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My Cherokee Irishman Has Gone Home

wolfen's picture
wolfen
Posts: 1321
Joined: Apr 2009

All My Friends,

With the help of the wonderful Hospice group, my Ron was transported to our home Saturday at 2:30 PM. Robert & I rode with him. It was expected that he would expire shortly afterward. However, he managed to hang on until 9:10 AM Sunday. There was no struggle, only my own. He woke as the vent was removed, opened his eyes & said "I am alive". But it was not to be. He returned to sleep immediately and was kept comfortable until his tired body said it was time to go. I believe he knew that we had brought him home. We played his favorite John Wayne movies, held his hands tightly, & talked to him all night. JBG woke & came into the room & cried saying "Please God, why don't you take him home." Ten minutes later he took his final breath. As I am not a person of strong faith as she is, it is very hard to wrap my mind around this, but she & Ron had a special bond, so who am I to question what happened?

I am numb. I know many of you have been here before and in time, we will get through this. I removed every nasty reminder of this terrible illness from my sight. I could not stand to look at all the meds & equipment. I'm hoping they'll get it out of my house tomorrow.

Even though I thought I knew this man so well, I did not realize he had had been saving small amounts of money to help us after he was gone, enough to put a down payment on his funeral. I found it with a small card I had purchased in the hospital gift shop & given to him him after he became so ill six months ago. I would like to share with you the words on this card:  I love you as you are. I love you as you will be. I love you because there's this little part of me(my heart)...that tells me that you and I were simply and always meant to be.

I cried when I found this card, for you see, that is what each of us felt for the other. I am proud to have been his wife for forty one years and he will always be in my heart.

Luv,

Wolfen

abackhou
Posts: 77
Joined: Jan 2012

of your dear husband.   Please accept my deepest condolences to you and family.  What a bueatiful card from the heart was left to you. RIP Ron you fought so well.

 

Andrew

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2117
Joined: Oct 2009

I am so very sorry.  

Love and hugs to you and your family - Tina

Semira's picture
Semira
Posts: 378
Joined: Mar 2012

there are no words...

Thinking of you

Petra

 

Cathleen Mary
Posts: 827
Joined: May 2011

 

Dear Wolfen, 

I am so very sorry. The words in your card to Ron tell an incredible love story. May you find peace in the unconditional love you shared. 

Be gentle with yourself.

Hugs,

Cathleen Mary

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

I'm so sorry for your loss...

jen2012
Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

So sorry for you and your family...hugs...

Chelsea71
Posts: 1170
Joined: Sep 2012

Sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace.

Chelsea

fatbob2010's picture
fatbob2010
Posts: 467
Joined: May 2012

Cannot express the sadness for your loss.  May he rest in peace and may you find comfort in his peace.  Art

joemetz's picture
joemetz
Posts: 493
Joined: Nov 2011

Love is patient, love is kind and true love never ends.

 

Although you are apart, your love will grow for one another and he wants you to be happy as soon as you can find that happiness within you.

 

my prayers and thoughts are with you.

 

Joe

 

plh4gail's picture
plh4gail
Posts: 1238
Joined: Oct 2010

Big hugs to you and JBG! I've always love your solf, calm strength on here. I only wish we were able to be there in person for you to give that back and hepl hold you up, even though I know you loved ones will. Bless you wolfen for every kind word and gesture you have shared.

Love you, Gail

db8ne1's picture
db8ne1
Posts: 141
Joined: Feb 2013

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

J

lorig01
Posts: 82
Joined: Jul 2012

You and your family are in my prayers. 

Goldie1's picture
Goldie1
Posts: 264
Joined: Sep 2011

Our condolences to you all.  You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Ellen & Pat

YoVita's picture
YoVita
Posts: 590
Joined: Mar 2010

I am so sorry for your loss

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6210
Joined: Feb 2009

I'm sorry for your loss and hoping that the wonderful memories you shared through the years will sustain you through these rough times ahead.  You were a good wife and that was wonderful that he put it so beautifully into words for you.

Hugs!  Kim

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 682
Joined: Jul 2011

Peace be with you...

 

jcortney's picture
jcortney
Posts: 503
Joined: Sep 2012

I read your post this morning and sat in front of my screen and cried.  I'm not much of a crier and I was crying for someone I never even met.  Now some of it was "there but the grace of god go I", but most of it was damn it, he tried and worked so hard to stay with you and his family that it just doesn't seem fair somehow.  My God how I hate this disease.

