With all the hope, prayers and positive thinking, the news is really bad

Options
missrenee
missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
in Breast Cancer #1
My husband and I went to my med. onc. office yesterday and she gave us the really bad news. Bone scan, CT and MRI all show "abnormalities in T12 and L1 strongly suggestive of bony metastasis" as well as "numerous metastatic foci of the central skeleton including the entire thoracolumbar spine, sacrum and pelvis." My husband, my onc. and I all hugged through many, many tears. She is ordering a PET scan, new HER2 blood tests, bone biopsy and radiation--more chemo may or may not be in the picture depending on test results. So now we are praying for no organ involvement. We left the office in a trans-like state. I got home and just cried and paced around the house about 5 miles or so it seemed. My friends and some family knew we were waiting for test results, so 2 girlfriends called and it was hard to talk between all the tears. Then I had to call my precious 31-year-old only son and daughter-in-law who are expecting my first grandchild in July. No mother wants to make a call like this to her child. It was so hard--but he is amazing, positive and has talked me off the ledge more than once.

Needless to say we are in shock and the fear and anxiety are overwhelming right now. I am absolutely devastated--we really thought this was some type of hairline fracture from the bones weakened.

I've tried so hard to be positive and know that I'm right where I'm supposed to be in God's eyes, but like another poster said in a recent post--staring at the ceiling at 3 a.m. with my head full of worry and despair--it's so hard to believe that I am being held in His arms.

Thank you all for listening. I hate bringing this news to everyone. I do know, however, that you will comfort me with your words of wisdom and encouragement.

Hugs, Renee
«134

Comments

  • aisling8
    aisling8 Member Posts: 1,627 Member
    #2
    Options
    I know
    you are overwhelmed with sorrow and fear and I also know you will walk this path with dignity and grace because that's who you've shown yourself to be on this board. I believe you will hold your grandchild and know great joy.

    I'm sorry your news wasn't better, but I believe in the strength and power of hope and I think you do too.

    Sending everything good I've got.

    xoxo
    Victoria
  • sunnyaz
    sunnyaz Member Posts: 582
    #3
    Options
    Hi Renee
    I am new to the Breast Cancer boards (three time survivor of Thyroid Cancer with Lymph node metastasis). You don't know me but I read your post and wanted to send you my love and prayers. I know it's hard to get this news. You may not feel the love of God right now but believe me, He is with you and your family. Please stay positive and pray for God's help. I know a woman who pulled through cancer with the lowest of odds. In fact she and her husband were already planning her funeral. By a miracle; her cancer is gone and that was more than seven years ago. It was a very aggressive form of Ovarian cancer that had invaded her stomach, many organs and her bones. There is hope, just hang on and fight with everything you have and never give up the fight.
    Keeping you in my prayers,
    Julie-SunnyAZ
  • jamiegww
    jamiegww Member Posts: 384
    #4
    Options
    I'm sending you CYBERHUGS right now!!! I hope the PET scan shows no organ involvement and that the overall picture turns out better than you are seeing it at this time. Thank you for the update and please continue to update us when you can. We are here for you and praying for better news!

    HUGS!!!
    Jamie
  • BetsyJane
    BetsyJane Member Posts: 127
    #5
    Options
    I'm praying for you at this moment
    Renee,

    I am so sorry to hear this news. It wouldn't be right for me to tell you "don't worry, be positive, trust in God". After all, we wouldn't be human if we didn't have these feelings when told news like this. I pray that you will be fine. God is holding you in his loving arms.

    Many prayers being sent your way,

    Betsy
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #6
    Options
    :-(
    Renee I remember that trance like state when my husband and I walked out after hearing it had metastasized to my chest wall and sentinel node and that I was a stage 4 with about a 35 percent chance of survival...that was in 1998 and I am still here to attempt to give you hope! Hang in there girl, yes cry and get all those emotions out as it will help you to grow stronger. I know it most certainly is not what any of us wanted to read but it does not mean you will not be here to see that grandchild, I am pretty sure that you will be! You are strong, a survivor and a fighter, there is a course of treatment which means there is HOPE! I will continue to pray for you for strength to endure the coming tests and treatments and for some peace as this is so unsettling. Cancer seems to be like a nasty chronic illness we have to learn to live with like it or not (NOT) but with treatment you could have many years to enjoy your life and that sweet grand child, when I was told I had a 35% chance of survival I had no grandchildren now I have three! I am rambling, I just want you to know you are loved, prayed for and I am sure the Lord knows your situation and although it may not feel like it he is with you. Sending cyber hugs, prayers and positive thoughts! Time to show the nasty c what you are made of, all the right stuff!!!

