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CSN is getting an upgrade. All of your posts will still be here, but the website will have a new look, new features and be mobile-friendly. To prepare for the changes, the site will be down briefly at the end November. We’ll continue to provide updates as we get closer.    

Moli updating.

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Hi Ladies ,I finally got surgery date for January 6th , long time to wait but i am downsizing and hoping to move within the month of December . I am planning a bells and whistles  Christmas celebration for children and family in my new place.I have narrowed down my search to 3 places and will choose one soon.So won't do any surgery until the new year unless there is an emergency. I sense that I will be unwell for a while after treatment so I am happy to have some time to do some living untill then.

Surgeons requested that I take the time to  get lots of info from others who have had colostomies or it's like, so that I am confident that I can live with this ,in case they have to go that route, I am apprehensive but not afraid or worried, with this disease you are damned if you do and damned if you dont, so I am now like '"whatever" just do it.    I got helpful info from some of you on PM thanks a lot for opening your selves in that way to help me save myself.I hope you know that I was loving as I read.

Although I visited the board briefly some nights, I have not posted as I got the date only yesterday and there was nothing new to post.

Overall I feel well ,a bit tired from house hunting or lazy.No discomfort or pain  but very aware of something in my pelvis feeling a sense of  'biggerness ' every couple of weeks, Which tells me there are growth progressions happening, and oh boy when I walk too much or suddenly stand up from a sitting or stooping position I actually feel like something is adjusting itself way way back of my vagina apparently in another vagina ,weird feeling with no pain,

I wish I knew that I had a spare vagina back there when I was young and thought that I was semi- cute, I would have used them both up. 

Now I have lost them both to rogue cells, how about that.  Woe is me but my cup is still half full.

To all of you sisters I am wishing for you exactly what you hope for.NED and total peace of mind.Preparedness for life and death affords me a peace of mind that can't be explained with any words in the dictionary. I have prepared to live and really live a long time  however if death comes today  it will push no panic buttons on me as I have prepared for that reality too, really prepared with all my ducks in line so I have nothing to stress or worry about no more, forever.and my family will have absolutely no panic planning to do ,their time will be better spent hugging and consoling each other as they think of my life with them whichever way they see it in their individual heads. Now I am fameliar with and understand  'The Peace That Passeth Understanding' 

Re: the wills that are not yet wills ,those under the mattress, those in the drawers or those in your heads , pull them out and do the right thing, stop procrastinating , A proper will. saves families from unloving each other in your absence,just do it. 

Nuff love to you all , Beg ,borrow or steal some Peace of mind, it's a freeing place to be, it lightens your load. Nuff love, Moli

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

No my Dear Cathy I haven't told a soul anything. My oncologist/surgeon agreed that I needn't tell until my date is reset.As I was told of the cancellation of surgery before Christmas I went away instead of  having that planned tell all meeting.

Oh if you had seen the sorrowful face on that emerg. doctor you would have ached to hug him too, He didn't lighten up until I told him I have fully prepared for this Tango with Cancer ,win or lose.

Now I will go get a sleep and face my tomorrow rested. Will update.

I feel the Love, I am hugging you my friend. Please keep a spare hug for tomorrow. I have a feeling I'll need some hugging.

Moli.

Cucu me
Posts: 214
Joined: Apr 2015

I pray for you to have luck and get better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best to all sisters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lou Ann M's picture
Lou Ann M
Posts: 996
Joined: Feb 2015

Keep that amazing strength that you have.  It will help you get through this.  I am so sad that those nasty little cells are finding new spots to hide in you body.  Maybe what the ER doctor saw was something that your surgeon can take care of.  Could be that you will just be short more body parts.  I am missing a bunch by now.  I am glad the ER was able to  you something for the pain. I am thinking of you and wishing you the best.  Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Girl I already feel on my southern end like a room with all the furniture taken out. What will they take next, dear Lord . I am braced and ready though, I just hope the doctors stay with the surgery plans for the 2 big pelvic ones  to save my intestines.

Always  Nuff love. Moli.

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1480
Joined: Oct 2015

Your post brought a tear to my eye but then I had to smile when you said your goose is in the oven but not totally cooked.  I feel like you - my body is trying to kill my mind.  I think of my mind as my life and the body just takes orders from the mind but when cancer or other life-threatening illness hits, it's like the body is revolting against those orders.  In the end, the body usually wins.  My biggest fear before getting cancer was losing my mind.  My stepfather and a dear aunt had Alzheimers for years before they died.  But now, I think maybe they're the lucky ones.  

