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Maybe I'm finally losing it

worriedson714's picture
Posts: 253
Joined: Dec 2019

               I'm starting to think I'm losing it thoughts of waiting to long for appointments how final " lifelong chemo" is what " lifelong chemo " really means for my dad are literally all I think about . I know " lifelong chemo " means my dad will die of this disease and the thought literally makes me feel sick . The fact I can't do nothing about it makes me even more sick . I just want to enjoy the time I have left with my dad but I can't escape these thoughts I try to be strong for my dad to not make things worse but I don't think thats working . I just wish I knew if " lifelong chemo " meant my dad was going to die soon or what but I know no one can answer that . Hope is a hard thing to hold onto and the days only seem to get darker . 

           Enough whining reason I am posting does anyone know if the american cancer society has any resources to help me out ? I need to shake this my dad needs me but I just feel like all the fear and anger has finally built up to much .

NewHere's picture
Posts: 1332
Joined: Feb 2015

The Amercian Cancer Scoeity has many resources.  Your local medicial facility has (or should have) patient advocates/services AND also services available for family members.  

Google local support groups for patients and their families.  

We are all here to help.  But it is also probably worthwhile for you to have access to support in real life.  Even email the mods here through the contact form.  

What you are feeling is normal.  If there is anyway you can temper those thoughts and put them aside, it will be better for you and your Dad.  I am not saying they will not poke through now and again, but try not to let them get to you too much.  You may even want to try some bresthing exercises/yoga when your mind races with this.  Sit down, close your eyes, breath gently through your nose and out pursed lips.  Very often a couple of minutes will help calm things down. 

Please post back on if you are able to access the support/services.  If not, all of us can try to come up with different ideas on getting you what you need in terms of resources for you and your Dad.


SandiaBuddy's picture
Posts: 1172
Joined: Apr 2017

Your post is a bit worrisome for me.  Your dedication to your father is impressive, but it is essential that you also live your own life as well.  At risk of sounding insensitive, most everyone on this forum has faced mortality directly, and most of us have lost our parents.  That is part of life.  People with stage 4 cancer diagnoses can live for years.  If you read some of the recent posts, you can see how some members are coping--often for much longer than the doctors thought possible.  Your father may well do the same.  If you have excess energy, you could look at some of the ways to help him do that.  But all of us are mortal.  That is the human condition.  You mention looking for resources from the American Cancer Society, and that is a good idea.  But also consider doing some reading, I just mentioned in another post a book I like, "You Are Here".  It might be a calming read.  Plus, take some time to get out and get some exercise, to see the sky, to see the children playing and to appreciate nature.  There is life outside of the world of cancer, don't neglect to visit it.  Good luck with all these challenges.

SnapDragon2's picture
Posts: 516
Joined: Nov 2019

When I was going thru treatment my friends and I would work puzzles when we got together, play cards, movie night, ect.  We even put a model car together that one friend found at a yard sale, that was fun!  It helps to have things to do that takes your mind away from the cancer world.

flutemon's picture
Posts: 40
Joined: Jan 2019

Lifelong chemo sounds rough, but just think of it more like treating a chronic condition.  I have high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes that are chronic conditions. I will always be on medications to treat them.  I have stage 4 colon cancer that has been treated with surgery and meds (Chemo, etc.) My oncologist first talked of cure 3 years ago, but because of recurrance (3 times) we now talk control. I go for infusion every 3 weeks and the rest of the time I live my life! I'm the child care provider for my 3 grandsons - 8, 4, and 2 years old. Life is good!  I can't live in fear or worrying about "what-if." LIVE!  And who knows - a cure could come along any time.

darcher's picture
Posts: 298
Joined: Jun 2017

For as much as your worried your dad needs you now more than ever. It's time to step up to the challenge and be there for him. Feeling powerless is normal when it's something you can't do anything about on your own. Use what you can as advised by the others. Reach out to the local hospitals, care centers, etc. One of them will have something that will create a positive impact. Folding now is not an option.

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