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Wife shockingly diagnosed with Stage 4

Posts: 6
Joined: Nov 2017

With a 12 week old at home my wife was fighting what we thought was post C section constipation. So after some back and forth we went to colonoscopy. We got the worst mews possible with in 24 hours stage 4etatsized to the liver and lungs.  We've had C scan pet scan and now my wife has a colostomy to enable to her to eat. The mass is in the colon and potentially in the rectum. We will now start chemo with fulfox and avastiv. Any advice on how to handle this?


Tunadog's picture
Posts: 235
Joined: Mar 2017

Think positive and hope for the best.

There are a lot of survivors around here.

Best of Luck


Posts: 21
Joined: Nov 2017

Right there with you - I just found out yesterday that I have colon.  I dont have a staging or anything yet, but know that you are not alone.


Winny's picture
Posts: 10
Joined: Oct 2017

my wife was diagnosed shockingly also on sept 28 with colon cancer to liver, so know how you feel.  Don’t give up hope, they gave my wife 2 months and here she is after 3rd chemo and doing better and first diagnoses is gone now, try and be supportive and try to help her as much as possible.  It’s very scary and go day by day and spend a lot of time as possible with her. My prayers are with you and hopefully her chemo reacts well against the cancer.  im young also at 41 and wife is 36 and we also have children so be there for her and she goes thru this difficulty road.  prays for you and your wife that she gets thru this. 

Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5487
Joined: Jan 2013

This is terrible news. With a brand new baby, who needs their mummy, and your poor wife now having to deal with this devestating diagnosis. My heart aches for all of you. 

These first weeks are truly awful. An overload of emotions of the worst kind, to overcome. Don't fight those emotions, roll with them, for a while. 

Once your wife starts the chemo, as bad as it is, its a start to the fight, and it actually helps to calm those shattered neves, and restore those shattered dreams. 

Treatment may not be a joy ride, but she will do well with your love and that little baby - and any others that may be at home - 

Be positive, happy, and careful. Take copious notes at all appointmetns, and at home. Note everything that your wife experiences, regardless of wether you think they are side effects or not. 

There are many stage IV survivors here on the forum and out there in the big wide world, and your wife can be one of them. It won't be an easy road, and I wish oyou all the best. 

We're all here to help you help your wife. 


Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6715
Joined: Feb 2009

I'm so sorry to hear this.  After the arrival of your new bundle of joy you get this terrible news.  Just know that there are others on here that are stage 4 and still going strong.  Your wife can deal with this and I'm glad that she has a plan to move forward.  If you need any information before, during and after treatment just ask.  We are all here to give you and her support and information.  I'm sorry for your devestating news but don't give up hope.  Thank you for being such a wonderful husband to find out information for her.  She is lucky to have you.


Mikenh's picture
Posts: 779
Joined: Oct 2017

This is very rough as I assume that both of you are fairly young and a new child is a lot of work. Hopefully the chemo will shrink the tumors so that they can eventually be removed or at least not grow. The folks here have or had cancer or have spouses, parents or friends with cancer and we're here to help you out with what we know or any support that we can provide.

Lily Flower's picture
Lily Flower
Posts: 254
Joined: Jul 2017

My heart breaks for you guys. Life just isn't fair sometimes. Stay positive. There're many stage 4 with metastasis survivors here. She will beat this because she has you and that precious baby of yours on her side. 

Posts: 49
Joined: Oct 2017

I just wanted to tell you to hang in there.  I actually can totally relate to how you are feeling!  My dh was diagnosed in September and he was just restaged to stage 4.  He is 49 and we have 3 children.  I know how scared you must be because I know how scared I am right now.  I just want to send good thoughts and prayers your way! 

Cinnamon Jones
Posts: 21
Joined: Feb 2017

Prayers for you and your family.  

Posts: 6
Joined: Nov 2017

Any stage 4 with met to liver and lungs have any guidance on the steps. We are looking at FulFoxIRI with avastiv for about 6 months. 


The question is then what? Is it surgery? More chemo?  


Also anyone have any anti cancer diet advice?

