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Wish me luck

Diane_K's picture
Diane_K
Posts: 64
Joined: Jan 2019

Hello,

I am having a colonoscopy tomorrow and scans next week.  I'm stage 4 and my last scans were five months ago.  I am now three years and seven months NED.  My anxiety always begins about a month before my scans, and I've often wonder if counseling would be helpful but I have never looked into it.  I'm sure we all suffer from varying degrees of PTSD.  I meditate but it's difficult to clear the mind when worried.  When we need peace from meditation the most, that is when it is most difficult.

Best wishes to all of you.

Tueffel
Posts: 108
Joined: Feb 2020

Hello Diane,

My fingers are crossed for you and I wish you good luck that this check up will be negative! 

Tueffel

Diane_K's picture
Diane_K
Posts: 64
Joined: Jan 2019

Thank you, Tueffel.  I wish the best for your father and you.

beaumontdave's picture
beaumontdave
Posts: 1069
Joined: Aug 2013

Boy, I know how that feels, they did scans every three months for many years on me, many times a CT followed by a PET scan, then biopsies. I was going weeks with anxiety in the back of my head, ready to jump forward any unbusy moment. I was pretty good at staying busy and crowding back those thoughts, with work and lots of reading, but there were always those moments that forced me to go walking, my second line of mental defense. I'd walk until I was too tired to care much, exercise would work as well. The third line was actually practicing mindfulness and getting perspective. Knowing their were so many worse off than me helped sometimes, but staying in the moment, not letting my thoughts go beyond the present worked very well. I had to have that mental control, because I was dealing with my wife's brain tumor treatments, my work, and raising my son and granddaughter. It didn't always hold, sometimes I just couldn't focus right, or hold my thoughts, and that's when the fourth line came in play. Xanax had been offered at diagnosis, and I accepted readily. It helped on 3am wake-ups when I had to sleep, and prior to the ''big reveal'' appointments with the doctors, or scan days, etc. As a child of the seventies, I'd tried enough things to not be afraid of anti-anxiety pills, or see their use as weakness on my part. I didn't overuse them, as they faded quickly in usefulness when you tried to take one or two more than occassionally. I'm certain I had some PTSD at some points in time, as well. You're a fair ways out Ned-wise, but that didn't really help me as I had 5 years in my head as the ''safe spot'' after having 2 recurrances each after 2 years plus. [I'll be 6 years out in a couple days from the last liver resection]. The docs went to 6 month scans at the 3 year mark, and ended them at 5 years. Now its just 6 month blood panels, looking at iron and that CEA mostly. Do you know when they'll change your schedule and lengthen the test times? I hope you find those things that help you deal with it all, mindfulness or meditation the most, because they're something you can use anywhere, anytime, for any future stresses that come. Good luck......................................................Dave

Diane_K's picture
Diane_K
Posts: 64
Joined: Jan 2019

Thanks for all the great advise.  I meet with my oncologist in a couple of weeks.  I think he may push me 6 months out on scans.  I agree with getting perspective and being aware of others in need.  Before the pandemic I volunteered for two organizations and found it very rewarding.  I'll pick it back up after I get the Covid19 vaccination.  

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 1103
Joined: Apr 2017

Good luck in the upcoming scans.  I can offer nothing when it comes to scanxiety.  I think we all suffer from it, but it is nice to know that some people understand.  Is that Canyon de Chelly in your avatar?

Diane_K's picture
Diane_K
Posts: 64
Joined: Jan 2019

It is Canyon de Chelly.  We took a trip up there a couple of years ago and fell in love with the beauty of the canyon.  We took a jeep tour and really got to see the beauty up close.  There's one section where they allow hiking down the canyon to the White House Ruin cliff dwelling.  It's a very remote area so I was surprised to see many tourists from other countries sightseeing  It was cool hearing so many different languages deep into the Navajo Nation.

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 1103
Joined: Apr 2017

Hopefully we will all have the opportunity to do some more travelling soon.

suzycruise76's picture
suzycruise76
Posts: 132
Joined: Mar 2019

Diane,I will think of you tomorrow and believe all is going to be NED again. I read your story,and I like your attitude and getting puppy for dog therapy. Dogs are the best!Laughing

All the best,

Suzy

Diane_K's picture
Diane_K
Posts: 64
Joined: Jan 2019

Jet helped my body fight the cancer, although it was challenging having a puppy during chemo.  After I finished chemo I trained him and he passed testing to become a Therapy Dog for others in need. Before the pandemic we were visiting patients.  We'll pick it up again.

Tom M.
Posts: 158
Joined: May 2019

Bust of luck on your scans. Prayers for what you want to hear.

Diane_K's picture
Diane_K
Posts: 64
Joined: Jan 2019

Thank you, I pray for all of you too.

danker
Posts: 1256
Joined: Apr 2012

Just assume you will continue to be NED.  And when the tests are over, and you are still Ned, you will just laaugh about it.  If I can be NED for 11 yearsat my age, then you are a sinch!!

Diane_K's picture
Diane_K
Posts: 64
Joined: Jan 2019

That's wonderful for you to be NED for 11 years.  Here's to positve thinking!

Allidoisyoga's picture
Allidoisyoga
Posts: 31
Joined: Apr 2020

I am so sorry you are feeling this way.  All of these feelings are completely normal considering what you have gone through.  

 

Sending you peace and stillness as you have these scans done.  May you be able to stay grounded in your highest truth.  Hugs my friend.

Diane_K's picture
Diane_K
Posts: 64
Joined: Jan 2019

Thank you, I wish the best for you.

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6550
Joined: Feb 2009

Wishing you the best on your scans and colonoscopy.  It's always a hard time when tests are due.  I'm the same way about worry before they are even scheduled.  Please let us know how it went.

Kim

Diane_K's picture
Diane_K
Posts: 64
Joined: Jan 2019

Thank you.  It's nice to have others who understand our anxiety.

Diane_K's picture
Diane_K
Posts: 64
Joined: Jan 2019

Thank you everyone.  My colonoscopy went well, but we had a loss in our family the day before the procedure.  My daughter's fiance passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.  We are heartbroken and helping her through her sorrow.  

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 1103
Joined: Apr 2017

My condolences on the loss in your family.

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6550
Joined: Feb 2009

Oh my goodness, good news and terrible news.  I'm glad your colonoscopy came out clear, but so sorry to hear of your loss.  That is just terrible.  May God help you get through all this.  My sympathies to your daughter as well.

Kim

Canadian Sandy's picture
Canadian Sandy
Posts: 654
Joined: Jul 2016

That's sad. My condolences to you and your daughter. Good news about your colonoscopy.

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