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Not the Day or the Way I Wanted to Mark 9-Years:(

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

First, let me apologize in advance for being a downer after barely being able to enjoy the highest of highs for only a brief moment.

That's the story of my life...

Whenever I can 'get happy', the smile always gets knocked off my face Frown

I had a completely different post (just sitting ready to go for today) to mark the 9-year day...

So, we'll have to go with this postfor now until I can find out more...

I was in the onc's office for just a blood-lab visit on Friday...port was plugged and I had to argue with the nurse for TPA, so we didn't get blood and they sent me up to the doctor.  I kept telling her for what?  To say hello?  No blood?  Nothing to talk about with him...

When I got up there, this other nurse was up there and said your doc wants blood - and she drew it right there on the spot, she was good too:)

Anyway, the consult went good and some of the bloodwork had come back, but not much of it.....the CEA was still pending, but we talked about it.....

Last time it sat about 2.8 I believe...but, it has been trending slightly upwards in very small increments.  The doc brought this up and there was a look on his face that said CONCERN...somehow, I didn't interpret this as anything, but his expression did let me know that he was worried and conerned about what he was seeing as we moved through the cycles. 

We left with..."I'll call you if there is anything substantial with the CEA...."

It's Monday now...I just got a call a few minutes ago from my doc...and this is a guy that doesn't call to say Howdy.  He said simply..."Call me."

Oh, $hit!

I just got that sinking feeling we get in our guts; that sort of nauseous feeling that comes over you.  I thought for a minute if I should mention this to anybody at all - it may be nothing after all.  But, the doc doesn't believe it - and neither do I now.

I felt before I said anything, I should tell my wife about the possibilities...she should be the first to know....she was at a doctor's office herself and so I told her what I knew...I couldn't get a read of what she was thinking....she was quiet and I was giving her the numbers etc.  And then I let her go for her consult....I hated to say anything to her at all, but felt it was right to make her aware of possible future events.

So, now the onc wants to move the CT scan immediately up (can't argue with this) and I'm waiting on the nurse to help me get this scheduled so we can see what's going on.

CEA was 2.8 last visit.....three months later it now sits today at 9.2.

I realize that it can be many factors and I am old school with this stuff.....but it's a disturbing trend and now it's not going up in tenths of a tenth percent....

The post that I wanted to release was the marking of 9-years with a cancer diagnosis....and 2 years in a remissive state....and my theory on why I was finally staying clean....one I've been waiting to talk about for so long....oh well, perhaps another day now.

I guess I'm really not surprised if we find anything - what will puzzle me more is why it took so long for it to get her? 

If it is cancer again - that will make #4....

Feels like a sucker punch to my ribs...its amazing how quickly your mind and thoughts turn once again when confronted with the possibilities...

I'm sorry to bring you down after getting you so high.....maybe I should have waited, but I just had the air let out of my tires....and I just can't get to enjoy the things I've tried to work so hard for. 

Well, at least we're published....I'm going to go and finish up sending out the paperwork and get my mind off it - I can't change it....I'm just disappointed if it is the case, because it tells me what I've already known - and then let myself believe wouldn't happen anymore.

There will be time to talk about things....

Happy 9th!!!!   Now, do I know how to celebrate or not?

LOL!

Im

LindaK.
Posts: 490
Joined: Apr 2013

Keep on that high from last week!  Double $hit, triple $hit, a zillion $hit!!  I know that feeling, but let all the good energy from last week carry you through the next few days, appointments, etc.

Happy 9th Anniversary, you deserve to celebrate!  I will celebrate with  you today no matter what.

Linda

smokeyjoe
Posts: 1428
Joined: Feb 2011

Crapy CEA .......hope your scans are clear Undecided     When did you last have scans?? 

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

CEA was a good indicator for my colon and my liver.....

Not a good indicator when it was in my lungs....

We'll just have to see.....wish I could pretend that it's nothing...I'm ready to scan right now and get it over with. 

