How to tell your child

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anniemshe
anniemshe Member Posts: 91 Member
in Breast Cancer #1

Hi. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer it was 2007 Dec and my daughter was just 11 months old. I had all my treatments etc n was done by June 2008. So I never realily told her anything. She's seen my implant and I just told her that I was ill but all better now and that was when she was about 5/6 years old. 

Then in 2017 it came back and I had some radiation therapy and now on hormone therapy. When I found out it was back I was devastated but I and my husband did not tell my daughter as we felt that she was just 10 years old and I didn't feel right to put this burden of knowledge that her mum is in 4th stage cancer. Now 2 years down the road  I'm doing well but still on hormone therapy and regular checkups which I go to with my husband usually when she's at school.

Recently I've been troubled about not telling her but my husband is against it as he says why trouble her with the knowledge Though that is true but I'm also afraid she will hear from someone else or find out about it and I'd rather she hears it from me!! 
But am I being selfish to put this burden on her? Should I tell her? I don't want to depress her. It's so difficult!! 
I just have no clue what to do. 

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  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    #2
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    up to you...

    It's up to you.  Only you know the emotonal stability of your daughter.  If you choose to tell her, be frank, medical and to the point.  Assure you you are fine but dont lie to her.  Never make a kid a promise of eternity.   You cant keep that.  

    Hugs,

    Annie

  • anniemshe
    anniemshe Member Posts: 91 Member
    #3
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    Blessed

    Dearest Annie

     

    Thank you SO much for your words of wisdom. Yes I don't want to lie to her so I feel by not telling her it is kind of lying. She is mature child and very sensible. I have been blessed to have her. 
    I will pray for God's guidance and then decide what to do. 

    Love always ?

  • motorcycleguy
    motorcycleguy Member Posts: 478 Member
    #4
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    Annie,

    As a grandparent now, I can tell you that in my experience, a loving parent (like yourself) almost always does the right thing for their child. Follow your instincts about this, and you'll be just fine!

    I'm sending a prayer your way - and wish you all the best!

    mg

  • janaes
    janaes Member Posts: 799 Member
    #5
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    Hello im from the uterine

    Hello im from the uterine cancer section of this site and just happen to come across your thread. I had a daughter who was nine when i had cancer. I accually had a previous cancer before she was born. I cant remember the details but i did tell my daughter about my cancer. I did feel like she would find out anyways. 

    Anyways the reason i tell you this is because there is a summer camp for kids who have parents with cancer. It has to be a parent. They do this camp around the country and is run by college students in the area. It called camp keesam if you want to look it up on line. My daughter has been going for 3 years and loves it. She hates it when she has to say goodbye to all her friends and talks about going to camp way before its time. Its a great support for kids. Its free too.

    Of course its your desision

  • anniemshe
    anniemshe Member Posts: 91 Member
    #6
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    Blessed

    Thank you SO much for all your advice. I've been praying for wisdom and do feel I must tell her rather than she hear it from someone else. 

    God will give me the right time and the correct words.

    Janaes, I'm not local and such camps are not availabile to us but how awesome that's there are such camps for children! 
    God bless you all!! 

  • anniemshe
    anniemshe Member Posts: 91 Member
    edited December 2019 #7
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    I told her

    Hi everyone, 

    I just wanted to share that I have told my daughter about my conditio but to my amazement she was very calm and said she knows!!  She's 12 years old but realised I was going for check ups and she googled my medication and found out it was for metastatic breast cancer. Then she googled that and got all the information about it. She said she was worried at first as it seemed to be very serious but looking at me I seemed okay so she decided it wasn't all that serious for me!!! I was speechless for a moment!! 
    I asked her why she did not ask me about it and she just said she was waiting for me to tell her. I told her I'm on medication and it's working well. I need to get checked every 3 months etc. I was calm and she was calm and it was good!! I felt so relieved as I didn't like hiding my condition from her! 

  • annie4145
    annie4145 Member Posts: 218 Member
    #8
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    anniemshe said:

    I told her

    Hi everyone, 

    I just wanted to share that I have told my daughter about my conditio but to my amazement she was very calm and said she knows!!  She's 12 years old but realised I was going for check ups and she googled my medication and found out it was for metastatic breast cancer. Then she googled that and got all the information about it. She said she was worried at first as it seemed to be very serious but looking at me I seemed okay so she decided it wasn't all that serious for me!!! I was speechless for a moment!! 
    I asked her why she did not ask me about it and she just said she was waiting for me to tell her. I told her I'm on medication and it's working well. I need to get checked every 3 months etc. I was calm and she was calm and it was good!! I felt so relieved as I didn't like hiding my condition from her! 

    wow. I am glad that it went

    wow. I am glad that it went well.

  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    #9
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    anniemshe said:

    I told her

    Hi everyone, 

    I just wanted to share that I have told my daughter about my conditio but to my amazement she was very calm and said she knows!!  She's 12 years old but realised I was going for check ups and she googled my medication and found out it was for metastatic breast cancer. Then she googled that and got all the information about it. She said she was worried at first as it seemed to be very serious but looking at me I seemed okay so she decided it wasn't all that serious for me!!! I was speechless for a moment!! 
    I asked her why she did not ask me about it and she just said she was waiting for me to tell her. I told her I'm on medication and it's working well. I need to get checked every 3 months etc. I was calm and she was calm and it was good!! I felt so relieved as I didn't like hiding my condition from her! 

    Prayers going up

    Glad it went well.  Heres to many many more years of making memories.

    Hugs,

    Annie

  • anniemshe
    anniemshe Member Posts: 91 Member
    #10
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    Thank you all for your suppor

    Thank you all for your suppor, prayers and good thoughts! 

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