Mikenh's picture
Posts: 779
Joined: Oct 2017

I think that you should ask your doctors what their plans are as they should know but I’d guess that they want to shrink the Mets for removal.


Posts: 281
Joined: Aug 2016

I have CRC with multiple liver mets - told inoperable.  Started chemo every 2 wks Oct 2016 - avastin + folfiri.  I have had about 27 treatments.  Have had some 3 wk and one 4 wk treatment due to needing a break from the 2 wk schedule.  Had 14 2-wk treatments in a row.  I am not aware of the chemo cocktail that has oxyplatin and irinotecan, but I believe some have had both of these chemos in their chemo cocktail.  I am currently having a 2 mo break from chemo to recoup, as I have had fairly low white blood cells and needed 4 blood transfusions for low hemoglobin, plus other side effects.  Wishing you all the best.  I know many on this site have had folfox.  I'm sure the Oncologist will choose the most appropriate chemo cocktail.  

Posts: 6
Joined: Nov 2017

Thanks you. Still learning and getting educated on talents

darcher's picture
Posts: 303
Joined: Jun 2017

  Each treatment is usually  specialized to the individual.  Some of the factors include the type of cancer which there are many varieties even within the scope of colorectal.  Some are what's referred to as well differentiated and from there degrade to poorly differentiated which defines how agressive it is.  The size, location, and it's interference with bodily functions also matter.  Your age and overall health impact the course of action significantly.  There are hundreds if not thousands of factors that dictate the direction they may take.  They'll tell you shortly.

  A trend that a few of us have experienced is chemo/radiation first then surgery followed up by more chemo. This taken from 3 different parts of the country so perhaps it's the new norm.   As for diet, do what the doctors say.  Not to say there might be some disagreement between them.  For instance, I was told by the radiation oncologist that I had no restrictions. The chemo oncologist said not to eat anything with fiber or spice since it can irritate that area that is being weakened by their treatment. For food I'd opt for what ever is more gentle on the inards if possible as directed.  Be careful with suppliments.  Not all of them will react well to treatments and in some cases counter the chemo. Again, ask before trying anything and heed your doctors warnings well. 

 There seems to be another style practiced by the medical community which I kind of disagree with. That is, allowing the patient to have more than questions to the input of the treatment.  When it comes to this we don't know diddly squat so it's best not to suggest something else unless of course they come back with "There is nothing more we can do..."  In that case I'd ask for a referrel to another place or for any ideas.  Taking the path of studies or clinical trials can be a risky venture. Reasons being, they may not work at all and there is the chance you could end up as one of the people on the placebo which is even worse.  If you're given a choice between this and that, I'd always come back with "which is most likely to work." and take that one.

 None of this will be easy.  The mental anguish can be paralyzing and don't be surprised if your wife gets a little crazy.  We all did and still do from time to time.  Having a baby complicates things. You'll have to do a lot of what she planned on.  For example. With any Chemo it degrades the immune system. That means you get to change all the diapers. Don't let her do it. 


Lily Flower's picture
Lily Flower
Posts: 254
Joined: Jul 2017

Treatment depends on the location of the tumor. If the tumor is low enough at the rectum, it will be chemo/radiation to shrink the tumor, then surgery, then adjuvant chemo afterwards. Adjuvant chemotherapy is to clean up whatever cancer cells might've escaped during surgery. If the tumor is high enough in the colon, the procedure will be surgery then adjuvant chemo therapy. 

CyniD's picture
Posts: 13
Joined: Sep 2017


So very sorry. My husband was diagnosed Sept 5, with colon cancer met to liver, he has had 4 treatments of Folfox with 5FU. His greatest struggle is with fatigue. Absolutely no energy. He has just had a CT to see if the treatment is working. The primary tumor has shrunk, but more tumors in liver. Now he is in ICU with blood clots in lungs. We almost lost himFri night. Not from CA but side effect. I encourage you to try and take it one day at a time. This is probably the hardest thing you have ever faced or at least right up there. It is a roller coaster ride, and it can wreck havoc with your emotions. It is normal to be scared to death. But you will become a little more settled after her first round of chemo I think. I hope and pray you are a Christian that clings to the Lord. His light and love will sustain you. Gather your tribe. You are going to need all the support you can muster. Again, so sorry. You have got this though you can and will meet the challenge. Grace and peace to you. BTW Folfox is a great protocol. Believe it will work for her and love her big time.