My heart goes out to you Wolfen.

Joe

Laralyn's picture
Laralyn
Posts: 531
Joined: Apr 2012

I'm glad he was home with his family, and that you had a moment where he was awake. And yes, I do think he knew that you were there, playing his favorite movies and talking to him. It's a big world with so many possibilities, and yet you two found each other. I agree that you were meant to be together.

Keep in mind over the next few weeks that you're never alone--we're all with you and thinking of you.

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3327
Joined: Jan 2010

There are no words to say as I reach across the miles to hold you and your family during this difficult time.

Hugs and love to you all,

Marie who loves kitties

Momof2plusteentwins's picture
Momof2plusteentwins
Posts: 507
Joined: May 2012

So so sorry for your loss. You have been through so much lately, I wish for peace for you and your family.
Sandy

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

What a special guy you had.  I'm so sorry for your loss, but very glad you got to bring him home.  I am sure he felt your loving presence as he passed.  Ann Alexandria

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

my condolences to you and your family

 

michelle

 

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4851
Joined: Jan 2013

No words can express my empathy for you and your family. 

It sounds like it was a battle well fought, but in the end, nature takes its course.

May God bless all of you as your grieve. 

We'll be herer for you in spirit, and of course, we will be here as you and your daughter continue the fight in you daughters arena 

Blessings! SUE

Hard12Find
Posts: 213
Joined: Sep 2012

You and your family have my deepest sympathy. I am so sorry for your loss. He put up a valiant fight, and you can be proud of that.

Jim

Hard12Find
Posts: 213
Joined: Sep 2012

You and your family have my deepest sympathy. I am so sorry for your loss. He put up a valiant fight, and you can be proud of that.

Jim

Varmint5's picture
Varmint5
Posts: 384
Joined: Feb 2012

I am so sorry. Nothing really prepares you for it, but I am amazed at your strength and how well you have handled this situation. Kudos to you and your family for bringing in hospice and bringing Ron home. I had reservations based on my past experiences but it sounds like things went well and I am so thankful that this was the case for your family. I know the next few days will be a blur of activity and then reality will set in. Grief is a roller coaster of emotions. I remember, it just comes in waves. Over time, the peaks aren't so high, the lows aren't so low, but it's painful.

I don't think anybody really understands unless they've been there what it is like to have your husband's medical care and treatment as the focus of your life and then suddenly you don't have that. The loss of your husband is a profound loss compounded by so many smaller losses - even the change in your focus is a loss. It can be overwhelming. This and dealing with your daughter's illness - I hope you will do whatever you need to feel supported through all of this.

I know this board is supportive of you and I hope you stay right here, but you might also think about support specifically for widows - www.widownet.org was a lifesaver for me after Bill died. People know exactly what you are going through because they are right there with you, and you reach out and help each other through it. Maybe it can work for you as well.

I think about you all the time, and Ron and his valiant efforts even with all the other medical problems. I'm glad you had each other for 41 years. That's amazing. I wish comfort and peace for you and JBG, your son and all your family. The story of the card and money is so sweet and special.

Sandy     

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 3099
Joined: Jan 2010

dear karen, i'm so sorry for your loss.  no words can ease the pain but i pray your find in peace in knowing that your ron is no longer suffering.  u were an excellent caregiver and u should find comfort in that.  i pray 4 strength for u and ur family.  may u draw strength from each other.  i'm glad u were able to get him home where he wanted 2 b.  u did everything u could for ron and he knew that.  him knowing that made his journey home a little easier.

God bless you,

dj

Dyanclark's picture
Dyanclark
Posts: 296
Joined: Apr 2012

So sorry. So many years of study and still this cancer beats us down.  

Hugs George & Dyan Cry

osmotar's picture
osmotar
Posts: 1006
Joined: Jul 2011

Karen , 

I'm so sorry to read your post. I know these last several months have been difficult for you and your family , as difficult as your husbands passing is you can or will have comfort that he now at peace and pain free. You are in my thoughts and prayers during the coming days.

Blessings,

Linda  

Joy1216's picture
Joy1216
Posts: 293
Joined: Mar 2006

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

Joy

fisrpotpe's picture
fisrpotpe
Posts: 1349
Joined: Aug 2010

he fought the good fight, now he is in a far better place with no pain and all that is good

sorry for your loss

john 

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

I'm Free

 

 Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me
I took his hand when I heard His call
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work, or play
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I've found that peace at the close of the day.

