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Hawaii Trip, Holiday Wishes & Thoughts...

mojogirl67
Posts: 308
Joined: Oct 2018

Happy Tuesday guys!! I avoid any reminders tied to cancer as much as I can but I can never ignore the warmth and support found on this forum. Once touched by the big "C", I think all, including caregivers, family, etc are all connected and changed in different ways. Most here know I am Stage IV-diagnosed 2 years after losing my husband to the exact same diagnosis. I went thru colon and liver resections simultaneously and did the chemo run as well. I hoped and prayed I had beat the devil but was told at the beginning of this year that I had several tumors scattered thru both lungs. I am also KRAS positive which makes me resistant to most chemos and immunotherapies as well. That was neither here nor there for me because I decided I would never touch chemo again. I was totally against it from the start of my own diagnosis but they would not perform surgery for the two liver tumors I carried unless I attempted chemo to shrink them first. I did the chemo and it only reinforced what I had come to learn going thru it with my husband and then myself as well. Everyone has to make their own choices for treatment. Every single human body is different based on so many things...genetics, social factors/choices, diet, lifestyle...etc. We all respond differently. And that is all OK. My first oncologist flipped a switch when I chose no more chemo. Thank the powers that be for my second and present oncologist. We talked about reality and options. He laughed with me, he cried with me and he was truly present and listened. He was honest even when it was not pretty. While no one knows the mortality of another, statistics gave me 1-3 years even with treatment of any sort. The side effects of the chemos and other treatments affected my mental, physical and spiritual being in ways that held NO benefit for me. so I absolutely refused to go down that road. As of right now, I have had no symptoms or pain of any kind. I am hiking, kayaking, traveling and living the best life I can. I have said many times that initially all I could see was what cancer took and did TO me. Love and light are very powerful words to me. They have guided me thru the worst parts of my cancer journey, both with my husband and myself. I pray for those two things for all who find themselves here. 

I wanted to talk about something that has been in the back of my thoughts. I am a realist even tho' I am a dreamer and will always have faith and hope down to til' the end....miracles happen everyday. My oncologist gave me his opinion based on my case and statistics...1-3 years. I recently took a trip to Hawaii (oahu). Incredible beauty...oceans and mountains with 80 degrees all year..what's not to love?!? My oldest daughter and her best friend have put in for reassignment with their jobs and are moving there. Hawaii has what I call "Die With Dignity" laws in place. That really made me think about some things I had pushed to the back of my thoughts. As an advocate of no chemo, I also do not want to linger as my body shuts down from the spread and effects of my cancer if that comes to be. I have chosen to move there and I am in the process of doing that now. My home is listed and as soon as it sells, I am moving. I guess what I am saying is that so many find themselves at crossroads on this journey with everybody whispering in their ear on what to do. Choose what is right for you and gives you peace. There is NO wrong choice when it comes to your life and your battle with cancer. Educate YOURSELF and be your own advocate if possible. If you are at point where your mental and physical state is compromised not to do that, try to have someone you trust helping you make choices. None of this is easy but you are not alone and I can guarantee that none of your thoughts, no matter how scary or crazy you think they might be, are not thoughts that one of us here have not had. Reach out and someone will always be here. This board and it's members have so much strength and a bond that will lift you over the toughest times...reach out and know you are not alone. 

Can anyone say "Hula"..lol....I had an amazing time in Hawaii. I am posting a pic or two. My best friend as well as my oldest daugher and her best friend made this an unforgettable trip. Wishing all of you the Happiest of Holidays full of Love and Light to carry into the New Year!!  Biggest Of Hugs!!...Mojo

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5426
Joined: Jan 2013

super happy emoticon This is me, reading your post.

Have at it, my friend.  I will all come and visit. 

Tru

mojogirl67
Posts: 308
Joined: Oct 2018

Thank you my friend...Just know I have a spot reserved for you next to me under the palm trees so we can talk about this crazy ride called "LIFE"!!...lol Hugs your way!!

Tueffel's picture
Tueffel
Posts: 259
Joined: Feb 2020

Hello,

These pictures are really beautiful. You look really happy. I wish I could ever go to Hawaii. 

I want to talk about your decision. My dad has kind of the same: stage 4, got operated and has KRAS too so chemo is still the only option. I hope we will be done with it but considering that your case is quite similar I do find your decision really important. Even though I might have another opinion on it we should respect other peoples wishes. 

