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Anyone else feel totally numb

betula's picture
betula
Posts: 86
Joined: Mar 2017

Hi all,

My husband was diagnosed with rectal cancer in Dec 2016.  Metastized to liver and lungs June 2018.  Has has surgery, chemo, radiation, chemo, more chemo and now on an immunotherapy trial.  In 2018 he had a number of small bowel blockages that resulted in hospitalizations....after being taken to the hospital in the middle of the night by EMS.  Then in Dec 2018 in the middle of his multiple hospitalizations I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  He ended up having surgery two weeks before my masectomy to correct the issue of the bowel blockages.  I had chemo and radiation after surgery.  All the while I kept the kids and their lives together and worked.  

My husband is so worn out by the immunotherapy plus having low hemoglobin which they still have not figured out so he sleeps alot.  I feel so emotionally numb any more.  I worry that when he does eventuallly pass away it will almost be a releif and that I will screw up on helping my kids deal with it.   That sounds so horrible to say.  

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.

 

 

Hkc
Posts: 8
Joined: Jun 2020

hi @betula: thank you for sharing that. i hope you know that you are a very strong person and that you should be proud of taking care of your kids and working throughout this extremely difficult time. I can't imagine how much you've been through and it's understandable for you to feel emotionally numb. It could be a defense mechanism to all the pain. I just want to let you know that I hear you. 

betula's picture
betula
Posts: 86
Joined: Mar 2017

Hkc,

Your reply brought tears to my eyes.  Thank you.

Hkc
Posts: 8
Joined: Jun 2020

@betula: you're welcome. here to listen anytime. you're not alone.

Ag123
Posts: 35
Joined: Mar 2017

I know it's been a few months since you posted this. You certainly sound like you've been through a LOT. So any feeling you have given such an abnormal set of events I'm sure comes from a place of love and is still valid. You're fighting your own battle in addition to taking care of your husband and your kids. 

 

I hope you and your family are doing ok.

 

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