Elderly parent with cancer wants to do it alone

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Shu987
Shu987 Member Posts: 1
in Esophageal Cancer #1

My dad was just diagnosed. He insists that he can take himself to treatments and does not need help. He lives an hour and a half from everyon. I have a room for him. We are close but in his mind he doesn't want to be a burden. He also feels obligated to care for a friend near him that has no one. She is not very nice to him and asks too much. He feels bad for her since she has no one. 
He says that I have to work and can't go way out there to get him. (It's called FMLA. My job is not a problem.) He is right that he is too far for me, that's why he needs to come stay with me. Even if he could drive himself to treatments, I don't think he understands how sick he will likely get. 
Any tips on how to better approach these conversations would be appreciated. 
Thank you in advance... God bless you 

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  • paul61
    paul61 Member Posts: 1,391 Member
    edited July 2020 #2
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    Tell him you respect his independence but that you are there

    I understand your Dad's need for independance. I felt the same when I went through treatment. Not everyone has the same experience with chemo. Some have few side effects, some have many. I would suggest you let him know that you respect his independance and support his desire to try things on his own. I would tell him "I am here for you if you need me". 

    My experience with chemo was that the side effects were cumulative. My first week of chemo was not bad at all, my 15th week of chemo was very difficult. He can expect to have nausea, difficulty swallowing, and fatigue. 

    I would ask him if you can check in on him via telephone every few days and come by periodically to see if he needs help with housekeeping and meal preparation. I would ask him to consider when these things become a challenge that he move in with you for a few weeks until his chemo is finished. 

    Curative treatment for EC typically includes surgery. It is the period after surgery that he will need the most support. The surgery is significant and the recovery time is six months to a year in many cases.

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