But I hope you wont need it for a very long time! 

mojogirl67
Posts: 308
Joined: Oct 2018

I know it must be hard to battle between wanting to do as your father might wish, keeping him with you at all cost, and making peace with all of it in one. There are no easy choices for anyone in the circle,but I think the cancer patient should always have the ultimate say and that as long as they are of sound mind, all should be done to respect their wishes. My husband's decision to have a feeding tube placed when against what I wanted for him but I kept silent and we battled on. My heart was breaking but it wasn't my choice to make. As far as my Kras mutation, trials and immunotherapy offered very little in terms of comfort or time for me so I chose to live my life on my terms. I do some alternative supplements, exercise, and try to feed my body good things. I keep negativity out of my life and enjoy every moment that comes. The rest will unfold as it should. Thank you for wishing I don't need treatment for a long time. I can assure I will never have traditional treatment again but I respect the wishes of those who choose it. We all have unique journeys and stories. Love and respect for all of those is the key. I wish you peace in all of the decisions on the journey with your father thru this. Hugs, M

Tueffel's picture
Tueffel
Posts: 259
Joined: Feb 2020

I am not only the child, I am also a med student so the decision would be hard. But and this is the important thing we are all positive, hopeful that we will make it together and my dad never has to worry about that again in his life. It looks good for now and I pray that my dad never has a recurrence. He can never have it because he wants grandchildren... I am not near this milestone and who knows what my sister plans. 

I believe this decision will be always hard. I hope your family and friends are there for you. And please send more pictures of Hawaii and update us! ;) It is just grey here in Germany 

worriedson714's picture
worriedson714
Posts: 257
Joined: Dec 2019

My dad recently found out he might be stage 4 biospy dec 7 and he has already had chemo radiation 2 surgeries that didn't get it all . They have already been talking about more radiation and I assume more chemo since they know he at least has some left . He also has a colosmoy bag and urosromy bag already and it wears and tears on him everyday . I see his mind and body just wear down .The chemo and raidation he had didn't even work before makes me think maybe the treatment is harming to much all he has been threw and he still has it . 

I cry at the thought of him not doing treatment and losing him it hurts to even think about . But sometimes I think the treatment is doing more harm then good idk what I am trying to say your post gives me so much to think about  . The pictures look amazing so jealous enjoy hawaii you deserve it .

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 1172
Joined: Apr 2017

Mojo, thanks for updating us and best of luck with the move--it sounds like the right thing for you!  Having a state with a good "final exit" option is something that sometimes keeps me up at night, and something that likely people on this forum are more familiar with than the general public.  I wish you all the best of luck and that you find every ounce of good in life.

mojogirl67
Posts: 308
Joined: Oct 2018

Hope you are hiking until your heart is content my friend. Thank you for the uplift. I will say this...I much prefer "next part of the adventure" to "final exit"..lol. Hugs your way...M

SnapDragon2's picture
SnapDragon2
Posts: 516
Joined: Nov 2019

I love you have taken LIFE on the way you feel it should be.  Much much respect!!!  I also refuse any more harsh chemo after folfox failed.  Any of the others just don't appeal to me after that go around.  I am just on xeloda and celebrex now, the ADAPT protocol + lots of supplements as maintenance hoping not to recur. 

One thing I will mention is a drug, NOT CHEMO, that has been found effective to stop progression or recurrances for many cancer patients.  Its called Tetrathiomolybdate.  Made by a compounding pharm tailored dosed just for you.  

Research it and maybe talk to your onc about it.  

mojogirl67
Posts: 308
Joined: Oct 2018

Thank you for such sweet note. Thank you for the info on the supplement. When I chose no more chemo, I also said no to anymore scans, tests, bloodwork or checkups unless something arose that I could not handle on my own. Freeing myself from the hamster wheel of the medical arena was an unbelievable weight lifted and I don't remain in fear and anxiety of the "next test or appointment"....I realize others have health concerns who can't follow that path. I did what worked for ME and chose to control what went in an out of my body and what was done to it. I continue to explore alternative treatments and supplement with many natural supplements daily as well as diet and exercise. I try to balance that with as less stress as possibe and as much normalcy as possible as well. Life is a gift but it comes with lessons and hardships for all of us...some more than others. We all do the best we can even with this $%#@ thing called cancer in our lives. I think we all have to find what gives us peace at the end of the day...that peace where you can exhale and feel the weight lifted. I give respect to all who do that even if their choice is different from mine. Our days are numbered from the first breath we take. Cancer did one great thing..it taught me not to fear that. There are so many regimes, supplements  and continuous trial and error studies out there. You know your body better than anyone else and have to choose what works for you . For every 10 studies and trials you finding preaching the benefits of one thing for cancer, you find 10 more telling you that it will kill you!!!!!!  We are all as individual as snowflakes...but, we all fall and melt at some point the same. I pray that all enjoy that sweet season called "LIFE" for as long as they can and in the best way that brings joy and peace. Happy Holidays and Hugs your way!!...M

