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Question for any "Old Timers" out there

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

I don't mean age wise, I mean people who have been dealing with colon cancer for an extended period of time with at no time being NED. I was dx 5 years ago last week and I've been in treatment ever since with the exception of 2 small breaks (maybe 6-8 weeks off due to not being able to stand it anymore) and have racked up well over 170 rounds of various chemo (folfox, 5FU, CPT11, FYDR? and maybe others, I don't recall at the moment). I am on Erbitux and CPT11 for over 3 years at this time. I did just stop the CPT11 in early January due to the severe cramping it caused me and that I have reached the point of feeling like WTF??, Will I never be NED?? I have small 'something' in my right lung that we do not know what they are but they are stable. I have had 3 operations on my right lung plus 1 RFA there and 2 operations that included the left lung. Due to scar tissue, I am not able to have another operation, at least in my right lung. Not sure about the left one but the trouble area is the right lung. So, after giving you my past 5 years in one giant paragraph, has anyone else been in treatment as long as this or an I the lucky one? I really just feel like I will be on this FOREVER and if that's the way it goes, then that's the way it goes. At least we can keep it stable at this point. BTW: I'm only 51, not that it matters but my kids are still young (9 and 15) and that matters.

On a side note, I get another CT scan this coming Monday (3/2) and get results the following Monday.

Thanks
-phil

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

Phil,

I'm so sorry you have been doing this for so long. I was dx August 07, so I'm not as 'old' as you. The problem is, many of us stage IV's won't be around in 5 yrs to be in tx. In the last 19 mos I've had 5 surgeries and I'm currently on the last FDA approved drugs for CRc (mitomycin, avastin, xeloda). Disease has progressed on every chemo cocktail I've tried and currently my liver is not operable (we tried in January, failed surgery) so we are doing some rads on that baby.

I can only imagine how difficult it is to still be on chemo after 5yrs - it sucks! But, yes, you are the 'lucky one' that gets to still be here after 5yrs and you still have options. I know it's hard to keep at it, but as you said, you have young kids and that matters. How is your quality of life? Are you still doing things that are important to you? Are you having as much fun as your avitar indicates? Only you know the answers. You hold the key to your future at this point.

Congrats on 5 yrs! Celebrate that (or anything else you can think of)!

"old biddy" (not so much!)

Kimby

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

I know it could be much, much worse. I still have some options open I think as far as chemo goes. My quality of life (QOL) is mostly good. I have (had) to work, and luckily have been able to work for the past 5 years. There are times though while either being in the hospital or in treatment when it gets to be too much and I question the QOL that I have.
I should be thankful for what I have...
Thanks for your response Kimby, best of luck to you.
-p

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

I didn't mean to sound patronizing. Yes, we should all be grateful for what we have. You are still allowed to gripe. canzer sucks! chemo sucks! You have been through a lot and it's not over yet. It is so difficult when you don't have an end date for tx to look forward to.

If life is good, keep going. Don't slow down and certainly don't stop! I'll be here for you to complain to as long as I can gripe, too! LOL

Let's have a big party in another 5 yrs, chemo or not!

Kimby

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

Are most of us not going to survive to 5 years? I thought there were people living with this for longer, now you got me wondering if that's all I'm fighting for..just 5 more years, if I reach that..

glinka65
Posts: 132
Joined: Feb 2009

u aint goin anywhere!!!!!!! me either! keep the faith

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

I didn't say "most", I said "many". Yes, people die of stage iv colon canzer. Sad but true. It IS scary so I don't EVER look at the stats. You are not a statistic. You say: "if that's all I'm fighting for...". I am fighting for 5 more years. I told my docs if they can give me 5 yrs, the technology and research can give me 5 more. From 10 I can get 10 more....My philosophy is "5 will get you 10" if you know what I mean. Yes, all I'm fighting for is 5 more years.

But you also need to realize that there are degrees of stage IV also. I really wish they would break that down more but some have a better prognosis than others. canzer really SUCKS! (have I already said that? LOL)

Kimby

fez1
Posts: 47
Joined: Jul 2006

I agree with you so much, Kimby! I "hear" what Phil is saying. To be up front, I do not have cancer- my husband was diagnosed in July'05 with Stage IV. He's not as long a survivor as Phil but as, with all of you, he's been through it all; 2 surgeries, 2 RFA's, FOLFOX, FOLFIRI, ERBITUX, stereotactic radiation and now we're hoping that he's a candidate for SirSpheres. No matter what he's tried his liver tumors come back and they are clustered in an inoperable area of the liver. It totally sucks! He often feels as Phil does, "when does it stop". I then remind him, and not so gently at times, that this is how it is... you try whatever might work, you get a response one way or the other and then you go from there. You stay alive to get to the next new treatment.... We both get so weary and sick to death of cancer. But he feels that he can't give up, that he wants to live and that he'd try anything, even if it had a 1% chance of success.