Take care, my friend, and thank you for the hug.  They are always greatly appreciated.

Love,

Eldri

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Cancer will kill every inch of us before we die if we let it , just be resolved to stay strong and do cancer your way with plenty information and sensible resolution. I am feeling the hug ,thank you. Moli

debrajo's picture
debrajo
Posts: 1095
Joined: Sep 2011

Thats my girl!  Make you happy... God knows there is little joy in this cancer nightmare!  My DIL(42) is "Dying" from metestise breast cancer now.  The mets are in her bones and liver.  She is doing an oral chemo and is stable now.  They gave her 3-10 years(?), but she is very pro-active.  A friend of mine's DIL is also in the same boat and has decided to do nothing...at all.  Her husband helps by doing the MJ in his home.  She is 38 and has a 17 YO and a 7 YO.  It was too late for surgery, chemo didn't stop the tumor growth, neither did radiation.  So she quit everything.  Of the two girls, I think she is the happest.  My DIL is always on the hunt for SOMETHING to keep her stable....very nerve-racking!  So, whatever you are happiest with, so I(we) will be also.  I pray the scan shows a great go-ahead for surgery and that will be that!  Looking for the up-date and keeping up lifted-up.  Your daughter being in love with live is the greatest medicine we mama's can have!  Love to you, Debra

ConnieSW
Posts: 1584
Joined: Jun 2012

hope you called your doctor about the pain.  Pain is so debilitating, physically and mentally.  Please don't hurt when it's not necessary.

Cucu me
Posts: 214
Joined: Apr 2015

Feel bettter, sending you all my best wishes to feel better and your doctors to find

good solution for you.

Kaleena's picture
Kaleena
Posts: 2064
Joined: Nov 2009

sending hugs and much more!

kathy

ConnieSW
Posts: 1584
Joined: Jun 2012

because only bad words would come out of my finger and I didn't want CSN to boot me.  I'm not doing much better today so let me just say I'm hoping things are better than the ER doctor thought.  Good luck.

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Yes Connie dear I think they are always on the watch for bad words , my lips are almost bitten off trying to get my fingers to obey.

I too hope its better than I have braced for , but tomorrow will tell and in the night time I will update. Thanks for the needed support.

Plenty hugs. save me some hugs for tomorrow , ok?

Moli.

ConnieSW
Posts: 1584
Joined: Jun 2012

on the way

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Thanks Kathy ,as I am always thinking of you and your interesting journey,keeps lifting me up.

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Thank you Cucu. I am strengthened by the support.Solution day tomorrow Yea!

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Thanks a million for your unselfish way. Love Moli.

Abbycat2's picture
Abbycat2
Posts: 644
Joined: Feb 2014

 

as I know that today is a big day for you.  My thoughts and good wishes are with you and I wish that I could lend a my support to you right now, today,  in person.  I would even brave the cold weather in your part of the world! Burrrrrrrrr.......

Loving thoughts,

Cathy

Editgrl's picture
Editgrl
Posts: 903
Joined: Jun 2015

I hope you can feel all the love and hugs coming to you today.

Chris

TeddyandBears_Mom's picture
TeddyandBears_Mom
Posts: 1807
Joined: Jun 2015

I hope you got the news we all want for you. And get a surgery date asap.

Love and Hugs,

Cindi

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Scan remains the same as previous. No new cancer seen. NO changes in once fast growing pelvic tumors.Still there though.

No Known reason for that unusual pain  I mentioned earlier this week. My surgeon said the emerg. doctor was alarmed to see on his scan  my 2 pelvic tumors and hearing from me that they  had not been treated at all with anything,Surgeon informed and consoled him on their telephone chat,he was concerned that no one is caring for me. AAh!

Moving on March 1st. Surgery on March 15th. 

No kind of ostomy expected as per surgeon but I am braced anyways.Hospital stay for approx.7 days.I will be home in 3,  me think.

Surgeons ok's the delay to allow me to move,  said with tumors on a lull mode he is not worried, no significant plan changing occurence will happen with the delay.Yippee. Maybe I can sneak a cheap little trip to somewhere in the wait time,who knows.I get restless at times in that caseI will pray some money down (like manna)  starting now or my broke behind will be staying put and rest as it is suppose to.