Posts: 3
Joined: Nov 2017

I read your comment and my husband diagnosed stage 4 colon/rectal met to liver and celiac lymph nodes - just started aggressive chemo treatment 3 diff drugs FU-5 is one of thme that he infuses in a pack for 3 days-- Is that was caused the blood clot?? is that a side effect? any info that I can look out for would be greatly appreciated - God Bless you in this journey and positive thoughts and prayers

Katwmn63's picture
Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2017

i have stage 4 colon cancer and was just released back to oncology to continue my chemo since I had to take a break to get a colostomy. I am 54, so I sympathize with your wife being a young mother.  You are going to be her biggest support, and your child/children, her biggest motivation.  We are here for both of you!

Posts: 3
Joined: Nov 2017

I will be praying for you and your wife- positive thoughts and positive attitude so important. My husband 50 was just diagnosed stage 4 rectal cancer spread to liver and celiac lymph nodes- I am devastated myself joining this group to seek positive stories and strength - he is my best friend and we have 3 children - this horrible disease affects so many people.. God Bless stay positive prayers for HOPE and Healing

Posts: 172
Joined: Aug 2015

This will be a crazy time, lots of ups and downs.  Chemo is strong stuff and should get rid of a good bit.  It will be tiring with your newborn but at the same time give her so much strength!  Will be thinking of you all.

lizard44's picture
Posts: 409
Joined: Apr 2015

You and your wife have a lot to deal with right now.  I hope you have someone  who can help with the baby when  and if needed. As others have said,  treatment  depends on the individual, and  people  react differently to  treatment, too.  Some people breeze through chemo and radiation while others  struggle with  side effects to varying degrees. The best advice I can offer is to take it one day at a time, or as my husband told me when he was teaching me to drive, "Don't  drive outside your headlights"- pay attention to what's happening, anticipate  what might be ahead, but don't get so worried about what you can't see that  you make yourself a nervous wreck. If you're one of those people who copes better by knowing as much as you can about the condition and the treatment, then research as much as you can in legitimate sources, ask the medical team when you have question or concerns.  Don't get hung up on the statistics or  pay  too much attention to the folks I call "downers" --who go around with sad faces and always have bad news or tales of woe to tell.

This  forum has been a big help to me and many others, as I'm sure it will be to you. There are quite a few stage  four survivors here- I was diagnosed with stage four  rectal cancer with mets to the liver two and a half years ago and hope to be around  several more years.

Best of luck to you and your wife- and the new baby. Enjoy the baby  and give him or her lots of hugs and love.


SophDan2's picture
Posts: 151
Joined: Jul 2017


You hit the nail on the head. I was diagnosed with Stage 3C Colon Cancer and went through surgery and Folfox 5FU chemo treatment and I am 4 weeks from my last treatment. Don't worry about what you can't see and have no control over. Everyone  handles the news and treatments differently. It is just as easy to be positive as it is to be negative, so why not chose the positive.

I'd be lying if I said that the fear does try to enter your thoughts; I call it the bear in the woods waiting for the campfire to go out; keep stoking that fire to keep the bear in the woods.

As others have said, turn to us for comfort, support and knowledge of our individual experiences, as they are all the same yet different.

One thing that I have certainly learned, is that regardless of religion, anyone that offers to pray for you an your family's dilemma accept their prayers, as the more positve energy the better!

Stay strong

blessed39's picture
Posts: 91
Joined: Dec 2016

Dear Csuco2grad, I will be 78 in three days and the reason I'm telling you this is because I too had colon cancer.

Please read my story on my blog entitled "How I Beat Stage Four Colon Cancer." Win or lose there is always hope.

God bless you and yours    blessed39


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