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

...I guess I do have to realize as well, that I may not make it as well as I want too, all we can do is hope and pray that these treatments they give us help us to get to that mark, I will try, that's for sure, I sure am not ready to go anytime too soon!

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Kimby, you didn't sound that way at all. There was a woman who used to post here by the name of Jana Miller. She was so nice and such a fighter, she passed away last October I found out. Every once in a while when I'd bit ch and moan about things she'd tell me "at least I have options". Funny, you can't say the word b i t c h unless you put spaces between the letters. She had no surgical options at all and was in much worse shape than I was. It was the sort of "slap in the face" that I needed. I plan on being around for a while yet but after 5 years, I do not have the same optimism and energy that I used to have. I was 46 when dx and I did this thing where I kayaked 1-2 miles every single day in a row for 81 days up until my 1st operation. I have kept things positive (mostly) since then but after 5 years of rolling that boulder up the hill every day only to have it roll back down at night, I get tired of it. Someone on here put is nicely, "it's a grind" they said.

Statistically speaking (and this goes with older data) I've read it is only a 5-10% 5 yr survival rate for Stage IV people. So I'm in that lucky group. Butt, you can't believe all that stuff either, it counts people who were 90 when they were dx and chances are they might not have made 100. I believe 90% of it is in your head and your attitude. Right now, mine isn't the best but I get like this before scans and this is a biggie since it will determine what my protocol will be for the coming months. Then again, I could get hit by a bus cross the street in NYC...Go figure.
Thanks everyone for your input. It's very valuable to me and I appreciate it a lot.
-phil

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

Phil - b i t ch away! You have earned it with all you've been through.

Kimby

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

With all of the **** we are going through, you'd think they'd let us let the expletives fly!
**** a duck!
-phil

pamness
Posts: 513
Joined: Nov 2007

are an inspiration. I was diagnosed stage IIIA, and have been ned for 18 months. However, I have had odd test results and may be facing a stage IV diagnoses.

I had a horrible time with intial chemo, it seems to me you have gone above and beyond, hopefully and sounds like, you are going to be the lucky one. I think that not only are you going to be "lucky" for you and you family but for others who are facing the stage IV type of ambiguity.

All my best,

Pam

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Pam for your kind words. I hope that I can be of some help to someone. People I work with know of my openness to talk about cancer and there have been times when someone they know has been dx with some sort of cancer and they approach me to talk about it. I feel I have been able to help them in some way. Sometimes I believe that I got cancer so I can be of help to others, then other times I feel I got a "bum deal". I tend to brace for the worst though so I can pleasantly surprised if I get a positive result.

With cancer you never really know what is going to happen, everyone can respond very differently than others do to the same protocols. I've had it rather rough at times. It's nasty stuff that can save or prolong our lives. There have been other times it was more of an inconvenience to me. It certainly can wear on the mind after a long time. I think that's where I'm at lately.

Being NED for 18 months is wonderful Pam and having an odd test result doesn't mean you're at stage IV. I hope that things work out and you stay NED. But you do know now that people can be stage IV and can live a pretty good life. If you saw me I doubt you'd know anything was wrong with me.

be/stay well
-phil

pamness
Posts: 513
Joined: Nov 2007

I have had 4 odd cea tests - two CAT scans that were OK and go tomorrow for another CEA. My CEA has been above 4.2 (at Mass General in Boston) for 5 months. The current thinking it is my "normal." I was at 4.7 at diagnoses - 2.5 my lowest during chemo and 4.2 for the last 5 months. All CT's are clear. Nothing that has happened to me during the last 30 months - from diagnoses, surgery, treatment until now has been "normal" but, hopefully, it will be OK.

Thank you for your response. It was encouraging.

I wish you all the best.

Pam

crazylady
Posts: 544
Joined: Jun 2004

Hi Phil,

I truly understand how you feel. It will be 5 years next month since my dx. I was also 46 at the time. The longest I have been off chemo is 3 months. It always comes back or probably was never really gone. I have a permanent colostomy and have had surgery on each lung and done a lot of chemo. I have lost track of exactly what I've been on Last October I was hospitalized due to side effects from CPT11 and was forced to take a 3 month break. Scans in January were the worst they've ever been. I am currently on Xeloda and Avastin and due to have scans the middle of March. I seem to be running out of chemo options. Unfortunately, I have not been able to work for the last 3 years.

