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Hmm, maybe a strange question...

Real Tar Heel
Posts: 207
Joined: Nov 2019

Hi all,

I'm wondering if anyone else thinks about this (I guess this is a stage IV question but maybe for anyone). I'm doing some online shopping for the kids and thinking about the holidays, etc. I see something I might think I would like, like a new pair of jeans. I start to think, am I gonna really need this? Would I be around to need new shoes? Shouldn't I make due and spend the money on others? Of course, there is the voice who says, "Why not? After what you've been through, buy whatever you want."

Star Trek fans will recognize the next voice, "That is highly illogical."

This may be a broader question, a philosophical one that we often see in newbie posts; which is, how do we go on day to day. Do we prepare to die or prepare to live? Is denying yourself the new denim "preparing to die?" Is buying a new tracksuit irrational?

Do you all balance? You have it down pat? I'm sure you lot do! Laughing

Tom M.
Posts: 174
Joined: May 2019

We all really start towards our death day the day we are born. We all make it by enjoying life. None of us planned to get cancer, I know I didn't. Well I have it and I plan to dig my heels in and do my best. I lost a 19 yo son just over 2 years ago so that alone makes me fear nothing. I will fight hard everyday for my other children and grandchildren. We all have something in common here, drive and guts. There is nothing to be affarid of. All of us are winners.

Tom M.
Posts: 174
Joined: May 2019

Buy the jeans. Get a new pair of shoes too.

Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5426
Joined: Jan 2013

As a Stage IV, I definitely did that.  It also depended on what it was and how expensive. I remember finding a lovely little ring - I do like rings, and then thinking 'I'll buy it if my next scan is clear'. Of course by then, I didn't want it. 

As for clothes, heck, I've been doing that for decades. Will I need these jeans next month when I weigh 10 lbs less?  Of course I was never 10 lbs less, so I should have just gone ahead and purchased them. 

So, buy the jeans, buy the shoes - if all goes south, have them bury you in them, and you can wear them for eternity.  

But, it's not going to 'all go south'.  You too can be like me, NED and beating the odds.  So go ahead any buy things for yourself. You deserve it. 


Posts: 142
Joined: Jun 2018

when i got told i had cancer the first thought that flashed through my mind was 'but i haven't had my happily ever after yet' followed by memories of things i hadn't done.

what a wake up call. from then on for me restoftheworld rules didn't count.

Buy the jeans, buy the shoes, buy the earrings buy & do everything that makes you happy. you deserve it. plus who knows how long we have anyway

Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6694
Joined: Feb 2009

Live for today and buy those jeans.  No one knows when their time on this earth will be the last day, so try to enjoy the day you have today and look forward to putting on the new jeans and plan ahead.  You will feel better about yourself if you buy something you want. Don't ever be afraid to look to the future because it might be a very bright one and you surely don't want to miss out.  I'm sure you will look fabulous with the new shoes to go along with it, heck throw in a shirt and jacket at the same time Wink.


PamRav's picture
Posts: 306
Joined: Jan 2017

The winter following my diagnosis I remember debating whether it would be worth it to buy a new winter coat, after all I'd probably only get one seasons use out of it.  The coat I utilimately purchased was not the one I really, really wanted.  So here I am 3 years later wearing a coat I dont really like.  My advice buy was whatever your pocketbook and heart desires. Whatever we eventually leave behind can caertainly be donated and put to good use.

Real Tar Heel
Posts: 207
Joined: Nov 2019

Thanks, somethings to think about

SandiaBuddy's picture
Posts: 1172
Joined: Apr 2017

It's an interesting question.  I definately did cut back on some purchases. . . I also wondered about things like magazine subsrciptions.  I renewed, but never for more than a year.  I still don't.  But I think being consciously self-indulgent is not a bad thing.  Right before my diagnosis, I bought a car that was a little nicer than I could afford (I got a small inheritance I did not really want to keep), but I felt good driving it, especially during chemo.  It was a worthwhile indulgence.  If you can afford it, I would say, "indulge yourself,"  but I think there is an opportunity for balance in all things.

Real Tar Heel
Posts: 207
Joined: Nov 2019

Balance seems important now,maybe more than ever.

Posts: 529
Joined: Nov 2007

 I am a two time cancer survivor.  Buy the d""m jeans and enjoy.  Who knows what the future will hold?

