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crappy caregiver

Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2019

I feel like the worst caregiver ever. I get so angry and upset so easily. I wish I had more Grace to handle all this but I've never had to take care of anyone before like this. I've always been single, healthy and highly independent. Then I met my husband 5 years ago and we moved in together. I love him deeply but he's always been healthy and independent too. I never had children, so I've never had to take care of anyone but myself. I have been dealing with his Cancer for over 2 years now. From non stop doctor appointments, chemo, to chronically worrying he was going to die and leave me all alone in this world. It's so much. I do the best I can but I still get angry when something goes wrong. Why am I so angry??? Why can't I be gentle and loving. I love him so much it hurts, I don't know why I get so upset over the stupdest problems.

How can I take care of him with more Grace??

Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2019

Good morning,

Being a caregiver is very challenging regardless of whether you're used to caring for someone or not.  I have two children and am naturally a nurturing person but I am also very dependant on my husband for a lot of things.  Having to be more independent during the times when he can't do the things he normally does has been something I've had to learn to do, and most of the time I'm okay.  The biggest thing you can do to be a better caregiver to your husband is put yourself in his place and try to imagine how he's feeling.  Imanine if you were the one that had cancer and how you would feel if the things he has to deal with were happening to you. 

Also, if you had a friend you could talk to during the times when you feel the lowest, that would help as well.  Take little breaks and do things just for you.  Eat your favorite food, spend some time in total quietness and take a break from all of the noise of the voices of doctors and nurses.  Spend a little time doing things that you totally enjoy doing.  Being a caregiver is very stressful and requires a lot of emotional energy so if you could figure out effective ways to release and manage your stress, that would help you be more energized and emotionally prepared and able to handle the heavy stuff. 

Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2019

It is hard at times to be a caregiver, I think the worry is the worst part.  Luckily there are a lot of multiple myeloma treatments

that help much more than in the past.  We ask the doctor many questions and the nurse practioners too. Sometimes it helps to

see that your loved one is being well taken care of.  We have been dealing with Sloan Kettering in NYC and have had much support

and kindness talking to everyone there.  I know there are many fine hospitals in the United States, with multiple myeloma, sometimes

it is helpful to go to a larger hospital, since multiple myeloma is somewhat of a rare blood cancer. Try not to feel sad, as being a caregiver

can be very tough.  You are doing the best you can. It will be okay.







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