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Been lurking for 4 years....

Posts: 27
Joined: Feb 2017

I was diagnosed in June of 2015 (3 weeks before my son's wedding!) at Stage 4B with mets to lymph nodes, both lungs and one adrenal. Didn't tell my family until after the kids got back from their honeymoon. By that time, surgery was only a few days away. Had 12 rounds of Folfox with 5FU followed by 12 rounds of Avastin with 5FU. It was so effective I was able to take a break from chemo for TWO YEARS!!! Yay! Of course there was growth during that time in both lungs (I've never been NED) but it was slow.

My onc told me that 2018 would be the year I needed to go back on chemo for awhile, and I was okay with that. Two weeks before I was to resume chemo, in the early morning on Valentine's Day, my husband was murdered by a jerk trying to break into our house. He shot at me too, but for whatever reason I survived. So here I am, just trudging thru as best I can. I'm now on Folfiri and 5FU, and it is the worst of all I've had. I don't see myself taking all 6 remaining treatments.

Sorry for such a long *introductory* post. I'll be needing to cry & vent & whine to you guys. I feel like I can't talk about such to my friends and family because they love me, and it kills them that they can't fix me. I'm really struggling right now...

Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5512
Joined: Jan 2013

What a tragic story.  I am so very sorry that your husband's life was taken so violently. 

Well, you certainly sound like a strong woman, considering you have already fought well with previous treaments and have a super attitude as you move forward into more. 

Your post is not at all long, and we are here to listen to you cry, vent, whine and hopfully laugh - I hope you can laugh, though I bet it has been very hard.

 Yes, we are here to help you, 100%.

I am very glad that you came out of lurking mode. 



JanJan63's picture
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Oh my goodness! That's horrible! I'm SO sorry! I'm glad you finally decided to come on and join the group. 


Butt's picture
Posts: 355
Joined: May 2018

How fast you lung mets were growing when you were off chemo?

Posts: 27
Joined: Feb 2017

Well, I have numerous mets in both lungs, but only 3 are measured in the CT scans. When I stopped chemo, they were about the size of pencil erasers. When I resumed chemo 2 years later, they had grown to roughly 3 cm or about the size of the first joint of my thumb. My onc says my cancer has been "wimpy". Here's hoping it stays wimpy for a very long time

Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6722
Joined: Feb 2009

I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through and then the struggle of losing your husband to an intruder.  My heart just goes out to you and you can vent, cry and whine all you want on this board and we will be right here to help you get through it all.  Once again welcome and thanks for joining our group. 


Posts: 27
Joined: Feb 2017

For the warm welcome! You guys have already helped me more than you know over the years. I've learned so much here. I don't think of myself as strong, just a stubborn and tough old buzzard. I'm more of a realist than an optimist, but I'm all about humor. So my version of finding the positive is that it could be worse. At least I'm not pregnant (unless there's a new star in the East if you know what I mean). And in terms of losing my hair, honey this hair isn't the only thing keeping me from being Miss America, so it's not going to make me or break me either way. And I decided it would happen on my terms. I got the left side of my head shaved with a combover of the rest. I figured I'm kind of a badass, so I would get a badass haircut. 

Hopefully I can make contributions to the forum - things I've learned along the way or even little nuggets like the fact that at least I'm not pregnant. And I'm way excited to have so many new friends! 

JanJan63's picture
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Sounds great! We need humour on here as often as possible as well as good news. Not that it isn't okay to be negative or feel down or be in a bad place but positivity really helps, too.


Msboop15's picture
Posts: 83
Joined: Apr 2019

So sorry you lost your husband, especially in such a violent, sudden way. 

Yay! For “wimpy” cancer...sounds like that’s been a blessing... So glad you had that 2 year breaK from chemo.  Sorry to hear the current protocol is so challenging.  

Glad you came out of “lurk mode”...the idea of your bad *** haircut made me smile. 


beaumontdave's picture
Posts: 1170
Joined: Aug 2013

Welcome to the group, that's some rough road you've been on! Battling cancer and having your partner taken away like that, isn't something I want to even imagine. I lurked here for five years before it all seemed so much that I had to talk. I couldn't share the experience with regular friends and family either, there it felt like self-pity and wallowing, here it's your story and we all have one. Here you can express anything and it's accepted for what it is, a cathartic release of what we've carried around in our daily life. I'm glad you decided to join us........................................Dave

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