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Mom stopping treatment

LouDy22
LouDy22 Member Posts: 25

So I got the text today from my father about how mom wanted to talk to us , deep down in my heart I knew what it was about , today has been the hardest and saddest day in my 36 years of life ..... even worst from the day the dr said " your mother has a very rare and aggre cancers called Carcinosarcoma which carries poor prognosis " anyways to make a long story short I watched mom deteriorate in just under 2 months , 2 months ago we were riding bikes and playing tennis until one day mom said she just needed a day to rest .... 1 day turned into 2 days and 2 days turned into a week and a week turned into weeks , she now probably weighs 90 pounds from 145 pounds and has nephrostomy tubes because her tumor is so large that her bladder and stomach are literally squished , she cannot get comfortable and is in constant pain , she don't eat or drink , mom has unfortunately decided to stop all treatment and enter hospice care , I don't know how to describe my feelings but it's almost as if time is just standing still and I am completely numb with an entire feeling of pins and needles like you get when your foot falls asleep , mom fought hard and is a true warrior 

Comments

  • oldbeauty
    oldbeauty Member Posts: 319 **
    Lou, I'm so terribly sorry this day has come

    You've been such a loving, supportive son, diligently searching for something that would stop/slow this beast.  My condolences to you and your family as you face this transition to end of life care.  May you mother go peacefully in the knowledge that she is loved and supported to the end.  Best wishes, Oldbeauty

  • BluebirdOne
    BluebirdOne Member Posts: 475 **
    This is sad news.

    I echo what Old Beauty has to say, and hope your family can find peace. Your mother must be a remarkable woman to have raised such a wonderful son. 

    Denise 

  • cmb
    cmb Member Posts: 751 **
    Sad to hear

    Lou,

    I, too, am so sorry that despite all the treatments your mother tried, the outcome was not what she and the rest of your family had hoped. How fortunate it was that you had moved to be closer to her just before her diagnosis so that you could be there for her during this time. And I'm glad that despite her treatments, she had many good days that you could enjoy each other's company.

    I hope that your mother's remaining time is pain-free and shared with her loved ones. You have been a blessing to her during this whole period.

  • Maxster
    Maxster Member Posts: 93 **
    Such hard news

    Lou, I am sorry to lean of this.  You have been a wonderful support to your mother and that is a gift that is immeasurable. I hope she can be painfree now and enjoy some time with you.

  • Harmanygroves
    Harmanygroves Member Posts: 296 **
    edited September 5 #6
    You're a Wonderful Son

    Your mom must love you so much. I'm sure you will do everything in her very best interests. Sending love. I'm in Oregon, if you're nearby and need help.

    All the best to you and your mom and family as you accompany your mom. 

     

  • MAbound
    MAbound Member Posts: 1,156 **
    edited September 5 #7
    ((Hugs))

    While I haven't commented on any of your posts because I didn't have anything constructive to offer, I have been following your story and am deeply saddened that it ends like this. It's a special kind of pain that stays with you when you lose your mother, but I hope recognizing the comfort you've given her as she has gone through this helps you to get through the days ahead and down the road. Blessings on you for being such a caring and supportive son.

  • LouDy22
    LouDy22 Member Posts: 25
    Thank you all

    Thank you all for the kind words and you have all been a great support system , I have learned so much from all you special ladies , it's still so surreal I mean 59 she's only 59 ! She always said she would make 93 , and I guess since our journey is coming to an end I have to tell you all my name is Billy not Lou lol but I never minded out last name is Loud 

  • Harmanygroves
    Harmanygroves Member Posts: 296 **
    edited September 5 #9
    LouDy22 said:

    Thank you all

    Thank you all for the kind words and you have all been a great support system , I have learned so much from all you special ladies , it's still so surreal I mean 59 she's only 59 ! She always said she would make 93 , and I guess since our journey is coming to an end I have to tell you all my name is Billy not Lou lol but I never minded out last name is Loud 

    So young

    Billy, it's been such a sad but sweet thing to have you here with us. We're not going anywhere. We're going to stay with you as long as you want to stay with us. Wishing you the very, very best.

    Love,

    Deb #2

  • Kathy G.
    Kathy G. Member Posts: 235 **
    edited September 5 #10
    Billy, I too have followed

    Billy, I too have followed your posts about your mom. Your love and dedication to her shine through every word! She is truly blessed that you were concerned enough to seek out every resource to help her...including coming on this predominantly female board to ask for guidance!

    It sounds as if your mom is at peace with her decision. That is a good thing. I agree with what has been said about losing a mom...it is so very heartwrenching!

    I will say you are blessed to know things are coming to an end as you can spend this special time together doing and saying what needs to be done and said. That is such a gift in the midst of so many emotions.

    I treasure those last days with my mom...she was totally aware...and her last words to us were she loved us children very much! I carry those words in my heart and remember them when I am missing her on a bad day. We had closure bc we knew in advance she was in the process of leaving...

    I wish the same for your parents, you and any siblings.

    Kathy

  • BluebirdOne
    BluebirdOne Member Posts: 475 **
    Absolutely, our support does not end

    and is not conditional. We are here to support you and your family as you all go through this. 

    xxoo

    Denise 

  • TeddyandBears_Mom
    TeddyandBears_Mom Member Posts: 1,801 **
    Billy, thanks so much for

    Billy, thanks so much for letting us know what is going on with your Mom. So sorry to hear this. She is in great hands with Hospice. And, so is your Dad. You will find a lot of support with them for your Mom and your family. I hope you can find peace in knowing that your Mom is going out on her terms. You have been a wonderful Son and I think Kathy G. gave you the best insight. Take care of yourself and please come back to us for anything!

    Love and Hugs,

    Cindi

  • LouDy22
    LouDy22 Member Posts: 25
    edited September 6 #13
    Love you all

    Thank you so much for the support everybody my family and I really appreciate it 

  • Lyn70
    Lyn70 Member Posts: 64
    We are Here

    Billy,

    May you and your wonderful Mom and Dad have moments of clarity, sharing love, comfort and peace in these days ahead. She is blessed to have you and you her. BIG HUG thru tears. 

  • Afoste3
    Afoste3 Member Posts: 28 **
    so sorry to hear this

    Hi Billy,

    I've been following your mom's story and had been hoping for a better outcome like everyone else.  I think that's one of the hardest parts of a cancer diagnosis--outcomes are so different and sometimes treatment just doesn't work like you wish it would.  I think your mom is very brave and wise to know when to stop treatment.  I've had friends whose parents moved to hospice and it actually improved their quality of life quite a lot and gave the chance for good days before they died.  I hope that's the same for your mom.  You are a wonderful son and should feel peace knowing you did all you could to help your mom through this process.

    Anne-Marie

  • NoTimeForCancer
    NoTimeForCancer Member Posts: 2,928 **
    Billy, I am so sorry to hear

    Billy, I am so sorry to hear everything your mother is experiencing and everything your family is going through.  You are correct there are no words to describe your feelings or any of it for that matter.  My prayers are for her comfort and the entire family.  Hugs.

  • ConnieSW
    ConnieSW Member Posts: 1,578 **
    Dear Billy,

    I hope that hospice has been able to succeed in making your mom comfortable so you can continue to make memories to treasure in this last bit of time you have together. 

  • jan9wils
    jan9wils Member Posts: 172
    edited September 14 #18
    Dear Billy,

    What a source of comfort you are to your mother and father during this most difficult time. I hope you find some comfort too.

    Jan