Hmm, maybe a strange question...

Real Tar Heel
Real Tar Heel Member Posts: 290 Member

Hi all,

I'm wondering if anyone else thinks about this (I guess this is a stage IV question but maybe for anyone). I'm doing some online shopping for the kids and thinking about the holidays, etc. I see something I might think I would like, like a new pair of jeans. I start to think, am I gonna really need this? Would I be around to need new shoes? Shouldn't I make due and spend the money on others? Of course, there is the voice who says, "Why not? After what you've been through, buy whatever you want."

Star Trek fans will recognize the next voice, "That is highly illogical."

This may be a broader question, a philosophical one that we often see in newbie posts; which is, how do we go on day to day. Do we prepare to die or prepare to live? Is denying yourself the new denim "preparing to die?" Is buying a new tracksuit irrational?

Do you all balance? You have it down pat? I'm sure you lot do! Laughing

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Comments

  • Tom M.
    Tom M. Member Posts: 223 Member
    edited September 2020 #2
    Live

    We all really start towards our death day the day we are born. We all make it by enjoying life. None of us planned to get cancer, I know I didn't. Well I have it and I plan to dig my heels in and do my best. I lost a 19 yo son just over 2 years ago so that alone makes me fear nothing. I will fight hard everyday for my other children and grandchildren. We all have something in common here, drive and guts. There is nothing to be affarid of. All of us are winners.

  • Tom M.
    Tom M. Member Posts: 223 Member
    Buy

    Buy the jeans. Get a new pair of shoes too.

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,625 Member
    edited September 2020 #4
    I did that

    As a Stage IV, I definitely did that.  It also depended on what it was and how expensive. I remember finding a lovely little ring - I do like rings, and then thinking 'I'll buy it if my next scan is clear'. Of course by then, I didn't want it. 

    As for clothes, heck, I've been doing that for decades. Will I need these jeans next month when I weigh 10 lbs less?  Of course I was never 10 lbs less, so I should have just gone ahead and purchased them. image

    So, buy the jeans, buy the shoes - if all goes south, have them bury you in them, and you can wear them for eternity.  

    But, it's not going to 'all go south'.  You too can be like me, NED and beating the odds.  So go ahead any buy things for yourself. You deserve it. 

    Tru

  • feckcancer
    feckcancer Member Posts: 170 Member
    edited September 2020 #5
    when i got told i had cancer

    when i got told i had cancer the first thought that flashed through my mind was 'but i haven't had my happily ever after yet' followed by memories of things i hadn't done.

    what a wake up call. from then on for me restoftheworld rules didn't count.

    Buy the jeans, buy the shoes, buy the earrings buy & do everything that makes you happy. you deserve it. plus who knows how long we have anyway

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,715 Member
    edited September 2020 #6
    Live for Today

    Live for today and buy those jeans.  No one knows when their time on this earth will be the last day, so try to enjoy the day you have today and look forward to putting on the new jeans and plan ahead.  You will feel better about yourself if you buy something you want. Don't ever be afraid to look to the future because it might be a very bright one and you surely don't want to miss out.  I'm sure you will look fabulous with the new shoes to go along with it, heck throw in a shirt and jacket at the same time Wink.

    Kim

  • PamRav
    PamRav Member Posts: 336 Member
    edited September 2020 #7
    Me too

    The winter following my diagnosis I remember debating whether it would be worth it to buy a new winter coat, after all I'd probably only get one seasons use out of it.  The coat I utilimately purchased was not the one I really, really wanted.  So here I am 3 years later wearing a coat I dont really like.  My advice buy was whatever your pocketbook and heart desires. Whatever we eventually leave behind can caertainly be donated and put to good use.

  • Real Tar Heel
    Real Tar Heel Member Posts: 290 Member
    edited September 2020 #8
    Thanks, somethings to think

    Thanks, somethings to think about

  • SandiaBuddy
    SandiaBuddy Member Posts: 1,258 Member
    Interesting question

    It's an interesting question.  I definately did cut back on some purchases. . . I also wondered about things like magazine subsrciptions.  I renewed, but never for more than a year.  I still don't.  But I think being consciously self-indulgent is not a bad thing.  Right before my diagnosis, I bought a car that was a little nicer than I could afford (I got a small inheritance I did not really want to keep), but I felt good driving it, especially during chemo.  It was a worthwhile indulgence.  If you can afford it, I would say, "indulge yourself,"  but I think there is an opportunity for balance in all things.

  • Real Tar Heel
    Real Tar Heel Member Posts: 290 Member
    edited October 2020 #10

    Interesting question

    It's an interesting question.  I definately did cut back on some purchases. . . I also wondered about things like magazine subsrciptions.  I renewed, but never for more than a year.  I still don't.  But I think being consciously self-indulgent is not a bad thing.  Right before my diagnosis, I bought a car that was a little nicer than I could afford (I got a small inheritance I did not really want to keep), but I felt good driving it, especially during chemo.  It was a worthwhile indulgence.  If you can afford it, I would say, "indulge yourself,"  but I think there is an opportunity for balance in all things.

    Balance seems important now

    Balance seems important now,maybe more than ever.

  • pamness
    pamness Member Posts: 519 Member
    To jean or not to jean

     I am a two time cancer survivor.  Buy the d""m jeans and enjoy.  Who knows what the future will hold?

  • Kaleidoscope49
    Kaleidoscope49 Member Posts: 34
    Jeans, shoes, get it all if you want!