    RE
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #7
    Options
    so sorry going through
    so sorry going through this....

    Pixie dust heading your way..

    Denise
  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member
    #8
    Options
    aisling8 said:

    I know
    you are overwhelmed with sorrow and fear and I also know you will walk this path with dignity and grace because that's who you've shown yourself to be on this board. I believe you will hold your grandchild and know great joy.

    I'm sorry your news wasn't better, but I believe in the strength and power of hope and I think you do too.

    Sending everything good I've got.

    xoxo
    Victoria

    I am so sorry Renee that you
    I am so sorry Renee that you got this news. You will be in my prayers!


    Hugs, Noel
  • HootieGirl
    HootieGirl Member Posts: 85
    #9
    Options
    Renee,

    I am so sorry to hear this news. I have had my fair share of experience with bone mets and it is not fun. I am praying so hard that there is no organ involvement. The waiting part is always the worst, but it will pass. So glad you have such a great family support system and I am glad we can be a support system as well. Stay strong--you are an incredible woman. Know that you are always in my prayers.

    Kat
  • Lighthouse_7
    Lighthouse_7 Member Posts: 1,566 Member
    #10
    Options
    disneyfan2008 said:

    so sorry going through
    so sorry going through this....

    Pixie dust heading your way..

    Denise

    Hi Renee,
    I just wanted you
    Hi Renee,
    I just wanted you to know I'm sorry about this and that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are right in that we probably can't say much to console you right now, but just look at all these stories about long term survival from the Kindreds!
    Positive thoughts and love,
    Wanda
  • butterflylvr
    butterflylvr Member Posts: 944
    #11
    Options
    disneyfan2008 said:

    so sorry going through
    so sorry going through this....

    Pixie dust heading your way..

    Denise

    Dearest Renee,
    I wish there was something more that I could do other then offer comforting words or cyber hugs. Damn it, at times like this I hate coming to this board. Seeing those beautiful pink sisters back in the battle and some struggling so hard breaks my heart. When I joined this forum almost a year ago, you amongst others provided me so much strength and comfort in just a few keystrokes. I wish I could provide that magic right back at you at this moment but it isn't that easy now is it?

    Please know that you are such a role model and inspiration to so many of us. Your Onco sounds like a very caring person, well beyond just the doctor/patient relationship. She will fight along with you every step of the way, so until she gives up... you don't give up and the fat lady starts singing... and I ain't singing for quite some time.

    Love you pink sister...♥
    Lorrie
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #12
    Options
    I am putting my arms around you...can you feel them?
    Strong and warm and full of comfort. Just rest your head on my shoulder, dear soul, and take a peaceful moment....

    I am sending my love to you,

    Dutch hugs, Kathi
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #13
    Options
    Lighthouse_7 said:

    Hi Renee,
    I just wanted you
    Hi Renee,
    I just wanted you to know I'm sorry about this and that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are right in that we probably can't say much to console you right now, but just look at all these stories about long term survival from the Kindreds!
    Positive thoughts and love,
    Wanda

    :(
    I wish I could take a magic wand and just make this all go away Renee. I would if I could. My heart just sunk when I read this. I had hoped and prayed that your tests would turn out to be good news.

    I am sending positive thoughts, strength, hope and anything else you need.


    Sue :(
  • Pam5
    Pam5 Member Posts: 232
    #14
    Options
    KathiM said:

    I am putting my arms around you...can you feel them?
    Strong and warm and full of comfort. Just rest your head on my shoulder, dear soul, and take a peaceful moment....

    I am sending my love to you,

    Dutch hugs, Kathi

    Dear Renee
    I, too, am so sorry you got this news. Yes, we're where we're supposed to be and I know God's there but it is hard to find that connection at 3 or 4 am . I will send you love and light and I hope that you can feel all the love around you from your pink sisters as well as from God and the angels.