It's like I just took a trip back in time....it's that feeling of feeling like you're frozen in your tracks...and you have to force yourself to do something else but stare and contemplate something totally different than you were expecting to when you got out of bed...

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Now these guys are really making me think....

I just a call from the gal who just wanted me on the phone (for the other gal who was trying to set up my scans...)

Normally, everything is just scheduled and released through MyChart......not this time though.

The head nurse I always took and that takes pretty good care of my scheduling issues and whatnot, sounded kind of down when talking to me....talking in low and hushed tones.  I know this is from talking to her Friday, when I was so up and bubbly and making everyone laugh etc.

Then the other shoe drops (maybe) and it's a complete....180....she said 'bummer.' 

Anyway, I'm surprised about the personalized care...they are taking it seriously...and that makes me feel funny somehow.  Like they already know something I don't...

Trying to focus up here at work.....but just having a difficult time with it today....wife is crying, because she's a 9th year caregiver and is probably thinking Oh No, not again.

Just told her no worries....

They are going to MRI the liver (suspicious area) for abdomen / pelvis......and then CT the chest...both with contrast.  It will be a full day with consult two days after scans. 

I guess we'll know then....

 

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3332
Joined: Jan 2010

I know that the CEA is worrisome, but please don't let it overshadow your success in getting your article accepted.  That was such a big WIN for you and all of us who live vicariously thru your writings.

Unfortunately some of us seem destined to face challenge after challenge in our life.  That you have survived 9 years and are getting published are a great testament to your strenght and courage.  Without the trials and tribulations you would not have found your VOICE again, nor your alter ego.

You know the drill...don't over anticipate bad news...take it day by day ... put one foot in front of the other.

You have a darn big family around the world who are here to support you no matter what.

When you need a hug, justs wrap up in that big star and feel the love.

Hugs and love,

Marie who loves kitties

 

 

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

(NM)

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I was born under a bad sign:)

I'm a Cancer with Cancer....luv3jay and I used to joke about that one:)

Thank you once again for your kind words and I don't know why I feel so badly about this at the moment....

Well, yeah I do....

I'm thinking about how hard I will have to climb another hill - just as I was hoping to finally climb out of Life's Hole.  It seems that I'm climbing uphill in a rain storm....and just as soon I try and reach over the top and try to pull myself up.....back down the hill I roll...

I'm probably putting the cart before the horse....I have been hurting alot the past six-months but have not said anything - was waiting on regular scan cycle to reveal or not.

I'm feelng a mix of emotions right now....and was feeling great this morning before his phone call.....I had a nice post written for this occasion about 2-weeks ago, just sitting for June 9th....which also marked my 4-years with this board. 

The Specter of Cancer has temporarily removed the colors from my sight - red looks grey and yellow white - and I'm left to decide which is right - or which is an illusion...

I thought I would get more than a couple of days out of that last post...and somehow, I just never figured he'd call.....thought CEA might 'barely' be going up, but not that kind of rise....it just doesn't sound good.  I can't see if it would be inflammation or an infection....

I'm not scared....just get that feeling that you already 'know'....and how much work and good fortune that would take out of me - just to (maybe) get me back to where I'm writing you from right now.  And that's the damnation of it all for me if that turns out to be true again.  Thank you for your reassuring hug!

This morning, I thought I knew what Survivorship meant....

Now, that definition has potentially been redefined....and my meaning now feels lost...

It's like a lightswitch.....I was happy about the article and working happily towards getting the editor the stuff she needed.....I was planning on writing Jen/Chels the post they requested and it was gonna' be good too....they asked me how did I cope with cancer for this long?

Just the threat of 'rain' has dampened my enthusiasm, where before I was ready to come out of the gates blastin' away with good stuff.

I guess I'm just going back through the Acknowledgement Phase of Possible Recurrence again today....and I'm just fleshing out my feelings by talking with each of you today.....it's a good thing as I can't concentrate too much today....

Tomorrow will be better...and next week, we'll know something one way or the other...