    I had to respond to a fellow TarHeel fan for sure! As newly diagnosed with stage IV, I have went through these questions too. My daughter is getting married next year and just before my diagnosis, I found the dress I wanted to wear for the wedding. I bought it a week after my diagnosis because I WILL be there! My mom said to me that maybe I should return it and wait to buy it - not because she doesnt think I will be here for it, but because she was concerned it would no longer fit by next fall. I still have it in my closet because I love the dress. If necessary, I will get it altered or buy a new one, but it's the one I fell in love with and I wanted it. 
    All this to say - but the jeans! And if you love them - buy two pair and maybe a shirt to go along with them! And then let us all know how great you feel when you wear them!!

  • abita
    abita Member Posts: 1,109 Member
    I go between buying things I

    I go between buying things I like and want in a "enjoy while I am still here" mindset and being frugal and saving for retirement. I had put off buying a new couch and kitchen table for years before my diagnosis because I kept wanting to move, and figured would buy when moved. When everyone started visiting me, I was kind of was mortified that I had the old furniture. Ended up buying very nice dream living room and dining furniture in a moment of regret at having not enjoyed my life to the fullest possible before I knew I was mortal.

  • Real Tar Heel
    Real Tar Heel Member Posts: 290 Member
    edited October 2020 #14

    Jeans, shoes, get it all if you want!

    I had to respond to a fellow TarHeel fan for sure! As newly diagnosed with stage IV, I have went through these questions too. My daughter is getting married next year and just before my diagnosis, I found the dress I wanted to wear for the wedding. I bought it a week after my diagnosis because I WILL be there! My mom said to me that maybe I should return it and wait to buy it - not because she doesnt think I will be here for it, but because she was concerned it would no longer fit by next fall. I still have it in my closet because I love the dress. If necessary, I will get it altered or buy a new one, but it's the one I fell in love with and I wanted it. 
    All this to say - but the jeans! And if you love them - buy two pair and maybe a shirt to go along with them! And then let us all know how great you feel when you wear them!!

    Go Heels!

    Go Heels!

  • SnapDragon2
    SnapDragon2 Member Posts: 646 Member
    I only give cancer the days I

    I only give cancer the days I have to for treatment.  I do not let it interfer with my life/lifestyle.  I have always been a shoes girl and still am.  I really haven't given any thought as to get or do what i want just because of cancer.

    Keep doing your life, give cancer only the time it requires.  Buy the jeans and shoes and do the John Travolta walk down the sidewalk :)

  • Tueffel
    Tueffel Member Posts: 319 Member
    edited October 2020 #16
    TV

    We got a new TV last month cause my dad wanted one while our old one was still good. The old one just had no wifi so no netflix etc. Papa wanted a new one while mom was why. I told her if it brings my dad happiness then why not. He is on a good path but I believe every joyful moment is good. It doesnt matter if it is a new jeans or a new TV. As long as you have fun and smile: do it!

    As for the new TV: after 3 days we loved it all! We kind of binge watched Lucifer. I was so surprised how long my parents can stay awake :)

  • KelleyTX
    KelleyTX Member Posts: 36
    edited October 2020 #17
    I think its important to

    I think its important to continue to act as if you don't know when you will die, because in truth, you don't. I've heard stories even of people in hospice care making a recovery and going on with their lives. So I continue to buy myself new earrings or any other thing that I want within reason that i can afford. I've had a relative ask me "who are you leaving your jewelry to when you die?" I told her. I don't buy jewelry for the purpose of leaving it to someone in my will. I buy it for the pleasure of wearing it now, while i am alive.

    Kelley

  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276
    edited October 2020 #18
    Buy

    I agree with Tom-buy anything and everything you want!!  

  • Real Tar Heel
    Real Tar Heel Member Posts: 290 Member

    I only give cancer the days I

    I only give cancer the days I have to for treatment.  I do not let it interfer with my life/lifestyle.  I have always been a shoes girl and still am.  I really haven't given any thought as to get or do what i want just because of cancer.

    Keep doing your life, give cancer only the time it requires.  Buy the jeans and shoes and do the John Travolta walk down the sidewalk :)

    LOL @ the Travolta walk.

    LOL @ the Travolta walk.

  • Real Tar Heel
    Real Tar Heel Member Posts: 290 Member
    edited October 2020 #20
    Tueffel said:

    TV

    We got a new TV last month cause my dad wanted one while our old one was still good. The old one just had no wifi so no netflix etc. Papa wanted a new one while mom was why. I told her if it brings my dad happiness then why not. He is on a good path but I believe every joyful moment is good. It doesnt matter if it is a new jeans or a new TV. As long as you have fun and smile: do it!

    As for the new TV: after 3 days we loved it all! We kind of binge watched Lucifer. I was so surprised how long my parents can stay awake :)

    My mom starts to fall asleep

    My mom starts to fall asleep whenever she turns her TV on. I don't know if she's ever seen an entire movie or show since the 90s.

    The first few seasons of "Luther" are definitely worth it.

  • Erica2016
    Erica2016 Member Posts: 29 Member
    edited October 2020 #21
    Treat yourself

    I completely undertand, I am actively trying to sell/donate all my pretty things and warding off buying anything new these days. My hope is that it goes to a home who will enjoy it and that brings me happines. After reading this thread, I have to say ... we go through alot... treat yourself!