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is there anything else we can do?

Makord
Posts: 36
Joined: Oct 2017

I'm afraid my mother is reaching the end 

stage 4 with mets in liver/lungs since September 2017, we tried everything we could (Folfox, Folfiri, avastin, lonsurf) - nothing worked for long, now off chemo for a couple of months as we have run out of options. She has been hospitalised quite a few times over the last month, now she is at home in bed. She cannot move, she sleeps most of the time, she is in antibiotics, she eats small quantities, fever has stopped during the last days, Doctors told me we are reaching the end..I'm devastated. She is very sad and has lost hope..

Is there anything else I can do to help my mother live with quality? Should I simply accept this is the end - how is this possible? Should I try anything else? It's so difficult...

sorry for bringing negative news - any thought / idea is so welcome.

thank you,

mariana 

 

 

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4859
Joined: Jan 2013

I am sorry to read your post.  

No matter how bad things look and how long you have watched your mum fight this battle, you always allow yourself hope. It does sound like your mum has entered the last stage. I don't know of anything that can be done at this time, other than to make your mum as comfortable as possible. Talk about happy things, and make this time as special as possible.  

As always, we continue to have hope until the end arrives. 

Tru

SoCal42's picture
SoCal42
Posts: 60
Joined: Jul 2017

Do you have access to hospice and/or palliative care? They are the experts when it comes to daily quality of life in the face of this kind of disease.

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6222
Joined: Feb 2009

I'm sorry to hear about your mother.  It sound like your mom has been through a lot.  Be with her as much as possible and make sure that there is someone there to be with her when you can't.  I'm not able to give you any other suggestions except to make her feel your presence and love.

Kim

Slow-runner
Posts: 53
Joined: Oct 2017

Hi Mariana, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. Two years of fighting Stage IV is tough and hard on the patient and also those supporting the patient. My husband was also diagnosed in Sept. of '17 and we too are out of options. I don't know what to expect but I hope that he sleeps alot, and in the end just sllips away.  We often talk about how fortunate our life together has been and are so very grateful that it is not happening to one of our children.  I wish it were me, not him but this is beyond our control. We don't come into this world together and don't get to leave it together. I often think how lucky we are because this disease has given us time to prepare for death.  It won't make the loss any easier but just think of the families that loose someone due to a car accident, someone who left home with thoughts of returning for dinner but don't. We get to say the "I love you" and make sure they are comfortable and not alone. I pray your mother's passing is peaceful and that your memories of her and knowledge that you were able to care for her somehow bring you comfort. Take care of yourself, I'm sure your mother is quite proud of you.  Mary

AnneO1965's picture
AnneO1965
Posts: 58
Joined: May 2019

I'm so sorry about your mom, I experienced the same with mine, and even though I knew it was coming, that didn't make the hurt any less. She fought stage 4 cervical cancer for four years. She was a part of many trials, and they just ran out of treatments for her.

 

I feel that I was lucky, I got to spend her last few months with her, and we had some wonderful conversations. Towards the end, my sister and I knew it was coming and we spent as much time with her as we could. I am happy to say that she did go easy, with both of her daughters holding her hand. We told her how much we loved her, and that it was ok for her to go. She woke up long enough to smile at us, and then she was gone.

 

Please take care of yourself, and know that I am giving you a mental hug. You sound like you could use it.

Anne

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