AnneO1965's picture
AnneO1965
Posts: 179
Joined: May 2019

Your post is exactly what I needed to hear! I'm battling with scanxiety right now. I go in next week for scan to see if the blip on my lungs is anything, and I'm a little freaked out. I will NOT do chemo again. So it's good to hear from you. You've decided your route and you are at peace with it. I love that. Enjoy Hawaii, wish I was coming with you! Pinch a cabana boy for me.

 

mojogirl67
Posts: 308
Joined: Oct 2018

Hey lady...you take a deept breath and just remember, "every little thing is going to be alrigh"....regardless. You've got this no matter what comes!! You know my thoughts on the chemo route so if you ever need to vent or talk, reach out.  Cabana boys make me tired just thinking about them at my age...give me a cocktail and a beautiful sunset on my own...lol...Hugs, M

myAZmountain
Posts: 399
Joined: Apr 2018

You look positively radiant and so happy. My daughter moved to Honolulu last summer and loves it ....are you heading to Oahu or another island?  We are headed there in the Spring for a visit ourselves. Are you getting any regular scans now?   It is a wonderful thing to live life on your own terms .....hoping you enjoy many years of Hawaiian life.

mojogirl67
Posts: 308
Joined: Oct 2018

You are so sweet! Thank you!! I love it there...especially the North Shore. I am hoping to find something on that end. Please reach out before your trip and maybe we can each say hello to kindred spirits!! Happy Thanksgiving!!...hugs, M

myAZmountain
Posts: 399
Joined: Apr 2018

Has become my girlies favorite place, seems to still have some reasonable real estate , just know you will find your "Place in the Sun" there! Will definitely get in touch before we head there! Hope you have a wonderful Christmas full of peac and love and joy.

Bellesouth
Posts: 27
Joined: Feb 2017

You look so happy, and I am happy for you! I believe that inner peace goes a long way- peace of mind, peace in your heart, and peace with your decisions. I applaud you for that. Godspeed, my Sweet Southern Sista! Check in from time to time, sharing stories and photos of your adventures so I can live vicariously thru you. One question: do they have sweet tea, Moon Pies and grits in Hawaii??? Aloha, and cheers! XOXO

feckcancer
Posts: 142
Joined: Jun 2018

Beautiful photos. You look happy & healthy. Thank you for sharing .

I love that you had a fantastic holiday & can move to Hawaii. Enjoy Cool

beaumontdave's picture
beaumontdave
Posts: 1135
Joined: Aug 2013

It's great to see hear how your trip went, and see your smiling face, M, you look radiant. Hawaii's a beautiful place, and weather you don't have to have extra clothes just to be in, would suit me fine, lol. I haven't thought about the ''Right to Choose'' factor but that's a smart choice to make. Cali has it now, but I'd already made plans for Cindy and I that didn't require anyone's damn permission. Didn't need it for Cindy, and I'm good at the present. The thing is, anyone could go unconcious and wake in a situation where control and even my/their schemes were out of one's control. So having a state with a procedure is a wise decision, and one with the scenery of Oahu is as good as it gets. I'm reall happy for you and that your daughter is coming along as well. It's always a good idea to have some family near by, and when she's your best friend, so much the better. As always, you sound very much in charge of a life that at this point would leave many wallowing and lost. I look forward to more pix and threads when you get settled, after all your not way across the country now, your just the next state over, lol......................................................................Dave

Allidoisyoga's picture
Allidoisyoga
Posts: 39
Joined: Apr 2020

This is such a beautiful post.  Thank you for reminding us that we ultimately have the final decision on our treatment plan.  

Sending love and light friend. 

Real Tar Heel
Posts: 207
Joined: Nov 2019

Hawaii is great. I was there several years ago, we'd love to return some day. Thanks for the post.

Kazenmax's picture
Kazenmax
Posts: 449
Joined: Feb 2016

Enjoy whatever you have! Keep in touch. Sending love which is hard to do because I'm so jelly that you are in Hawaii! Lol

k

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