    Hugs,
    Pam
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #15
    Options
    HootieGirl said:

    Renee,

    I am so sorry to hear this news. I have had my fair share of experience with bone mets and it is not fun. I am praying so hard that there is no organ involvement. The waiting part is always the worst, but it will pass. So glad you have such a great family support system and I am glad we can be a support system as well. Stay strong--you are an incredible woman. Know that you are always in my prayers.

    Kat

    So sorry Renee that this is
    So sorry Renee that this is the news you got. I am praying that your organs will not be involved and you get your pink boxing gloves on and fight, fight, fight!

    We will fight with you, for you!


    Praying,

    Diane
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #16
    Options
    jamiegww said:

    I'm sending you CYBERHUGS right now!!! I hope the PET scan shows no organ involvement and that the overall picture turns out better than you are seeing it at this time. Thank you for the update and please continue to update us when you can. We are here for you and praying for better news!

    HUGS!!!
    Jamie

    Praying that your PET scan
    Praying that your PET scan will be clean Renee. I am sending lots of cyber hugs to you and support.


    I had prayed for better news for you...I am so very sorry.



    Hugs, Jan
  • Frankie Shannon
    Frankie Shannon Member Posts: 457
    #17
    Options
    I don't know what to say my
    I don't know what to say my arms are around you with a big hug i'm so glad you have your son to lift you up god bless for our children.Strength,courage and love.Hugs Frankie
  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #18
    Options
    Emotional See Saw
    Dear Renee,

    You have a few hurdles to go (PET & Biopsy) but, the results don't look promising. I am very sorry that you have to go through this again. Remember it is doable, it is just that no one really want to ever do this again, once is enough.

    I know what an emotional see saw you are on, I have been there many times. First the shock and then the fact that you don't want to do this again. Then will come the words, "ok, what is the game plan, let's get this under control". You will!

    You will find the positive again. You need to focus the joy you will have with the birth of your precious grandchild in July. Having something pleasurable to look forward to in all the misery does help.

    I truly had hope that the news would be fracture. When you didn't post, I knew and can't tell you how sorry I do feel for you. Bone mets are painful, ask for a Fentalyn patch. It is a steady flow of medication which in my opinion better than pills. The only problem one has to change it every 3 days. If you forget, your body sends a reminder.

    Wishing you the best on a journey no one want to even begin,

    Doris
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #19
    Options
    Pam5 said:

    Dear Renee
    I, too, am so sorry you got this news. Yes, we're where we're supposed to be and I know God's there but it is hard to find that connection at 3 or 4 am . I will send you love and light and I hope that you can feel all the love around you from your pink sisters as well as from God and the angels.

    Hugs,
    Pam

    and your family. I am sorry .. I am confused, and angry. Tears of disappointment
    continue to stream down my face.

    You are a pillar of strength for many here on our board. Please allow us to circle
    the wagon's .. and support and comfort you, Renee. Please also note, that I have
    several machine guns and amno in tow.

    You have a strong support system at home with your adoring - loving husband, Son,
    wonderful and pregnant daughter in law .. so much love, so much hope.

    I have no words of comfort, no words of wisdom -- just disdain for breast cancer --.

    I am horrified by the BEAST, and it's ugly, nasty ways. I ask our Heavenly Father ..
    when will the beast cease to live amongst us mortals? Will the beast ever cooperate,
    and return to 'hell' where it belongs?

    Hope ... there is always hope.

    Much love, Vicki Sam
  • AMomNETN
    AMomNETN Member Posts: 242
    #20
    Options
    Hugs
    {{{Renee}}}} I'm so sorry the news wasn't better. I'll keep all of you in my prayers.


    Janie
  • Texasgirl10
    Texasgirl10 Member Posts: 668
    #21
    Options
    AMomNETN said:

    Hugs
    {{{Renee}}}} I'm so sorry the news wasn't better. I'll keep all of you in my prayers.


    Janie

    I am sitting here speechless with tears rolling down my face. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know that there are no words that will make you feel better, but please know that your pink sisters & brothers will be with you every step of the way. My prayers are with you and your family.

    Hugs ,

    Dawne

Discussion Boards