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Dealing with anxiety

misterace
Posts: 31
Joined: Jun 2020

Hi All,

 

It has been a while since I have posted. 

 

Quick recap about me:

33 at time of diagnoses (6/2020)

7/15/2020 - 4.5cm Clear Cell tumor removed via partial nephrecomy. Clear margins. Stage 1b, Grade 3, no sarcomadtoid features. 

11/2020 - 1st scan, NED (Abdominal MRI, Chest CT)

3/2021 - 2nd scan, NED (Abdominal MRI, Chest CT)

 

My 3rd scan is coming up this week. so I'm sure that my anxiety is a little "extra" with it on the horizon. However, it's generally been a roller coaster of anxiety for me since diagnosis. I begin to fear that every little ache and pain I have is some kind of recurrance, and that maybe there's a spread in an area they have not scanned (Bone, brain, etc). Eventualy the ache will ago away, and I'll forget about it, but then the cycle starts all over again with some other body part. Being cognizant of the fact that it was nothing before, and it was probably nothing now, does nothing - all logic goes right out the window. 

I didn't used to be like this. I feel like this is probably the one thing being diagnosed with kidney cancer has robbed from me, is my "carefree" attitude about certain things. A year or so ago, I would never think that a headache, or sinus pain could possibly be a brain tumor. Now, the thought is always in the back of my mind.

Can you relate? If so, what methods of coping do you find helpful?

 

Biner
Posts: 103
Joined: Apr 2020

How i understand you,i have sacan in 18 august,month ago started belly pains and it lasted for about 2 weeks, then the headaches started, not severe, and not constantly, but every time I think that it must be metastases to the brain. Or to the liver or I have another cancer, this all very much affects the quality of life. Sometimes I think it's better to die than live like this. I am still 42 years old and I simply cannot imagine such torment for several more years. Cancer really kills emotional life. May God grant us all peace of mind.

AliceB1950's picture
AliceB1950
Posts: 125
Joined: Jun 2019

Stage one of any grade is very, very unlikely to metastasize.  Don't let unfounded fear s steal your life, that's like having mental cancer eating away at you. My kidney cancer was 7cm, grade 4, removed September 2018, and my doctor just switched me to yearly scans because I don't need such frequent following anymore. I've also had stage 1 endometrial cancer, treated just by surgery, and stage 1 breast cancer, surgery plus radiation. No recurrences or spread on any. I look at scans as preventive maintenance; if a problem would appear, it can get caught and dealt with early.

This was meant to be a direct answer to OP; this site has dreadful reply nesting issues.

Mmoses25's picture
Mmoses25
Posts: 151
Joined: May 2020

I have stage 3 grade 3 and have been clear every scan for a year and a half I don't think you need to worry it's normal to feel aches and pain before a scan then after you have your scans there gone the mind is a powerful thing just try and relax I think you will do great 

Bay Area Guy's picture
Bay Area Guy
Posts: 518
Joined: Jun 2016

I'm 5 years out from my surgery.  My last scan was a year ago and, with the all clear, I was referred to a survivorship program.  My first appointment is in December.  Scanxiety is very real.  I had it for the two years I was on active surveillance and the four years following surgery.  Don't let it control is, of course, easier said than done.  I walk a lot, and that helped, as did listening to music.  I'm an old fart, so I'm guessing we would have vastly different tastes in music.  But it helped a lot.  I also read a lot.  Pretty much anything and everything to distract myself from the daily aches and pains of life and the upcoming scans.

Amazingly enough, after your scans turn up NED, those aches and pains will magically disappear.

eug91's picture
eug91
Posts: 332
Joined: Jan 2019

You're not alone - we all go through the worry before our scans. You're going to do great. 

In the words of the great foxhd-

"We all fear recurrence

Don't let it be the anchor that sinks your ship. Know that you have dodged  a bullet. Smile, love, and live on!!!! Just stay up to date with all your appointments."

 

misterace
Posts: 31
Joined: Jun 2020

Thank you for these kinds and encouraging words. 

I have my chest CT tomorrow and my Abdominal MRI on Friday. 

Trying to stay strong and not let the "beast" of anxiety win. Your words are so helpful <3

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