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Surgery 2 years ago today

MAliceR's picture
MAliceR
Posts: 98
Joined: Mar 2015

2 years ago today I spent the day in surgery after being diagnosed with a recurrence in March. I was not in a good place emotionally. A 3rd surgery, this one just months after aggressive chemo and the loss of one friend to cancer and one of my dearest friends to ALS just a few days prior. To be honest I had just about given up. 3 surgeries, 14 month of chemo, tests, scans, ports and loss all in 4 1/2 years. I was so tired of fighting. I was filled with grief. Not a good place to be when going into major surgery. 
I remember waking up after the surgery thinking it would be so easy to just slip away and stop fighting. Then I heard my friends voice. It might have had something to do with the morphine pump, but I like to think she looked down at me and was reminding me of a promise I made the last time I spoke with her. I heard her telling me to fight and live. To live the life she couldn't. I never broke a promise to her in life, I  was not about to start then. I began healing, physically much faster than emotionally, but the healing began. Today. 2 years later instead of having surgery I am packing to go back to Costa Rica in a few days. Blessed to have 6 weeks in my happy place. The 2 years of life post surgery have been a gift. Worth fighting for. I am living. I still have difficult days. I still have days when my strength falters. When I question and worry about what comes next. All those "what ifs" we all are so familiar with. Especially at testing time. I still grieve for my friend but her words give me strength when I need them most. 
So today, I am grateful to not be in surgery, I am blessed to have had my friend in my life. I am grateful to be alive. I am so fortunate to have a village of friends and family who love and support me. I am grateful I didn't give up. I am really grateful to not be in surgery and recovery today. Even with the morphine pump.

Blessings all, Never stop believing in yourself. 

MAlice

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6733
Joined: Feb 2009

Bet that 2 years has dragged by in some ways and flown by in others.  I'm so glad that you are going to such a great vacation spot.  This time is for you right now and it's time you get to enjoy some of it.  Sorry for all your past losses, it's hard to get through those and move on, but coming up you are going for the gusto and making the most out of life.  You enjoy kiddo and when you get back let us know what an amazing trip you had.

Kim

lhduffer
Posts: 90
Joined: Oct 2015

What wonderful words.  They are two words that I try to remember every day as well.  You have been through so much but have a wonderful outlook and I am so happy for you that you are out living life despite all of the hardships and setbacks along the way.  Enjoy your time in Costa Rica!

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Oh my goodness! Cost Rica! Have a wonderful time! Yes, as they say, this, too, shall pass but it never seems like it when you're in the middle of it. I'm so sorry about your friends. You're tough and have had a rough ride. I hope you'll have a wonderful holiday and your positive thoughts will continue.

Jan

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5530
Joined: Jan 2013

I remember your posts, two years ago. I am glad those years are behind you. I am also glad that you are heading back to you place of peace and look forward to your pictures when you return. 

Onwards and upwards.

Tru

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