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Sometimes its just hard to put on a brave face

worriedson714
Posts: 56
Joined: Dec 2019

My dad had surgery for rectal cancer stage 3 in december and they been watching if they missed any sense. Biopsy just came back and he still has some of the tumor left which is shocking to me and my family . Cause my dad has been doing really good he has gained 50 pounds and is still getting around great . Now they want to check to see if it has spread before they do surgery again . So my question is has anyone heard of someone gaining weight and still having cancer ? And does the fact he has gained weight mean it didn't spread ? Or is the gaining weight a non factor in the whole thing . The doctor doesn't seem to want to commit to a answer on that . Also if his cancer spreads does that mean he doesn't have alot of time left ? That question I just don't want to ask the doctor and worry my dad about . Trying to put on a brave face for my dad and be postive but it's hard as you all know . 

 

Cosette24
Posts: 14
Joined: Jun 2020

There are lots of people on this forum whose cancer had spread and now they're NED or living for many years after the diagnosis. I can't tell you anything about gaining weight and cancer. My husband had stage III cancer and never lost any weight. I don't understand how they could have missed some parts of the tumor though. I am sure it will be cleared out with the next surgery. I know it's difficult but try to stay positive for your dad and don't be afraid to get a second opinion from another oncologist. 

worriedson714
Posts: 56
Joined: Dec 2019

The tumor was to close to the prostate so the doc who did the surgery was worried it would harm the prostate so she left some of the tumor and sent him to u of m cause there specialist

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5149
Joined: Jan 2013

You don't always have to put on a brave face. It is very scary for you, to think of the worst senario. 

It does happen, that all of the tumour has not or cannot be removed, so it is not unusal. Obviously you don't want it to happen, but it does, and it seems like your dad is now on that list. 

After I had finised treatment, I was doing just fine for nine month, feeling and looking great, then they found Cancer in my liver.  So yes, your dad can gain weight, feel good, look good, and the Cancer could still be there. Just know that if he is feeling healthy, is a good weight and he goes in for more surgery, it is a good thing.  

And to your last question, if it spreads is it an indication that he doesn't have long to live - A HUGE NO NO NO.  My Cancer spread, I had it taken care of, and here I am, seven years from treatment, six from my liver surgery, and I have been NED ever since.  There are many of us here, some that don't post often, who have had it reccur several times, and after surgery and or chemo, are living life to their fullest. I could name names.  So please know that your dad may have many, many more wonderful years ahead.  

Talking about looking ahead, don't do it. Don't look past the next few months. Take it one day at a time.  We will all die off at some point, so live in the moment. 

I am sure your dad isn't fooled by your 'brave face'. While you don't want to mope about, or be pessemistic, it doesn't hurt for him to know you are scared, and to hug him and love him and tell him you are with him every step of the way. 

It is a journey, hopefully a long one. He is one lucky father to have you by his side. 

Tru

worriedson714
Posts: 56
Joined: Dec 2019

Thats what i thought about the gaining weight thing but didn't think about it being good for surgery and your right my brave face doesn't fool my dad at all I do tell him I love him and tell him I am proud of have him as a dad . But I don't want to burden him so sometimes I do try the whole brave face it's just hard cause I feel like I can't do nothing to help him . And thanks so much about the comment about it spreading needed to hear that I am worried about that cause they been watching this cancer for 3 months doing nothing so it's like what if . And day by day I am learning to live in the moment your right about that to but it sure ain't easy as you know 

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5149
Joined: Jan 2013

t's just hard cause I feel like I can't do nothing to help him

And I say, you are not 'doing nothing'. Your love, your caring, your compassion, and putting on that brave face, is definitely 'doing something'.  While you can't take away the Cancer, your love will mean everything to him.  

Tru

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 1063
Joined: Apr 2017

I think putting on weight is a good sign.  I remember when there was a question if I had a new tumor (I did not) and I visited with my oncologist (who also has cancer) and he asked me if I had been losing weight.  I told him, "no, I have been putting on weight."  He seemed to see that as a good sign, and he was right.

There is a lot of art and science in cancer treatment.  Sometimes the art side prevails.

My thought is to enjoy each day in these uncertain times.  I am sure that your dad appreciates your concern for him, and hopefully both of you can focus on getting the best out of each day.

 

 

danker
Posts: 1238
Joined: Apr 2012

You don't tell us what age  your dad is.  I suspect he is younger than I was when I had all my cancer problems.  I was 77 then,and became NED(no evedence of disease). All that was 11 years ago as I 

am now 88 and still NED, so I am living proof that cancer can be beat!!  Just keep loving you dad and hope for the best.  Good luck to you both.

 

worriedson714
Posts: 56
Joined: Dec 2019

My dad is 61 and did yours spread ? if you don't mind me asking and I will and good luck to also

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6482
Joined: Feb 2009

Weight gain really is not a particular symptom on a cancer diagnosis or recurrence as Colorectal cancer is one that is really considered a "silent" disease.  A lot of people don't realize they have C/R cancer diagnosis until something shows up like blood in stool or sudden pain, but sometimes it doesn't show any symptoms whatsoever.  The best way of diagnosis is for a CT scan and continued follow ups from doctors.  No one can give a specific amount of time a disease will happen to end our life, so please don't dwell on that.  It's best right now to follow up with the doctor, get their perspective on the situation and see how they want to follow up.  Don't give up hope, as there is good evidence that your father is feeling good, eating well and active.  That's the great news, and wishing your father well.

Kim

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