My mind is drifting now....I was going to tell Jen/Chels how I was just starting to see a (maybe) life after cancer....and I was starting to feel some hope.....we've been working on our place since wrapping dad to trying to get our lives right - I finally got some good news with the article acceptance....

And the big thing I was going to tell them is my shift in attitude from the 1st Chapter of the book I wrote about 2-years ago now...my thoughts had finally started to drift away from that and was moving in another direction.....I was excited to talk with them about that.  Excited to talk with LindaK about some relationship stuff too.

Now, I'm thinking about when I would have to leave work again - would I make it back this next time - would we able to hold the line during this fight - would surgery be an option - etc. etc.

Right now, though I just feel a little bit empty...

I talk about Empowerment and not letting cancer dictate our actions...but it does, doesn't it?

Certainly, at times it sure does... 

And all it takes is a phone call or a bad scan to change our whole point of reference....and that's what I can't stand about cancer.  Some days, it makes you want to fight - and other days, it wants to make you roll up like a pill bug.

Thanks for letting me get some of these early feelings out of the way....

If Chicky were here, she'd say that her lion had a thorn in his paw:)

Ok, I smiled....see?

I'll be alright, just frustrated at what I might have to face again...

 

LindaK.
Posts: 490
Joined: Apr 2013

Craig, you have given me such a gift and while I cannot write as eloquently as you do, I am wishing you HOPE.  I have not been in your shoes, but your past words have given me hope.  Please share all your feelings with your wife tonight.  As a wife, I would also feel sad, scared, etc. but would want to share those feelings with my husband.  It's always better to have people you love in your corner.  You have so much good energy from everyone on this board you have reached out to.  Please feel that energy and let it comfort you as you wait.  Please keep your thoughts positive as I will...

Sending you peace,  Linda

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3332
Joined: Jan 2010

Cancer plays hell with our minds and emotions, that is for sure.  It keeps us from having that bright future which we all yearn for.

I just had a tough talk with my folks (both in mid-80's) about my sister's cancer situation.  Her doc sees her treatments as only giving her more time...there is no cure in her future without a miracle.  He has put her on a chemo holiday for the next 3 months to give her some quality of life.  I will be trying to arrange a one-on-one talk with her doc to see what to expect as time goes by.

For those who have had a period of NEDness, the thought of a recurrance is always there, but of course you are well aware of this.

You speak of reaching for the top of the mountain, but never quite getting there.  I guess I look at our situations a little differently.  I think you are looking to get to the top of Mt. Everest, while I see goals and successes as reaching the top of Old Rag in the Blue Ridge Mts.  While significantly lower, Old Rag presents its own challenges and gives that exhiliration of success when you reach the top.  I don't expect either my sister or I to out live the cancer threat, but I sure as heck will continue to climb that smaller mountain because those successes make every day more precious.

Life is frought with pitfalls, woes and crisis.  We just have to do our best with whatever we are handed.  Know that the things you do have a significant and long lasting impact on others. 

Remember, you do not face your future alone.  We here may not be related by blood, but we have a bond that cannot be broken.

Hugs and love,

Marie who loves kitties

 

 

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 682
Joined: Jul 2011

I'm still absorbing the info in your post...with sad eyes and heart.  I so want to "mother" you and say that everything will be ok....  Of course we have grown up lately knowing there are no words that really sooth or heal.  But I WILL say that I have great faith that if anyone can climb "one more hill" It is you.  I do not know your faith BUT I DO know mine so will be sending prayers for you out  into the universe...

i love the Lion...  I am Leo born on the cusp of Cancer and Leo...   God Bless

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I wanted to circle back around and catch up to the earlier posts:)

Wanna' know something ironic?

I'm a Cancer born on the  cusp of Leo (July 21st)!!!

No wonder Chicky named me The Lion, LOL! 

I didn't get alot of 'mothering' when I grew up....mine was just not capable of such an act...manic depressive with overly-expressed narcisisstic tendencies....she never really acknowledged that I had cancer...and never came to see me when I was in the hospital during surgeries.....she didn't come to our wedding either....and on and on...

