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Unexpected

Anisa520
Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 2019

I was diagnosed with uterine/endometrial cancer and I had to have a hysterectomy...this was completely unexpected and I really don’t know how to deal with it...the emotional toll it’s taken on me is not something that I was prepared for...I feel so alone and no one in my family understands my bouts of sadness and crying...it just happens randomly...I have no control over it. I’ve had 3 surgeries since the beginning of the year...im just so tired...I feel bad complaining b/c so many people have it worst then me but it’s really hard. I don’t have any children and now I’ll never get a chance to experience what it’s like to be pregnant...I was seeing a therapist and it really helped but then she told me that she was expecting and I know I couldn’t sit there and watch her be pregnant and talk about my situation...it would be too hard for me so now I’m trying to find someone else to talk to...I just want one day to feel ok again and not to be constantly plagued with so many thoughts...I have so much trouble sleeping at night...it’s the absolute worst at night b/c theres no more distractions and my mind just won’t stop...I would appreciate any advice.

MAbound
Posts: 863
Joined: Jun 2016

Hello Anisa, 

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, but welcome to the group, in any case.

You sound like you are young compared to many of us since you still had hopes of having children. This cancer tends to strike more women at or after menopause, but what you are going through sure sounds a lot like what happened to my mom when she had a hysterectomy in her 40's back in the late '70's. We'd be talking and all of a sudden she'd just be sobbing and it was really quite upsetting for all. It happened randomly and she couldn't control it, just like you.  It turned out that she needed to have hormone therapy to get everything balanced out so that she could cope.

You'd think in this day and age that surgical menopause would be handled better, but I can't say that it is or isn't from personal experience because I was 59 when it happened to me. You don't say how you are being cared for with hormone replacement, but if you are still having such issues you may want to consider getting a second opinion from a different gynecologist or an endocrinologist. A therapist can't help with this if the issue is actually physical instead of psychological. We women are ruled by our hormones and the ups and downs of that is not just something in our heads. What you have been through and have lost to having cancer is good reason to be sad, but not necessarily to such an extreme. It can only help to find out if you are dealing with something that can be corrected to make it easier to live your life.

NoTimeForCancer's picture
NoTimeForCancer
Posts: 2587
Joined: Mar 2013

Anisa, I agree with everything MAbound wrote, but I would add, if you felt working with a therapist was helping, you should consider finding someone else.  Don't struggle with it - it is important to take care of yourself. 

Armywife's picture
Armywife
Posts: 297
Joined: Feb 2018

All of us understand the grieving that comes with having cancer.  Life changes dramatically with the diagnosis, and the physical toll of surgery and its consequences can be tough.  I agree with NoTime that seeking a different counselor is a great idea.  Check with your gyn/oncologist -  there may be therapy available as part of your care team plan.  I was offered visits with a psychologist who exclusively cares for cancer patients.  She is a wonderful lady and I still see her once a month and will continue for as long as I can.  Blessedly, the visits are covered completely by my insurance.

Meanwhile, please know that you're not alone as you mourn.  I was past childbearing age when I had my hysterectomy, but there was some part of me that was terribly sad, and I cried more than once at the loss of the "parts."  I realize that makes no sense, as I wouldn't have been able to have a baby at that age anyway, but it still felt like a loss. For you, it was  a beautiful potential, and you are in the process of adjusting to that closed door.  Be kind to yourself.  Go ahead and cry - it's a big loss and you have every right to grieve it.  I'll pray that God allows you to see all the wonderful things you still do have, and that He shows you ways you can still be a mom.

We are here for you.

 

jan9wils's picture
jan9wils
Posts: 64
Joined: Mar 2017

Oh Anisa, I so wish I had something I could do to ease your pain. I am not surprised you are having episodes of crying. It is a lot to go through three surgeries and have the option to reproduce taken away. I imagine your therapist knew it would be difficult for you to see her while she is pregnant and that's why she told you she was expecting. And now you have the added "bonus" of surgical menopause. HRT may help ease some symptoms of menopause if your onc/gyn thinks its a good idea. But, maybe you are grieving. And why wouldn't you be?  Finding a new therapist is a good idea. I am so glad you have your sister to lean on. The women on this board will support you too. 

