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My mother and anger

Scraps32fb
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2020

My mother is battling colon cancer. She is going thru her second round of chemo after being in remission. I have moved back into my parents home during the week to help them out. I am 45 years old. Her anger is not easy to deal with. She is constantly screaming at me for nothing. Saying mean, hurtful things. I try to dismiss these said things and not take them personally. But I'm about ready to give up. It is weighing on my own mental state. I gave up my job to care for her. But I don't know how much more I can handle.

Real Tar Heel
Posts: 113
Joined: Nov 2019

Some people lash out, some withdraw. Anger from a loved one, especially when you believe you're trying to help, is not easy. You can try talking to her about the things she is saying, and you can also try taking a step back from being a constant caregiver for a bit. See if perhaps not having you as a support system changes the tune.

NewHere's picture
NewHere
Posts: 1205
Joined: Feb 2015

My Dad had health issues (not cancer) where the treatments really altered him.  To the point of having to call police and 911.  It is not easy to hear, no matter how much one knows it is the situation and stress of cancer.

The chemo itself can alter people also.  I am definately different when on it.  And it builds up over time.  Right now I am on Lonsurf (my third diffrent chemo).  During the days I am taking the pills I change.  I know I am snappy and quick to get ticked off about absolutely nothing. My wifee tells me I get mean.  Which is not me.  At all.   Sometimes I get a weird feeling, kind fo hard to describe, and I find if I get a nap I am okay an hour later.  

As Reel Tar Heel mentioned - something to look into is to see if you can find some local help.  Perhaps the local American Cancer Soceity has some help.  People who volunteer.  If you are able to step away just a little bit now and again, that may help you.  Covid has made everything tougher.  But going out for a coffee or sandwhich or a walk and getting some you time, knowing you Mom is being taken care of, can help.  

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6550
Joined: Feb 2009

Being a caregiver is sometimes harder than being the patient.  The patient sometimes often lashes out at the ones they love.  They don't want to, or even mean to, it just is part of the whole process.  It might be a good suggestion to ask your mother if you can get her into some therapy.  It might help her a great deal and a lot of the hospitals offer free classes just for dealing with this situation.  Check around in your area and see if there are support groups.  Wishing you and your mother well.

Kim

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