So, I count on all of my honey mamas out there to be an even better substitute.....hugs were in short abundance where I grew up, so they are always welcome with me:)

Once I get my mitts wrapped around you - well, you'll be a changed woman, LOL! 

Nobody has asked me for a refund:)

Thank you, Lori for visiting with me:)

-Craig

Semira's picture
Semira
Posts: 378
Joined: Mar 2012

Oh my dear Craig,

what a storm instead of a sunny calm afternoon. I understand all your thoughts and worries and have no really advice to offer, just a warm hug from far away. Hope for fast results and may them be as good as possible.

It is what it is (or better will be what it will be) and you will face it in your special Lion style (miss that picture btw)

Thinking of you!

Petra, Cologne, Germay

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
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The Lion Roars...

Semira's picture
Semira
Posts: 378
Joined: Mar 2012

go on big cat :-)

Semira's picture
Semira
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Joined: Mar 2012

double

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

Craig, I want you to celebrate!  This is a happy 9th for you! 

 

I can imagine how you're feeling though.   I'd feel the same.  You're a strong man.  I know that in my heart.   I'm hoping the CEA is a fluke.  Get your scan and let us know.  Know that I'm sending virtual hugs and love across the miles. 

 

Holly

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Nice to see you again and glad things are still going well.....I should have taken a page out of your book:)

Actually, in a strange way, I'm hoping that the reading is some kind of anomaly as well...some spike due to some kind of inflammation or something.....

Onc is too concerned though....and I think that's what caused me to kind of freak....cause I really wasn't expecting anything to come out of it. 

But, we'll see next week...

Take care!

HollyID's picture
HollyID
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Joined: Dec 2009

double

tachilders's picture
tachilders
Posts: 313
Joined: Jun 2012

9 years is a gift that many don't get with this disease, so celebrate it!!!  Best of luck with your tests, and we all hope it is not a recurrence.

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I've gotten a couple more than I should have been given...though it wasn't handed to me...

Friday, I was talking with my onc and I was bringing up 9-years and 2 years of it finally continuously remissive...and what it all meant?

He looked away and wistfully replied.....the 9-years.

And this morning, I understood that a little bit better than I did three days ago when I last saw him.

It's a lifetime in the colorectal world, which was why I had decided to originally post (lots of new folks here).

Thanks for your post and will hope right along with you that this is erroneous.  Hope all is still going well with you too.  Best of luck with the results you've been waiting on as well. 

 

Dyanclark's picture
Dyanclark
Posts: 296
Joined: Apr 2012

My husband is in a remission for about 3 months and Dr. feels it will last at least 2 years, his original cancer was stage 2 in 2008.  It just becomes a lifetime battle and then in some cases it just stays away.  We have a neighbor who had colon cancer, then liver resection.  He has been in the game for 25 years but has done so very well last occurrence was 8 years ago.   Can only say dont get to depressed and get ready to fight and add another 9+ years to your life.

HUGS George & DyanSmileKiss

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Congrats to your husband! 

Cancer reminds me of the game...."Red Light - Green Light"

Do you remember that one from the old days and the old ways?

Green Light = we drive as fast and as far as we can.........then Cancer yells Red Light....and things come grinding to a complete halt.

I'm working through the process....it's been hard to wait for the upcoming tests....I'm just really ready to get on with it and see what this is about. 

I don't think we've gotten the opportunity to talk with you too much, but I have read your posts and am glad for the positive response that you are both experiencing!

So, officially....Howdy!

-Craig

lesvanb's picture
lesvanb
Posts: 911
Joined: May 2008

and hugs to Kim.

I agree with many about celebrate what you can celebrate!  ...and I understand about the thunderbolt that's just gone through you.  Crap. 

The theme from the all womens bike ride that I participated in on the June 1 weekend in Lewiston, ID. (supports cancer reserach at the Huntsman in SLC among others) was: Keep calm and ride on! It's written on the orange and yellow plastic bracelet on my right wrist and I will think of you when I look at there.