Forherself's picture
Forherself
Posts: 192
Joined: Jan 2019

Why you feel the way you do.  It is so nice to share with people who KNOW what you are going through.   I have shared this before, but between the time of my surgery and my pathology report I had time to imagine any outcome.  I am an RN, and realized that I was feeling some of the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.   I had to change where I slept because as soon as I laid down in the bed I recovered from surgery in, all the emotions came flooding into my mind.   I looked it up.  This is a good link to  information from Mayo Clinic  saying a life threatening diagnosis can cause it.   If you read about it, you might understand more of how you are feeling.   And finding a new therapist is a good idea.  You will see that women here encourage you to be your own advocate.   I will find the link

Forherself's picture
Forherself
Posts: 192
Joined: Jan 2019

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967.     It could be the cause

Donna Faye's picture
Donna Faye
Posts: 244
Joined: Jan 2017

Anisa, I know exactly how you are feeling. I was 26, expecting a baby and my husband and I were over the moon. Then one day I reached over to pick up something on the floor and the next thing I knew, I was screaming in pain. Several hours later, I awoke to find a huge cut down my stomach from navel to pubic. I was in an army hospital so they were not too concerned about the way my scar would look. I also learned I had an ectopic pregnancy and had lost an ovary and a tube. I was broken. I was alone on an army base overseas and no one to care for me. My husband was a young officer and he was away a great deal.  And there was no baby to be. Everywhere I went there were pregnant women and I would burst into tears in the PX, the wives club, anywhere the pain hit me.  I was very depressed. My husband gave me a Day of Beauty at an Elizabeth Arden salon - how he managed that expense I do not know. The lady that gave me my massage asked about the ugly scar and I burst into sobs. She continued to massage my back gently and to hum a soft lullaby. She told me that part of being a woman was bearing children but it was also our heartbreak to lose them. She told me to think about something I could do to make the place where I lived a better place. She also told me to massage the scar with olive oil daily and as it faded, to continue to love my body as it represented life as it is. Today my body is a battlefield from that scar, a gall bladder scar, a mastectomy and a hysterectomy. At 79, I can look at that body and see the sadness and the joy of being a woman.  You may not have the experience of pregnancy but you can find a child or children to love, encourage and support. I taught school for 30 years and have hundreds of students that share some love with me - one is 40 and we are FB friends.  

So dear one, take time to mourn and know it is your right to be sad, angry, depressed and lonely. But also find people to love you and support you and to bring joy back into your life.  You have found such a group here. Be strong for you are WOMAN. Peace be with you.

Armywife's picture
Armywife
Posts: 297
Joined: Feb 2018

You are my favorite storyteller.  Your encouragement is priceless!  That scarred body holds a pure jewel of a soul!

Harmony09's picture
Harmony09
Posts: 75
Joined: Aug 2017

Totally Agree!!!

derMaus's picture
derMaus
Posts: 559
Joined: Nov 2016

Your picture is back! Love it!!

Forherself's picture
Forherself
Posts: 192
Joined: Jan 2019

Donna Faye.  You have become of beautiful person in spite of your medical issues.   And heartache.   I hope you are feeling ok now.  

ConnieSW's picture
ConnieSW
Posts: 1442
Joined: Jun 2012

To have each other here. I hope we can help, Anissa.  I'm seven years out and keep thinking it's time to move on and let this site go but I can't. 

MAbound
Posts: 863
Joined: Jun 2016

If you want to move on, we'll celebrate your freedom with you, but never doubt that you'd be missed!

Armywife's picture
Armywife
Posts: 297
Joined: Feb 2018

We ARE so lucky!  I started to leave this group twice because I was afraid I was dwelling too much on the cancer and that I should be thinking more positively to avoid recurrence (those who believe that what we think is what will happen planted that thought in my head).  And then I realized that this group and these ladies are an incredibly positive presence in my life!  I think of all of you so often, by name, and pray for you.  Cheer for you, sigh for you, get mad on your behalf.....Connie I hope you and your seven-year winning streak stay with us a long time!

zsazsa1
Posts: 325
Joined: Oct 2018

Your presence, and the presence of others who are long term survivors, really gives hope to the newly diagnosed that there is a chance of a cure, or of a long term remission.  Know that you are greatly appreciated.

Anisa520
Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 2019

Thank you all so much for your support and advice...it means so much to me.

janaes
Posts: 762
Joined: May 2016

Annisa, i dont know how old you are buy i was 42 when i got uterine cancer. Its hard being young and getting cancer. I was 20 when i wss diagnosed with hodkins lymphoma.ba kind of cancer. When through all the treatment anf all was well. I got married and tried to have a family and it didnt work for me. My oncologist at the time said i might have trouble getting pregnant. I didnt think much of it at the time and was still hopeful

 When it came time to accually trying to get pregnant it didnt work. Athough ive had differing opinions as to why i didnt get pregnant i believe in my heart, at least in part, it was the treatments for cancer. I had to morn the loss of that. Its okay to do that. I would encourage you to talk about options with your gynological oncologist about any options you may have. I tryed getting pregnant until i was tolf i needed invitro. I ended up adopting two kids later. I needed to take the time to try to get pregnant and eventially morn the loss though.

Im so sorry this is happening to you. Its hard and not fun. Cancer itself is enough. Just know you are not alone and dont be too hard on yourself as you struggle. 

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