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just sad

Ribbons's picture
Ribbons
Posts: 71
Joined: Jan 2019

Im having a down day and I am sad that no one on here has responded to my last post. I am done with chemo and I know I should be happy about that, and I am. But I am just so weak. I can't walk very well. We are dealing with a lot of deep icy snow and I have an ankle injury so those things don't help, but i wish I had some reassurance that this will get better, and some idea of when maybe?

CheeseQueen57's picture
CheeseQueen57
Posts: 781
Joined: Feb 2016

Sometimes the end of a routine, no matter how horrible it is, leaves you feeling like “what’s next”. I’m sure you’re eager to resume your old life but I’m afraid that will never be. We’ve all had to get used to our “new normal “ and oh how I hate that term. I found the fear of the cancer coming back overwhelming(It eventually did). I found talking to a psychologist very helpful just to clarify my thoughts and help me go on as a so called “cancer survivor”. It takes a long time to recover from chemo. I had a lot of set backs too (a stroke, a sacral fracture, optic neuropathy from a drug to name a few). And it seemed like every month it was something new. 3 years later I still don’t have the energy I had but it’s a lot better and I’m happy to be alive. Maybe you might want to talk to someone. I found it incredibly helpful. Just my thoughts. 

ConnieSW's picture
ConnieSW
Posts: 1415
Joined: Jun 2012

and I think it's normal. All of a sudden my life went from totally revolving  around medical appointments to being cut lose until a 6 week checkup. It was an adjustment. Also by the last cycle of chemo I was doing pretty much nothing but lying on my couch all day. I didn't even have the energy to read or watch tv. Luckily I was much improved within 3 weeks and pretty much back to normal in a couple months. I know not everyone is so lucky but let's hope you are. It's also a bit worrisome to think you aren't being as closely watched but you get over it. 

 

I think your your feelings are totally valid so just go with the flow. 

zsazsa1
Posts: 288
Joined: Oct 2018

Ribbons, Ribbons, you're not alone!  Transitions are always tough.  Do you have family or friends with you?  One thing I've learned from this, is that if I ask for help, people help me!  I was always so independent and strong my whole life.  Ask family for help.  Ask for visits from friends.  And if necessary, schedule a visit with your primary doc, about mental health issues.  People could certainly have PTSD-type depressive reaction to cancer and chemo.

barnyardgal
Posts: 197
Joined: Oct 2017

I'm sorry I didn't reply to your previous post. I didn't have those particular symptoms so I didn't know what to say that would be helpful. Last March I had my 6th chemo (adriamyacin) and I was really sick and felt awful. I kept getting sick and had trouble keeping anything down. The Dr stopped the chemo, have me a break, and then we started radiation. I started feeling better after 3 weeks or so. I still didn't have my usual energy, but that came back a few weeks after all the treatment was complete in June.

I still worry sometimes , but I am busy and feel great so I just try to push it in the back of my mind. It does get better.

janaes
Posts: 737
Joined: May 2016

I too know how you feel.  I didnt even want to celebrate finishing chemo until after 3 weeks had passed. I more wanted to celebrate that i wasnt going to have to get sick any more. So i waited until 3 weeks after chemo. 

Lots to overcome though even after that. During chemo at the end i was so down that i brushed my teeth in my bed. It took time to go back to how it was.  

It was hard but i still had to take things a day at a tme. I had to talk to someone also to help me through.

It did happen though. I was back to work with in about 5 or so weeks after chemo.  I still had to rest after 4 hours of work but slowly but surely my new normal was acceptable to me.  I remember one day walking to the corner of my block. The next day a little further until one day i was walking 3 times around the block.

You will get there.

BluebirdOne's picture
BluebirdOne
Posts: 191
Joined: Jul 2018

you were looking for. Big hugs. I am sick like a dog with what I hope is just a bad cold. 

 

xxoo

Denise

Tamlen's picture
Tamlen
Posts: 192
Joined: Jan 2018

Ribbons, I'm sorry you're feeling blue. I remember feeling that way too at the end of my last chemo (last September). I was so sick by the end of chemo that I couldn't even walk across the room or breathe properly and needed multiple blood transfusions to bring my hemoglobin back up. And when I went for my last infusion, they notified me that to keep me alive, they wanted to continue with the taxol/carbo indefinitely. It was a stunningly depressing thing to hear. Since I felt mostly dead anyway, I told them no, I would prefer to die than live unable to walk across the room or out of my house. I went home feeling like that was probably the end (I'm Stage IVB).

Then I started to feel better over the following weeks, as my body grew stronger. Then my gyn onc nixed the medical onc's ongoing chemo idea, told me I have a LOT more time ahead of me, that she has many more tricks up her sleeve, and we learned that chemo had a really good impact on the lung nodules (the only place I have nodules). The news from there continued to get better. By two months after chemo, I felt mostly like my old self again.

I hope your recovery follows a good trajectory, too. We're here for you either way.

LisaPizza's picture
LisaPizza
Posts: 207
Joined: Feb 2018

So glad you got better news. Really shows the importance of more than one opinion.

Ribbons's picture
Ribbons
Posts: 71
Joined: Jan 2019

I feel better today, I just needed a little feedback from others who have been through this.

janaes
Posts: 737
Joined: May 2016

I remember feeling guilty for having all the sad emotions after chemo and needing to come here for support. Everyone helped me not fill guilty which gave me the motivation to keep trying. 

Im glad you are feeling better today

ConnieSW's picture
ConnieSW
Posts: 1415
Joined: Jun 2012

i also remember being grateful to and gentle with my body. I found it amazing that it could deal with the cancer, surgery and chemo and still bounce back and serve me well, especially since I didn't always take good care of it. 

zsazsa1
Posts: 288
Joined: Oct 2018

Glad to hear you're feeling better, Ribbons.

Lulu7582's picture
Lulu7582
Posts: 112
Joined: Jun 2018

Oh my gosh yes Ribbons it is such a let down when you finish chemo....lots of mixed emotions not to mention the fatigue so please you aren't alone. It will get better...just take one day at a time. Hoping the sun shines for you in the next few days. Cold, dreary days don't help when we are feeling down. So I am sending you rays of sunshine and lots of love and hugs. Hang in there each day you will get stronger and start to feel more your usual self. xoxoxo

Northwoodsgirl
Posts: 506
Joined: Oct 2009

Sorry I didn‘t see your post before. Since the site crashed it isn’t always easy to see what’s new. As others have said it is an adjustment as you move into the surveillance phase of cancer treatment. I also felt a bit down. But within a few weeks I was feeling better. My GYN / ONC wisely told me to give myself a year and then I would know better what feeling good again could be. Allow yourself the time to grieve the trauma your body, mind and soul has been through in this battle against cancer....  ((Hug))

Lori

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