MUCH harder on the caregiver than the one who is actually dying'. It made me think of you.

I'm so sorry for Angel and all he's going through but I'm also so sorry for you. I cannot imagine what it feels like to WANT to take away the pain, make the bleeding STOP, help your beloved in some way and not have a way.

I will pray for your strength during this time but also that you find comfort in some way, peace in some way and possibly even a few minutes when you can just step away for time for yourself.

Hurting for you ....

Diane

Joy1216's picture
Joy1216
Posts: 293
Joined: Mar 2006

I can't imagine what you are going through right now. My heart just breaks for you. I'm praying that you will be comforted and find strength.
Joy

trainer's picture
trainer
Posts: 242
Joined: Sep 2008

We live in northeast Phoenix (Scottsdale) and am ready to help or comfort you. Just let us know. You are not alone.

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Michelle,

I just can't even imagine your anguish in the midst of all this. I will continue to pray for strength for you and for peace for Angel- a peace that will include less pain and no fear.

God bless you my dear- I'm so, so very sorry for you having to go through all of this.

Lisa

dianetavegia's picture
dianetavegia
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

I've been quite concerned and wondered how Angel is doing, the family, etc.

Diane

chynabear's picture
chynabear
Posts: 483
Joined: Jul 2005

I too have been following your story. I hope Angel is doing better with the pain and you are coping as well. I think your name should be Ange's Angel.

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