I am extremely grateful that I have made it this far and plan to be around for a lot longer. I have 7 children, the youngest just turned 17 and will be a high school senior next year. It does matter to me that I'm only 51. If I was a lot older I could at least make some sense of this. I don't feel like I've truly begun to live yet! I am also really sick of being in treatment all the time. Cancer sucks, has altered my life and not for the better.

It is not my intention to bring anyone down. This is my personal experience. I know that there are people who have had better experiences and some that have had much worse. I wish everyone the best!

Take care,
Jamie

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

It was shocking to be only 46 with no history of cancer and really no symptoms of cancer either. I had one of those tumors that hugged the wall and didn't cause a blockage. Fortunately I avoided a colostomy, not much of the colon was affected. I guess it went right from there to the liver and lungs. That CPT11 is nasty stuff, I get severe cramping and bowel issues, mostly constipation. I am on a 2 month break from that but still on Erbitux. I am supposed to have a CT scan tomorrow but we are expecting 8 inches of snow in the NYC area so I am most likely going to have to reschedule that. I am very grateful that I'm not dead (I wanted to name this band I was in the "Grateful We're Not Dead" where one guy had triple bypass surgery, the other guy was 2 big macs away from a heart attack and me with the cancer but they had no sense of humor at all) but I feel lucky to make it this long. The worst part is my youngest turns 9 this month. I hope I can make it until he's out of high school. Cancer does suck and it gives us all a "new normal" that is usually not good.
There are others who have it worse and others that have it better and still others that have no idea what lies ahead or can understand that being around for 5 years with it isn't always the greatest thing in the world.
Thanks for your input Jamie, I wish you the best.
-phil

taraHK
Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

I was diagnosed 6+ years ago (Dec 2002). I haven't been on treatment ever since: I have had 3 recurrences. I was 44 when I was diagnosed; my two sons were 10 and 12. Now I'm 50, and my boys are 16 and 18 (and gorgeous). I manage to feel positive most of the time, but there are times when I go #%!%@@!^%$@. It's fine to be Ms. Pollyanna -- but I have been thro 4 surgeries and 4 rounds of chemo in the last 5 years! But, what's the alternative. And I don't just mean the grave. I mean what's the alternative for trying to keep a positive attitude and 'count blessings' (literally, at those dark 3am moments). I certainly understand what you are talking about, Phil. We hang in there together.....And scan time is not a good time. I just had scans which were all clear but even so through me into a tizzy and I am now doing a little Xanax therapy.....thank heavens for modern pharmaceuticals.....

All the best,
Tara

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

I'm not sure what would be harder, never stopping treatment like my case or stopping and having it come back (3 times yet). I certainly feel that if I do become NED, it will get me in the end (no pun intended if I made one). It's very easy to go #%!%@@!^%$@ and also to go #%@@!^%. True, we could roll up and wait to die but that's no fun at all. I agree, thank goodness for xanax and zoloft and my friend Herb who keeps that nasty Ralph away.
Hang in there Tara and thanks for your response. You beat me in the longevity contest. That's great you've keep up the battle and are ahead of the game
-phil

pamness
Posts: 513
Joined: Nov 2007

thank you to the pharmaceutical industry.

I will send all my good thoughts and wishes your way.

Pam

impactzone's picture
impactzone
Posts: 532
Joined: Aug 2006

So sorry and thanks for your comments. 3 years here with my 50th birthday last week. I keep playing whack a mole as well. 2 kids 14 and 12 and I teach at the high school with my 14 year old. They are the reason I keep fighting. I admire anyone who lasts and can stay fighting this long. As in previous discussions, fighting is the wrong word. That implies if I only eat more blueberries it might finish the fight. You struggles inspire others and perhaps the next great drug will come up soon and advances in surgery might happen as well. Thank you for your courage.
Chip

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Thanks for the comments Chip, I've read many of your posts and you are quite a inspirational guy. I like to draw a comparison to what many of us are going through and surfing. I've never surfed, but I often feel like I am on the crest of the wave (of technological breakthroughs) and just hoping that they keep coming up with new therapies before the wave crashes on me and I wipe out. I've be fortunate that both Avastin and Erbitux have come out and kept my on top of the wave.