Right here with you..

Love, Les

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I'm a big party pooper, right?

I wish I had 'better timing' sometimes.....

Live it up for us both!

marbleotis's picture
marbleotis
Posts: 700
Joined: Mar 2012

Craig,

I know it is very hard not to over-analyze every tiny thing right now.  Please just take a breath, get the tests and make decisions from there.  You are a great source of strength for others, now it is our turn to be a source for you.

Our minds can be the enemy while we wait for these tests.

Do not let this cancer take anything else from you.  Please keep us posted.

Remember to exhale!

Love to you and your family

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

"Our minds can be the enemy while we wait for these tests."

Yes indeed....no truer words spoken...and that's what's happening today....my mind is working against me today as you say.  And for the first time, in a long time, the waiting is playing a role.  I guess I just need to know, so I can move my mind accordingly. 

I'll try and remember what you said - which sounds like something I would say to someone here...

I just need to work through the process. 

What this tells us is that no matter where you find yourself in the fight - or how many years you are involved, the core roots of trepidation are never too far away from our imaginations. 

Thank you for your post and hopefully by tomorrow, I'll have slept this hangover off:)

Love/Craig

tanstaafl's picture
tanstaafl
Posts: 1292
Joined: Oct 2010

Now, do I know how to celebrate or not?    

...with CC?   When you were younger, "Canadian Club"?  More recently that "other" board.  For us, cimetidine and celebrex(recently). Perhaps some curative cutting.

Deep breaths, perhaps its a slower moving solitary site and CEA that can still be stuffed back in the bottle with something more polite.    "Better living through [improvised] chemistry".  Molecular changes may suggest molecular answers are also needed.

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
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Joined: Jun 2009

Canadian Club, LOL?!

I like the definition of that CC rather than mCRC:)

Yes, perhaps this is something that won't be as intense as the other fights I've been in.  I'm to the point, where I need to selectively fight my battles.....and less toxic chemicals and/or a surgical procedure would be the best weapons I could have.

I'm staying glued in by thinking that way......

I'm wondering where the potential involvement lies......is it back in my liver after 5-years?  That's where the 'shadowy' area of post-collateral damage that we concurred on was in the last scan. 

Is there a tumor hidden beneath the brush?

Or is it back in my lung?  I've been having some kind of a feeling along with occasional sharp spasming pains in my left lung the past few months. 

Hopefully, between the MRIs of Abdomen/Pelvis and CT of chest....we'll get a better idea.  It always helps when you can physically identify your adversary...takes the mystery out of it....which would be a good thing to help me get focused on what's next.

Thanks Tans!

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4891
Joined: May 2005

Are you going to catch me or what!?!? Stop this nonsense and kick cancer's A$$ please?
Hang in there Buddy...sending positive thoughts and all that stuff...
~Harry Potty-Mouth

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

In the post, I had planned to release, I was going to say that I would always be "4-months & Change" behind you....

But, that was a good thing for me, because it represented two things to me...

1. My boy Phil is still makin' it...

2.  And staying in your rear-view mirror, means I was too....

And it's a case where finishing at #2 would always be alright with me:)

I'm turned sideways today, because of the timing of it all....not so much the threat...

I've expected cancer to return all along - and have truly wondered why it has taken so long...

I don't know...finally, getting the approval for the article.....and then having to switch gears on my anniversary date of my 9-years....+ being up 4-years on the same day....well, it just flat-out fkd with me.  The threat of cancer just crashed both of my parties.

I'm sure I'll be pi$$ed in very short order....and then I can get onto business...

He's a sneaky one, this Cancer is.....

Glad to see you on my 9th year....your presence here today helps me by seeing you and reminding me of how truly special it is - and how very hard it also is - to make it 9-years with a cancer diagnosis...

Anyway, thanks man for your support!

 

jen2012
Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

Grrrr!   I hate that you get knocked down from the high.   Please try to stay positive and know that we are all here pulling for you.   I hope it's nothing to worry about.