Thanks to all for such encouragement and unconditional support even when your heads tell you that I am clearly mad. My corner needs you all to stay put. Thanks.

Nuff Love Moli. 

 

 

 

ConnieSW
Posts: 1584
Joined: Jun 2012

i am delighted that my wish for you came true.  Now, on to practical things.  Do you have a move date scheduled?

TeddyandBears_Mom's picture
TeddyandBears_Mom
Posts: 1807
Joined: Jun 2015

GREAT NEWS Moli! I was so hoping things would still be stable for you!!!!!

I do wish it was sooner though. Seems like such a long time away.

Good luck with your move. Get HELP and don't try to do too much.

Love and Hugs,

Cindi

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

January. would have been ideal as I would have had a few weeks to recoup before moving date, but some powerful entity wipes out planned dates when it's not in our best interest, we on the other end must stay flexible.I go with the flow. In the mean time I am doing what I do to hopefully keep tumors in a lull. Doctors told me to not change a thing, but lose 10-15 lbs. I plan to.

And so I will occupy the time so I don't watch it so much. Back to you  I am sending loving hugs.

Moli,

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Moving date is March, 1st.Should be settled in within 3 days.I have gotten rid of most things just taking minimal stuff. A fresh start.

Tapping too, Nuff Love Moli ,

Lou Ann M's picture
Lou Ann M
Posts: 996
Joined: Feb 2015

That is good news.  nothing new. Your surgeon sounds great, because he listens to you.. I am glad he is giving you time to move.  I think slipping a small trip in would be a good idea.  This is encouraging.  Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Lou Ann me too so happy the smile won't leave my face. I have been thinking, on  March 1st I will be in a different new surrounding  so I can pretend I am on vacation ,as I make it my own, if only for a week. Money saving idea , it keeps popping up in my head.My head tries to disrespect my heart sometimes, My heart wants to go somewhere,but head is acting up,I think thats where the brain is. we'll see my sister, we will see.

We as a group must never cease to Pray, Wish, Hope , for each other's Health ,Strength and contentment. I am resolved to this .

Moli

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1480
Joined: Oct 2015

I'm so glad the tumors are not growing and you have your surgery rescheduled.  Hopefully you can get in a little trip before coming back to "reality" whatever that may be.

Love,

Eldri

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Eldri that is why it's good to be braced for all eventualities with backup plans for coping.Reality keeps a finger on the door bells all the time.I have learnt the art of taking deep breaths, I am not a multitasker so I cant cry and deep breath at the same time ( so i 've convinced myself ) so I pick deep breathing 99.9% of the time.

Enough about me , how have you been doing lately?  I need you to know that we care and wishes your fears away.I never fail to talk to the Creator about us, I(For what it's worth) I hope for intervention by way of a scientific break through in Cancer care from an honest Research Scientist who cares about people more than money.  Waiting, Moli.

Plenty Love Eldri

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1480
Joined: Oct 2015

I'm taking one day at a time but I do, as always, have Plan A, Plan B and even Plan C all figured out.  I'm concentrating on getting my wound healed then maybe see about physical therapy for my hip.  

Life is what it is but it's nice we have each other as our own personal cheerleaders.

Love,

Eldri

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Best approach ,one day at a time prevents overload.

Nuff Blessings. Moli.

debrajo's picture
debrajo
Posts: 1095
Joined: Sep 2011

Told you so, I told you so!  Molimoli is not going to be a cooked goose!  Stable is more than great, a little wait is good to get you built up with good food,less anxiety, new place to rest!  It's all good!  My God is an Awsome God and he heard our prayers!  You will not be going anywhere, except to maybe..Jamaca!  Wish I could make you a big ole pot of Texas Beef Soup!  Stay warm girl, and don't forget to BREATH!  LOL!

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

I am breathing Deb. At present time my goose is not  cooked, but no doubt in a percolator, realisticly,but my aim is to pull the plug on this unwelcomed alligator.Texas Beef soup sounds yum, incidentally while you are hoping to build me up my doctor is hoping that I continue to build myself down, which is a joke ,here is why, 5 yrs ago I was plump,perfectly round, looks delicious and happy.Some people including my doctor would , with great diplomacy, say " It would be 'nice' if you shed a few pounds ( they actually mean many lbs) but if you are happy ,thats all that counts" (liars).  No need to say the conversation was always one sided.  I saw big boned,agile,healthy, cuddly, witty, life of the party, fabulous me. I won't speculate as to what they saw but 'fat' was definately part of it.

