CSN Login
Members Online: 5

You are here

Back to work blues

hewhositsoncushions
Posts: 267
Joined: Mar 2017

So the dreaded moment came and I had to start back to work after six months off. I have to pay the bills but as with many places I have worked the new place is a bit of a childrens playground (gossip, cliques, etc.). Sadly a permanent job as I need the benefits but it takes a lot out of me dealing with it.

This plus the fact that the sheer number of people I know who have cancer (a friend my age, a relative, a dear friend who is more like a grandmother to me and is in her last days and several more) and the fact that I'm dealing with baggage and fresh fallout from a lifetime of idiotic actions caused by my mental health issues has left me in somewhat of a "hope is foolish on the scaffold" frame of mind.

I dearly want to jack my job in and pick up my side hustle of counselling but that has taken a big hit owing to my counselling group having to close.

It all seems a bit much to dig myself out of.

The only thing keeping me going is my loving wife and brilliant son.

Roast me.

H

Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3's picture
Max Former Hodg...
Posts: 3256
Joined: May 2012

Hewho,

Your mention of "on the scaffold" reminded me of the great Leon Russell hit, Tightrope:  

I'm up on the tightwire, flanked by life and the funeral pyre. 

Work is a 'four-letter word.'  When Adam was sentenced in the Garden, he was condemned to work with the sweat of his brow.   We would all prefer to lounge on the French Riviera....  Enjoy the song, it is the human experience, sick or well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2Z9qN8R9Bg

hewhositsoncushions
Posts: 267
Joined: Mar 2017

Max

Cheers - that made me smile. I will see you that and raise you Johhny Paycheck https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj2iGAifSNI

I think I needed to vent more than anything - I have a huge number of challenges I need to overcome in the next few months and I feel a bit overwhelmed having to deal with life on top of the uncertianty of this bloody disease.

[EDIT] I've kept these feelings from my OH because she has had to put up with enough over the years. Having somewhere to vent is a godsend.

H

Georges Calvez
Posts: 228
Joined: Sep 2018

Hi Cushions,

I am on a family visit and I have found a bottle of Jura whisky that was almost full.
It is now less full! :-)
When I get back to Quimper I am going to start looking for a job as well.
Maybe I have learnt to stop worrying and love life.

Best wishes,

Georges

hewhositsoncushions
Posts: 267
Joined: Mar 2017

Crippling social anxiety does not help

George - you have a PM

Georges Calvez
Posts: 228
Joined: Sep 2018

Hi H,

I used to be very shy and then I took up naturism, it really changed my personality.
I am not sure that I will be able to return to the naturist beach now.
One more regret to add to the pile.

Best wishes,

Georges

hewhositsoncushions
Posts: 267
Joined: Mar 2017

Sadly my anxiety goes far beyond shyness. It is a disease in its own right and has caused me a lot of issues. Anxiety plus cancer is well .. it sucks.

Subscribe to Comments for "Back to work blues"