Yes - take your wife for a nice dinner and celebrate! 

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

That was fun, wasn't it?

Talk about a buzzkill...

Oh well, it just doesn't change what we just accomplished, so I'll try and hold on to that, but it doesn't feel as good as it did a couple of days ago..... 

I hope it is nothing as well, but some of the bloodwork is suspect and I've just got to wait a week and get the tests done....the answer is already written....and I can't change that no matter what. 

Ha ha about dinner!  She's working the late shift tonight....last I talked to her, she was sobbing trying to hide it and then finally breaking down.  I told her not to worry and let her off the hook, so she could go onto work.  I said it might be ok, but I don't know who I was trying to convice - her or me.  I'll be in bed before she gets in.  There won't be any need to hash any of his out....

Besides, I don't think she'll feel like celebrating anything right about now - I sure don't.

But, that's why they make Tomorrow...

Thank you, Jen:)

mom_2_3
Posts: 964
Joined: Nov 2008

Well dang, dang dang dang.

I know that the increase in the CEA is worrisome and I would be worried too.  I keep you in my thoughts and prayers that whatever it is you learn, you take it all in, and then, resolutely, move forward with whatever plan of action is required.  Was it Winston Churchill that said, "When you're going through hell, just keep going?"

Thinking of you and Kim,

Amy

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Amy,

I thought that was KIMBY:)

She changed it and said, when you're going through Hell- put your foot on the gas:)

Thank you!

Chelsea71
Posts: 1170
Joined: Sep 2012

It's such a vulnerable world we all live in. The expression on the doctors face, the nurses choice of words during a phone call. Trouble seems to be always lurking around each corner. We can never completely let our guard down. Just spotting a missed call from the doctors office can cause a weekend of stress and anxiety. We just never know when someone will turn our world upside down. I am sorry this has happened to you on a day where you should be celebrating. You've had a lot of highs and lows throughout this past week.

I hope I am wrong but I do think it's likely a recurrence. Based on what you described, it seems like your onc is concerned. This in itself raises a red flag. 9.2 is not very high. I think it's indicative that something is brewing, but I think it's going to prove to be small and manageable. Anyone with a stage four diagnosis is going to spend the rest of their life chasing cancer. You and your onc have chased it down early. I really believe you will be able to nip it quickly and move on to your next period of remission.

I am so sorry (and really angry) that you have all this on your mind during what should be such a happy time. It really ticks me off. Steve and I will be thinking of you.

Chels

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I am so sorry (and really angry) that you have all this on your mind during what should be such a happy time. It really ticks me off. Steve and I will be thinking of you.

I believe that this is root of the issue right now on how I'm feeling.....what you said (highlighted)...

And if I'm being even more honest with you....#4 would confirm the belief that I've held for such a long time...that Recurrence will play a role for me until it finally takes my life.  I had so much hoped to break free of its grips - and to instill hope that some of us do walk away.....but I guess, I'm not the answer.

And yes, I believe it is another recurrence as well...while 9.2 is not off the chart, it's a sharp rise and this time, it looks like the number is relevant.  Like you said, perhaps something brewing...I can't take the chemical route for too long, so if it is something, then I hope that surgical intervention is an option - as this would extend my time a little bit further.

And yeah, he's concerned and I did pick up on it, but foolishly dismissed it...guess I didn't want my party spoiled:)

He was all business when he called....he's only called me twice (4-years), so as soon as I heard his message and thought back to what he said - I checked my CEA level and knew what he wanted....and then it was just a punch in the stomach kind of feeling.

But, as you say, it's good that he is concerned and making changes....he held my feet to the fire pretty good last time, so I know he means well and is concerned about me.  I always enjoy any banter time that we get where I get to play "Dr." and discuss my theories with him...but he always has listened to what I had to say and treated me with respect with regards to the topics we discuss.

I hope you're right - I hope it is manageable...maybe it won't be that bad....it's always worse in our minds, isn't it?

Well, sometimes, LOL!

