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Some sort of PTSD

abita's picture
abita
Posts: 646
Joined: Dec 2017

Is this just me? No matter what I am going in for, chemo, scan results, whatever, I always have this fear in the back of my mind that he is going to tell me something is horribly wrong, and I must be hospitalized immediately, or that I have 2 weeks to live, or something along those lines. 

 

I am wondering if it is just me, because when I first went in with belly pain, i was there for 19 days, diagnosed, surgery, and total life altered, or because during one infusion, I reacted so bad that I passed out and the rapid response team took me to Emergency Dept, or if maybe it is something all of us deal with when we have an appt at the oncologist.

 

Going in to get my new treatment plan.

beaumontdave's picture
beaumontdave
Posts: 996
Joined: Aug 2013

Getting a cancer diagnosis changes your life, and for many, it's traumatic. I'd wager most on the blog have some level of PTSD. It does relate to over reacting to stressful stuff. I found mine, when Cindy was in the late stages of her illness, and mine was showing up for the third time. I couldn't handle things as small as an argument, I'd feel my anger and anxiety going through the roof. My son was in the throes of dealing with losing his mom, and while I understood, I had to tell him I wasn't going to deal with his anger and outbursts. I quietly explained that I couldn't deal with any conflict in my home, and if it happened again, he was gone. I would avoid conflict at any level for quite a while. Time, the breathing and mindfulness exercises, and occasionally a Xanax helped me cope. I feel passed most of it now, but a recurrance might likely bring some of that feeling back. It's real and requires a focused effort to counter, but the first step is being aware of it happening, which you are. Now find how you want to counter those feelings. If I could have afforded counselling, I would have pursued that, but all I could afford was some books, and that went a long way to helping me cope. Hope you find what works for you..........................................Dave

Melanie67's picture
Melanie67
Posts: 10
Joined: Jan 2019

I feel exactly the same way. Yesterday I felt like I could not even breathe.  And my next appointment/scans are not until mid May.  Last night I took 75 mg of CBD oil and melatonin and went to sleep.  I feel better today.  Not sure how I will feel tomorrow.

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

I know the feeling. I dread going to my appointments or tests. It always puts me in a darker place. It makes it so much more real. I use the expression that it puts it in my face.

Jan

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 892
Joined: Apr 2017

I think our sense of mortality is heightened.  I was told I had a large tumor after a colonocopy and nothing more.  I had to wonder if I would live weeks, months, or years.  Later, there was a false alarm that I potentially had another large tumor.  My course of chemo ended with what was likely a chemically induced heart attack.  Yes, mortality becomes much more real.  I think all of us on the board share the dread of new scans, tests and appointments.  You are in good company.  I guess all I can do is echo Dave's endorsement of meditation and living in the current moment.  The way I see it, this whole process is not fun, but it beats being dead.

Kazenmax's picture
Kazenmax
Posts: 357
Joined: Feb 2016

Yes there are times that it just sneaks up on me. Just before I fall asleep. And it’s sometimes not even about me. All of a sudden it grips me and I get afraid of losing my husband or my son or grandchildren or just to get a call late in the evening. Lord that can really put me in a scare. I think it has to be like PTSD. I’ve never been in a bad situation other than this cancer thing but now I get afraid of everything changing in a second. And yea, I guess that’s exactly what happened with my diagnosis. It’s a terrible shock to go from feeling uncomfortable with what you assumed was a hemorrhoid to stage whatever cancer.

When that happens I take a Xanax. Really I need it. Otherwise I will obsess until I can’t handle anything.

i went into the office for the first time in a long time. Everyone asking how I was doing. It was nice to have people care but it just brought it all back. Especially when you get the sympathetic looks. ;)

i hope you find a way to deal with this. It just accumulates if you ignore it. Sending love and calm your way.

k

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