Posts: 24
Joined: Aug 2020

I had to respond to a fellow TarHeel fan for sure! As newly diagnosed with stage IV, I have went through these questions too. My daughter is getting married next year and just before my diagnosis, I found the dress I wanted to wear for the wedding. I bought it a week after my diagnosis because I WILL be there! My mom said to me that maybe I should return it and wait to buy it - not because she doesnt think I will be here for it, but because she was concerned it would no longer fit by next fall. I still have it in my closet because I love the dress. If necessary, I will get it altered or buy a new one, but it's the one I fell in love with and I wanted it. 
All this to say - but the jeans! And if you love them - buy two pair and maybe a shirt to go along with them! And then let us all know how great you feel when you wear them!!

Real Tar Heel
Posts: 207
Joined: Nov 2019

Go Heels!

abita's picture
Posts: 1014
Joined: Dec 2017

I go between buying things I like and want in a "enjoy while I am still here" mindset and being frugal and saving for retirement. I had put off buying a new couch and kitchen table for years before my diagnosis because I kept wanting to move, and figured would buy when moved. When everyone started visiting me, I was kind of was mortified that I had the old furniture. Ended up buying very nice dream living room and dining furniture in a moment of regret at having not enjoyed my life to the fullest possible before I knew I was mortal.

SnapDragon2's picture
Posts: 516
Joined: Nov 2019

I only give cancer the days I have to for treatment.  I do not let it interfer with my life/lifestyle.  I have always been a shoes girl and still am.  I really haven't given any thought as to get or do what i want just because of cancer.

Keep doing your life, give cancer only the time it requires.  Buy the jeans and shoes and do the John Travolta walk down the sidewalk :)

Real Tar Heel
Posts: 207
Joined: Nov 2019

LOL @ the Travolta walk.

Tueffel's picture
Posts: 259
Joined: Feb 2020

We got a new TV last month cause my dad wanted one while our old one was still good. The old one just had no wifi so no netflix etc. Papa wanted a new one while mom was why. I told her if it brings my dad happiness then why not. He is on a good path but I believe every joyful moment is good. It doesnt matter if it is a new jeans or a new TV. As long as you have fun and smile: do it!

As for the new TV: after 3 days we loved it all! We kind of binge watched Lucifer. I was so surprised how long my parents can stay awake :)

Real Tar Heel
Posts: 207
Joined: Nov 2019

My mom starts to fall asleep whenever she turns her TV on. I don't know if she's ever seen an entire movie or show since the 90s.

The first few seasons of "Luther" are definitely worth it.

Posts: 36
Joined: Jan 2020

I think its important to continue to act as if you don't know when you will die, because in truth, you don't. I've heard stories even of people in hospice care making a recovery and going on with their lives. So I continue to buy myself new earrings or any other thing that I want within reason that i can afford. I've had a relative ask me "who are you leaving your jewelry to when you die?" I told her. I don't buy jewelry for the purpose of leaving it to someone in my will. I buy it for the pleasure of wearing it now, while i am alive.


Posts: 1282
Joined: Apr 2012

I agree with Tom-buy anything and everything you want!!  

Erica2016's picture
Posts: 25
Joined: Oct 2016

I completely undertand, I am actively trying to sell/donate all my pretty things and warding off buying anything new these days. My hope is that it goes to a home who will enjoy it and that brings me happines. After reading this thread, I have to say ... we go through alot... treat yourself! 

beaumontdave's picture
Posts: 1135
Joined: Aug 2013

This is why I wouldn't/won't hear any ballpark estimates on my time, [or Cindy's, during her fight]. Living in the moment becomes so important, few people, and certainly not me, can stare at the possibilities of the future, in a cancer fight, and find joy in the little things, little moments, consistently. Buy the shoes, buy the ice cream, maybe don't buy the second home, especially of the work of it, devours precious time and resources. I stayed in the moment, because my future was in question.[ all are everyday, but who wants to live life in terrible doubt?]. Cindy's timeframe was all but certain, after a solid fight of 6 1/2 years with a *******[ glioma] that steals many within a year, and almost never lets go. This meant there were days when I had to suck it up, and face the needs down the road, and I did, I planned for our inevitable endings, and for the debilitating effects of the progression for her and for me. But there were all these other days, where we could find a nice lunch, take a spur of the moment drive, hit the local casino and lose ourselves for awhile, shop some for whatever, something she loved, and I loved watching her do, well, every now and then, lol. The ''good'' part of that path,[if there can be one] was not sweating the small stuff, not doing chores, or fixing a thing if we didn't feel like it. We did what we wanted, and though it was a rough time overall, I still have wonderful memories of her and me, and the cocoon we could fit into. Best of luck finding yours...........................................Dave

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