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Having children and health uncertainty

Kayla888
Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2019

Hello, I had cancer in college, two intense surgeries to treat it. Now I'm 29 years old, married and talking about when to have a baby. I found out through routine Monitoring that I have cyst in the area that doesn't require surgery now but should it grow it the future surgery might be indicated. Normally it would not be a complicated procedure but I have already had two extensive surgeries done in the area, compromising my future ability to heal. This new revelation and the lack of finality (could need surgery any time, could be never) has triggered a lot of anxiety and questions of whether it's selfish to have children when I don't know what's going to happen with my health. I'd like to hear how other young survivors cope with this. 

annie4145
Posts: 180
Joined: Jul 2018

I can't answer your question exactly, but I do have one thought.  One thought is how well do you know how your husband would raise  kids if something god forbid should happen to you someday.  I thought that my husband would be good with kids. (He was good with his dogs, and I assumed he would be equally loving with kids.) He and I get along fine together (this is now after 14 years of marriage.)  but frankly he is not good with kids.  (They are 11 and 13 now.) He will be happy when they go to college.  I love the kids and love spending time with them, talking etc. He would be a very  bad single parent.  Not abusive, but just not very loving and supportive.  You have to weigh that, plus the statistics for your type of cancer. (95% cure rate vs. 50% cure rate.) And if you ever relasped, would you feel better that you had a child and your husband and your son/daughter would have each other, or would it be a terribe knife in your heart/fear to leave a child behind. 

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