I'm not crazy about "fighting" either. I also don't care for "survivor". I'm "living with cancer". I didn't survive anything...but I DO love blueberries.

I have to postpone my scan for a bit due to nasty weather in the NYC area. Did you coin the phrase "scanxitey"? Whoever did, it's brilliant!
-p

Julie 44
Posts: 479
Joined: Oct 2008

I guess we all feel way down and really pissed off that this is happening to us.. Right now I am sooooo tired of all of this treatment..I am 44 stage 3 and had a tumor removed now I am on my 8th treatment..I am sooo sick and tired of feeling crappy and I feel like I am on the biggest roller coaster ride of my life..Good days bad days,emontional and not emontional,sick not sick blah blah blah...Like you said we should be thankful but enough is enough...I just don't want to deal with this anymore either!!!!!
I guess we don't have much of a choice seeing what other options we have but......I guess just know you are not alone and I feel for ALL of us going through this....It really sticks but this is what we are given to deal with I just wish I knew why???? Any clue why us????
Thanks for letting me vent too I am trying not to get to depressed but it really is sooo hard how much more can I take???

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

I get just as mad as everyone about it but then I think about it and ask, what if someone that was not as willing to fight to stay alive had this disease and took their own life, then someone else did the same and on and on. Where would modern medicine be without the benefit of our misfortune ? How many won't suffer because of my misfortune ? I know that my dx is not quite as extreme as either of yours and for that I apologize , but we are all making a difference in what our love ones might or might not face in the future....I did find out that my cancer through genetic testing of the tissue I donated did not reflect a mutated gene that would make it heritary for my kids. They still will need a colonoscopy starting at age 30 but at least it is a legacy that I won't leave them thank the Lord for that. But, I honestly feel that we were the ones to be dealt the bad hands because we are strong enough to ride this out. That is the only way modern medicine will continue to make leaps and bounds and keep us around because of it. God Bless all of you for the blessings that you may never know you will bestow on someones kid or loved one. You may be the actual cancer case that a cure is found with. That keeps me understanding the thought of "why me?" or at least it gives me piece of mind to continue this journey as long as possible.........God Bless you all.....

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

But no one is talking about wasting themselves. I've mentioned before that I consider myself a "test pilot" as far as this stuff goes. That's why I don't understand how stem cell research is looked down on by the "right" and religious groups. It can save lives, otherwise the embryos would be flushed down the drain. They can learn so much from some cells. I think there is a BIG difference between a stage I or II dx and a II or IV dx and how it eats at you and your quality of life. Face it, they all stink but it goes up in discomfort exponentially I think. There are times I feel I got it because I can handle it.
It's certainly no party.
Thanks for your input...
-p

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Why not us? Someone has to get it. Better me than my kids I feel. I never really played the "why me" game. It's pointless. It's random. If "bad people" get it or if God is punishing us, why is Dick Cheney still alive??? It does get to be a real drag, feel free to vent away. I feel better over the past week with venting on here.
-p

pamness
Posts: 513
Joined: Nov 2007

However, there any many great stories about stage III survivors. I good friend of mine was diagnosed Stage III rectal cancer at 33. She is doing just fine and is currently ned.

I was also Stage IIIA at 54 (older than you) but, currently, ned - with many, many bumps in the road. If you are feeling depressed, seek profesional help. "Situational depression" is not unusual in cancer patients. I went and saw a therapist - they put me on zoloft - it really helped.

Pam

Kanort's picture
Kanort
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jan 2004

To each of you who have shared your soul and are fighting this disease, my best healing hugs and well wishes are being sent your way. It is at times like these that survivor's guilt overwhelmes me. I wish I had some magical way to share my wellness with each of you!

Love,

Kay

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Thank you Kay. Glad you are well, don't be silly about living so long with cancer. That's GREAT!
-p

Julie 44
Posts: 479
Joined: Oct 2008

Can you tell me how you stay strong and keep the faith?? I am having a VERY hard time right now with staying positive..Treatment really sticks right now and I am getting very depressed...I am working and trying to deal with life but it just seems to be getting harder and harder to deal with..Can ANYONE help me out here?? I am losing it!!!!

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

I'm sorry you are going through this now Julie. I'm constantly on a roller coaster of emotions and feelings. It's hard to work and deal with this at the same time too, I'm the main bread winner and insurance holder so that's extra pressure.

I see a very good therapist who has dealt with some people living with cancer, that helps me a lot. I also take an antidepressant and anti anxiety medication too. Some days I still feel I'm at the end of my rope. Sometimes I just cry it out. I also try to keep distracted with things that I get enjoyment from like photography and playing guitar(s).