Death came and carried with it much darkness, most times pitch-blackness. I ate only for survival purposes,and ate very healthy too,although I had always eaten very healthy foods,the word ' portion' to me  meant: separate the food on the plate so everything gets it's own portion of the plate.

Eating for survival only, meant weight loss .I noticed that with the loss comes more agility, longer neck, less behind , I liked that ,I thought that was the blessing my daughters spirit brought for me. So I hugged weight loss as I had hugged food for many moons. long story kind-of-short. Since then I lost 60+lbs.  But hold the celebration my sisters I didn't find the 'nice' they spoke about ,( liars), here is what I found one morning when I woke up:

Every inch of me went south ( not to florida)

Between my chin and neck I got gills

South of my collar bones I got perfectly smooth surface,like a plane's landing strip, I once had voluptuous breasts there.

My nipples are now where my belly button used to be.

My belly button and its accompanying structure  is now part of a canopy that thinks my vagina needs shelter from rain.

And my poor vagina I have only heard that it's still there.

I was thrown in a state of body image ponderment,pondering how to move some of me back up north (not to canada or North pole ,just north of where they are now.) In the midst of that senseless turmoil :

Bam!!! Cancer came with it's own brutal reality , I reloved me Quick,Quick ,Quick. Now I dont give a rats a.. about body image, "me" is my everything,every part is me, but mostly my mind,It is in-tact, I am whole.I am alive, I am lucky or blessed. We must embrace self so we can hug others with meaning.

Debra  I am speaking directly to you and any other sister/s that have been put on or have put yourself on the body image guilt trip, get off of that excursion now,right now,it leads to no place that has "feel good" you are not your body.I sense from some of your post that you are struggling with that issue. I may be wrong and if so please accept my apology, it's because I have been there  so have a keen sense of it's  signs.

I am Loving and hugging  Moli.

 

 

 

 

 

debrajo's picture
debrajo
Posts: 1095
Joined: Sep 2011

Girl you are a hoot! But even in your humor you manage to hit the nail on the head!  I'm 64 years old, survived cancer(thank you Lord!),three open heart surgerys, a burst apendex, eight pregnancies, and a ton of other crud.  My body image use to bother me, but not now!  The first pregancy and delivery were almost fatal and wrecked my health for good, yet I tried the diets, exercise, the beating up of my self, all to no good!  Now I don't give a rats rump about the image any more!  I eat well, clean, green, ect. to feel my best and not give this cancer a foot hold, but, believe me, I eat the Turkey and Dressing and not have a moral delima, I make the Christmas Fudge and have a couple of pieces(just not ten!)and I make no excuses!  The dr.s just look at me, but I guess the look on my face tells them if they value their lives they will remain silent!  I feel good, nothing helps the face or the rolls, or the sag.  Everything has gone south also, almost to Anartica!  but who cares.?  I have five living, very health kids, nine and counting grandkids, I am blessed!  Will I ever look better, maybe, maybe not.  God doen't want a pretty corpus, He wants a beautiful soul!(Working on that too!)  Your comment on the nipple reminded of a meme someone sent me on aging.  The woman was at an ER trying to explain how her nipple got cut while shaving her legs!  Rang true to me!  Love you all, Debra

Cucu me
Posts: 214
Joined: Apr 2015

Moli you are so fun, omg I laugh when I read your posts above

Thank you for that nipple joke, omg

debrajo's picture
debrajo
Posts: 1095
Joined: Sep 2011

Any time dear!  I have to keep joking and laughing since life can be a trial!  I have found so much fun and joy on these boards and so much love, respect, and friendship!  We are all a band of sister, maybe never meating, but always joined(and you too Red!).  Love to make people smile and laugh, it feels so good!  Stay well Cucu and as they use to say "Stay Tuned In for the next Comic Show"!  Best, Debra

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

I needed to be wrong on this one and by George I am,  You and I don't give a rat's something about empty stuff, good for you ,nice to know I needn't worry about you ,about that. Thank the Lord . 