 

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1721
Joined: Nov 2001

Nine years Craig. Congratulations on the fight you have put up ,commiserations for what it has cost you and your body. You know my catch cry' surviving survival ain't easy'. The prospect of another fight if you had a fit healthy body would be fine. But it is not is it, any wonder you are feeling down. I know what it feels like when you know that a flu or some minor illness can take you out. All the best mate, you can only hope the scans show something really simple to fix. You have done it all with out any luck. About time the cards fell your way for once , Hugs Ron.

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

It has taken me a full 2-years to get back to where I'm at from my last fight....so I know what you're saying. 

I am about as far recovered as I could be I suppose...I'm just wondering if cancer will finally retire me now?

Thanks for your continued support!

wolfen's picture
wolfen
Posts: 1321
Joined: Apr 2009

Just got home from my appt. at the SS office & saw your post. This is NOT what I wanted to see. Although you are fighting the odds again, remember "It's not cancer till they say it's cancer".

I know how hard it is to not let this throw a blight on your 9 year celebration, but as the lion has returned, I know you will take whatever comes in stride. That's just the way you are. We are all here to lift your spirits when need be. Hope is not extinguished. It is merely taking a well deserved rest and will be by your side once again.

I understand the highs and lows all too well. For many years, I have been afraid to do anything that might cause enjoyment in my life, for I knew that some disaster would always follow. I suppose that's just the cycle of life for some. I have probably missed out on a lot of fun things, but, you know what, disaster came anyway. So don't be afraid to celebrate your 9 years or your accomplishments. At least, you will have those "good" memories.

Luv,

"Mama" Wolfen

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Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I want you to promise me that you won't worry too much about me:)  I know you've got your hands full with everything and I don't want you to feel weighted down if this news is confirmed.

It would be nice to have it be an aberration and just go away...

"2nd Son" really choked me up.....does J know she's got another brother now, LOL! 

I've got to get down to her post - as she really wrote me some pretty insightful stuff btw.

I feel your hug! 

Love/#2

 

hopeandcure
Posts: 7
Joined: May 2013

Celebrete the 9 years you got Smile Happy Anniversary on your 9th Year .. Excited for you .. Keep up that fight!

Tina

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Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Your name says it all:)

Thank you for your well wishes, Tina....when things settle down, I hope to remind myself of what you said:)

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LivinginNH
Posts: 1458
Joined: Apr 2010

 

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

If only this picture could talk.....

But, then again, maybe it already has....

Thank you!

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Annabelle41415
Posts: 6249
Joined: Feb 2009

Just can't express how badly I'm feeling that you got this bad news today and now what lies ahead for you.  Rest assured that you are very much cared for on this board and  we are all pulling for you.  I'm hoping that it is something that they can nip in the bud fast so you can get back to being "you."  I'm sure you will continue to fight as hard as you did previously and come out a winner once again.

Kim

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

We'll just go with that one....

:)

As always, thank you for your support!

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2589
Joined: Jun 2006

darn dang and triple darn.....not news any of us wants to hear....crap....I hate this.  hang in dear friend

mags

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Do you see what lengths I gotta' go to just to get you out of the cabin?

LOL!

I understand what you're telling me....

Thanks for visiting!

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

I'm just  so ticked off right now that it dared to invade you once again, that I can't see straight.

Well brother from another mother, your just going to have to put those Big Billy spurs on, saddle up and kick cancers @ss once again.

Yep, it ain't fun, it ain't right, and d@mn I know we get tired of it daring to show up again on us.  But you'll do it.

I'm hoping for an isolated area that can be cut out.  I know you're feeling let down and deflated, but you can handle it, you're my buddy, someone I've got a ton of faith in.  I look forward to my nine years someday and beyond, you and Phil are busy paving the way for us.

Love and hugs,

Winter Marie

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Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I've got to give the nod to Phil....looks like he'll get the 'last word' in after all:)

Maybe:)

That's an old inside joke of Phil's everybody....

Thanks, Winter and congrats on all of your success - all the way around!

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