Some people find help through faith, I can say that I personally do not but if that works for you then by all means seek help there. You just have to hang in there, the feelings will pass and it will get easier. Try to take walks and just do things you can enjoy. That's the best I can offer.
-phil

rrob
Posts: 160
Joined: Nov 2007

Julie,

I understand how you feel. I dreaded my last 3 or 4 chemo treatments so much that I would cry on the way. When I was doing my chemo, I did massage therapy through a local nonprofit in conjunction with Cancer Care Services and I also saw a counselor every two weeks. I tried to find something hopeful in every day; some days it was just that the sky was a gorgeous blue or that there was a cardinal in my yard. I would stop and thank God that I was alive to see it. When I was diagnosed at Stage IV, I was afraid I wouldn't see my youngest son graduate from high school. He graduates June 4 and I'm here and doing great. So take it one day at a time, cry when you need to, but keep on fighting. I highly recommend a therapist or counselor to talk it out with and I know lots of people have really been helped by antidepressants. Good luck.

Rebecca

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

...Is all I do, just taking one day at a time to appreciate that I'm still here, and a positive attitude that you can get through this does help me. Sometimes when I start feeling really low, I will turn to my kids for a hug, and that's all I need, to know why I'm here and why I'm fighting. "Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die tomorrow" has been a favorite quote of mine that I like to go by. I keep thinking things like, I could be hit by a car tomorrow, I could be shot, no one exactly what their future holds, only God knows, and I'm in his hands, how do I know this will be the disease that kills me, when something or someone else can...I don't ever look to the future, I look for the day, and live day by day, thanking God I'm still here, and will not go down too soon, I want to fight, even in my low days. I also am on an antidepressant and anti-anxiety which does help, Julie, you just have to focus on other things besides the illness, try focusing on other more beautiful things, I know it's hard, but it became a habit to me now, once I start feeling bluesy, I automatically start rethinking to more better things..don't let the disease take your spirit away, beat it, you can do it!

~Donna

CherylHutch's picture
CherylHutch
Posts: 1399
Joined: Apr 2007

Hugggggs, Julie! I don't know if there is any magic bullet to make things any easier. Cancer sucks... and no matter what stage you are at, it still sucks! Having to revolve your days around medical appointments suck. Knowing that life is not the normal that you once had sucks. Actually, it seems that everything about cancer sucks and that's the plain truth.

I would definitely recommend you go see your GP and let him/her know you feel you are at the end of your rope and you need something to help you out of the depression because that is exactly what it is... depression. It is very hard, if not impossible, to think positive thoughts and have a positive attitude when you are depressed. And what causes this depression? It's usually a chemical imbalance from having so much stress thrown at you... and fear and terror. The body and mind try to compensate and work it out but sometimes things just get thrown so out of wack you are left feeling horrible. The doctor can prescribe some anti-depressant meds and/or anti-anxiety meds. They don't work right away... they usually take a couple of weeks to kick in... but once they do the difference is like night and day. You can then think more clearly, make plans and realize that you really can fight this beast and be positive about it.

That's not to say you are going to turn into a happy Pollyanna. No matter how positive we may come across here in this forum... we ALL have our days where we snap or get pissed off or lose patience with those around us who don't have cancer. But for the most part, if one can keep balanced, the pros do outweigh the cons.

I know that when I was at my lowest... not only was I depressed, but I was terrified... things couldn't get much worse (or so I thought). My doctor did prescribe anti-depressant meds and anti-anxiety meds and I really do think they helped. I didn't have to stay on them, but I know they are there in case I do need them again. Basically, what I think I've done is gone into denial. I don't deny that I have a serious cancer condition, but I'm in denial that anything bad is going to happen to me. And I hang onto that denial because that makes getting through every day so much easier. When I do go to see my onc, I really am surprised when we are actually testing for something serious... but I prefer my denial than the terror I went through.

So, whatever gets you through, latch on to it. It might mean trying a few different things until you find what is right for you, but you will know when you've found it. But for starters, do go and talk to your doctor and see about getting some meds to help you through this depression.

Hugggggs,

Cheryl

Julie 44
Posts: 479
Joined: Oct 2008

I want to thank everyone for their advice..It does help to know that other people go through the same feelings..I will talk to my doctor and talk to my Pastor..I really do need to talk this out..I hate to feel so out of it...Thanks again to everyone Hugs Julie

joanneire
Posts: 75
Joined: Jun 2005

Hi

My husband was diagnosed in Oct/Nov 2004 - stage 4 at 25. We now have a beautiful 5 month old baby boy (conceived naturally - the only one more surprised than us was the oncoloogist!). He's fighting all the time and plans to be here for as long as possible!!!