Soul is already beautiful, me think. I am hugging. Laughed out loud about knicking the nipple while shaving ,I will be very careful next time I shave mi legs., Ha haha.

You are loved. Moli

Editgrl's picture
Editgrl
Posts: 903
Joined: Jun 2015

I broke out into a big smile when I read your post! March does seem a ways away but

with your move I bet the time will go quickly. Your surgeon does sound like a gem.

Chris

Abbycat2's picture
Abbycat2
Posts: 644
Joined: Feb 2014

I admit that I've been worried about you, especially after you shared your encounter with the ER doctor. No further tumor growth or additional growths- now that's good news. I wish you peace and a smooth transition to your new home.

Warm Wishes,

Cathy

Anonymous user (not verified)

Hi, I don't know you as well as some of the other ladies do, but I find your posts inspiring to me.  You have fortitude and strenght!  I know I struggle at times with this cancer diagnosis, and I'm just new to this.  Thank you for inspiring me to think practically but positively.  And I send all the hugs I hve in me today to you.  Hugs Nancy

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

I am really sorry that you have had to come here with us but I am assuring you that we will help you to find your footing and brace you up when you feel that you are falling,We have all stumbled, get overwhelmed , get angry at doctor's lack of knowledge.God knows they know nothing for sure about cancer but so do we.  but in time sobriety takes over and we see the glass more half full than empty, You'll see my sister, you'll see .Take deep breaths and slow down the thinking,you can't think cancer away, Your strength and resolve to fight will be lost if you embrace the terrible thoughts that will find their way into your head. 

Inspiration, I am giving back that which was given to me by the sisters on this board and by the people I have come across in my coat of many colors life. Many people gave me so much courage just by sharing their journey, ,I have had the pleasure of spending time with wonderful cancer sufferers off the board and I have learnt so much about acceptance of what is. If I didn't constantly reach for acceptance of life's curve balls then Nancy, Cancer wouldn't have found me alive, Cancer found me reaching for acceptance of other things,it throws my reach into overdrive with it's urgency.Cancer came threatening to kill me but instead saved me from dying of a broken heart.In essence saved me from myself.

My strength comes from the knowledge that Cancer came to me because of none of my actions,and it's  visit was totally out of my control.It came intending to take control of my very being and I wrestled and maintained control of me and my decision making process ,the key is to do nothing out of fear.Everyday I make myself pretend that I know Cancer will kill me tomorrow ,this forces me to live today, I may go on like this for many years living every day to its fullest  and that's a good thing. I may not even die of Cancer but I am not going to be so pompous as to convince myself of that and cease to educate myself about how to best work with the Diagnosis.

Practicality and Positivity . One is facing what is, without the pipe dreams,the other is how to get the best possible outcome. Hand in hand they go.

My life's saga and Cancer saga are discussed in my early posts, in August,Sept ,Oct. Nov, and Dec. of 2014 and throughout 2015 If you can find them then you will no longer be able to say you don't know me well.I was uncensored and my displeasures with treatment options were penned.

I am a nicer version of that girl now that I have come to know that most Cancer Doctors don't know squat .Time has taught me that it is not their fault.I am able to forgive now that I have found some that knows a little about the subject and is willing to allow me with their help to do Cancer the wayI am most comfortable with. 

We have a wealth of experienced warriors here on this board, just shout out when enough gets to be enough.

Please stay with us Nancy, you will be comforted,

May the Creator through Grace ease your burden until you know how strong you really can be.

I have received those hugs my sister, I have multiplied them and sent lots back to you with Nuff Nuff Love.

Moli

 

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

I know you were worried Cathy, so sorry to cause it. He saw the large tumors but didn't know that he was no Columbus, as I knew about them a year ago, Nice that he was concerned though.

Moving will be a lot of work as it is super cold here and if snow is on the ground then Lord help us, But I'll survive it ,I am excited to only have a few things around me for the first time in my life . I have really downsized. It spells relief.

Thanks for your ever present support,

I give thanks to the Creator for your NED status. Moli.

molimoli
Posts: 514
Joined: Aug 2014

Chris I can see your smile in my mind's eyes, Warm feeling Thank you.

Oh he is a gem alright and quite humerous. He is a brilliant surgical oncologist named Sugimoto, sounds like a car fixer eh?

Blessings in abundance Chris,Moli

 

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