If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Ah, yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow
My life's been full I savored much
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me
God wanted me now, He set me FREE.

Hugs, Kathi

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4851
Joined: Jan 2013

I will keep this. You just never know when its your turn. I'd like this shared at my funeral.

wawaju04976's picture
wawaju04976
Posts: 316
Joined: Dec 2012

I am so sorry. It sounds like it was peaceful, and he waited until he got home with family around him.

Judy

merrysmom's picture
merrysmom
Posts: 51
Joined: Jun 2011

You are an amazing woman and i am praying for you and your family to get through this.

You have my love and prayers, barb

Deena11
Posts: 196
Joined: Nov 2012

Glad you had time at home with him so he could go peacefully.  I am sure he knew you were there and felt the love you projected.

I will pray for your healing and strength.

Deena

karguy's picture
karguy
Posts: 1024
Joined: Apr 2009

I am so sorry for your loss,that was a very nice card he left you.I wil pray for you,and your family.

LivinginNH's picture
LivinginNH
Posts: 1458
Joined: Apr 2010

 

Dear Wofen/JBG,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your wonderful husband and father.  My heart simply breaks for your both...   May he rest in eternal peace.

Love,

Cynthia

osmotar's picture
osmotar
Posts: 1006
Joined: Jul 2011

Karen,

I'm so sorry to read your post , while we all feel your sorrow in your post and know the journey you have been on ... May you be comforted in the days , weeks , and months to come knowing that your beloved Ron is at peace and no longer in pain. Blessings and prayers for you and your family.

Linda

danker's picture
danker
Posts: 1187
Joined: Apr 2012

"My condolences! I expect to loose my wife of 56 years to alzheimers this year. Aristotle says "Love is a single soul dwelling in two bodies." I suspect

that applies to you and Ron like it does foe me and Josephine.

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1721
Joined: Nov 2001

To you and JBG. Sad as it is at least he had you beside him. Ron.

dmj101's picture
dmj101
Posts: 527
Joined: Nov 2011

Love was always present between you Ron and Johnny.. We love you all and always will.

May you and Johnny find some peace at this difficult time..

All my love to you.... Donna

 

thxmiker's picture
thxmiker
Posts: 1282
Joined: Oct 2010

We are so sorry for the passing of your husband Ron. The card was a lovely way to state his love for you.  We all wish that we can be as successful in our relationshps and marriages. 

 

We are sending our thoughts and prayers.  If there is anything we can do let us know. We are not far away. 

 

Best Always,  mike

HobbsDoggy
Posts: 213
Joined: Feb 2013

I was very moved by your posts and can only offer my deepest sympthy and thoughts.  As time passes may you find peace.

steveandnat's picture
steveandnat
Posts: 887
Joined: Sep 2011

I'm sorry for your loss, if only we all could be together fors'more time. It's peaceful knowing the pain of this adiesel lenses is over for Ron. I pray he rest in peace and you can get some long deserved rest. Jeff

janderson1964
Posts: 2215
Joined: Oct 2011

I am so sorry for your pain.

What a beautiful card.

It sounds cliche but it will get easier over time. I know first hand. I lost my first wife when I was only 34 and I lost my mother just 2 weeks after being diagnosed with cancer.

You are a wonderful selfless person.

Ingrid K's picture
Ingrid K
Posts: 813
Joined: Mar 2011

Dear Karen

My heart is sad for you.  And mad that this disease has taken yet another warrior who gave it his all.

You were a wonderful caregiver and gave Ron a peaceful send-off, which I am sure he wanted.

May your happier memories of your many years together comfort you.

I am sorry for your loss.

Ingrid

 

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

Dear Wolfen,

I am so sorry for your loss and Johnny as well.

hugs,

Pete

AnnLouise's picture
AnnLouise
Posts: 276
Joined: Mar 2013

As I read your last sentence all I could think of was how proud he must have been to be married to you for 41 years, also. I wish we could take some pain and loneliness away. Please know that you have a support system ....~ Ann

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 480
Joined: Oct 2009

Dear Wolfen,  I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.   You loved each other so much.  I am holding you in the Light for comfort.

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