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

I can't imagine what it has been like for you guys to be fighting this beast as young as you are. My oldest daughter just turned 25 ... He definitely has youth on his side, and to have a baby is AWESOME! Sounds like you guys are definitely fighters, but I still hate that such a young person has to deal with this stuff. I am sure all of your friends are worrying about silly things that all 25 year olds should be worrying about. Thank you for posting!
mary

CherylHutch's picture
CherylHutch
Posts: 1399
Joined: Apr 2007

Congratulations Joanneire!! A 5 month old baby boy... that is so wonderful! And your husband being diagnosed 5 years ago as Stage IV and is still putting up a good fight at 30... a sign of many good years to come!

When he was diagnosed 4 1/2 years ago, where did he have his cancer and he mets? And now, today, does he still have any known cancer... or is he NED (No Evidence of Disease)?

Would love to hear his story!

Huggggggs,

Cheryl

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

I'm very sorry your husband has cancer and at such a young age (I was 46 when dx) but congrats on the baby boy. He's not named NED is he??? :-)

All the best to all of you, keep on keeping on as they say...
-phil

butterfly23's picture
butterfly23
Posts: 257
Joined: Mar 2008

I know how you are feeling and I have only been diagnosed a little over a year ago, I had 12 rounds of 5fu, surgery, I was NED for only 2 months and my lymph nodes are affected again. I did have 2 months of NED..However, I am MAD. I have all the faith and strength and positiveness I can possible have but lately I have been feeling very mad. I guess we all go through different feelings at different times. I had to put my dog of 13 yrs to sleep 2 weeks ago, also due to cancer.. ever since then I have felt mad, I hate to feel down but that was quite a blow to me! We are all very strong on this website, thank God for this website you truly meet some wonderful people, they lift your spirits when you have a bad day... I wish you the best. Keep your chin Up!!! We are all here for eachother!
God Bless!
Karyn

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Whether it's 1 year or 5 years it is a tough battle. I think that's when you read in the paper that so-and-so died after a long battle with cancer, it really hits the nail on the head as far as the fight goes. We all are fighters here though I feel. It's got it's ups and downs for sure and who knows what the outcome will be. I just hope that all of us do the best we can. I've been on a MAD thing too, it was just 5 years for me. I thought I'd be rid of it by how. I didn't think I would be dead though for some reason even though the odds were against me. I feel I will go on for a while yet. I get CT scan results Monday. Hoping for a stable reading at best.
Thanks everyone for their comments on my post and keep them coming.

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

Uggg! That is the absolute LAST thing that I want in my Obit. This is no longer a battle for me, it's a negotiation. When this stupid canzer finally gets the message that we either die together or live together, I can begin to live a more 'normal' life again. I'm not likely to 'beat the beast' or 'win the battle', but cohabitation of this body is a more real possibility for me.

I guess we all find what works for us, I'm just not up for anymore fighting. Negotiation, well, that I can do!

Kimby

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Kimby, I know what you mean. It is a negotiation of sorts. I don't care for the term of being a cancer survivor". I haven't survived Jack... I consider my situation as someone who is "living with cancer". It seems to be a cohabitation. It's funny how we all find ways that work for us on how to get through the daily grind. Some days I'm a fighter, others a negotiator, some days hanging on by a thread, and others just living with it.
At least we're all living and I hope the quality is a good one for the most part.
:-)
-p

Frances4
Posts: 5
Joined: Feb 2007

Hi Phil. I like what you say. I'm a realist too but that's not always popular.
I've been reading the posts for some time and have never seen this question addressed. Is there more than one type? strain?.... of colon cancer? And does this have a connection to recurrance? I know that mine was adenocarcinoma but are all?
I'm 75 but would indulge in a little Herb with you if the occasion arose. Keep up the posting, you are popular!
Fran

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Hi Frances,
I don't see why being a realist, having a positive attitude, faith, and damn good luck can't all exist together. I did't know that there were different strains of colon cancer until I searched a little on the internet. That can give you some more information. I think that I have what you have. I know that most all cancers are rated by staging, I'm a stage IV.
Yes, You, Me and Herb* should get together sometime :-)
Best of health to you Frances...
-p

*I certainly do not condone the use of it just for kicks

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