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What do you do with those people?

Butt's picture
Posts: 355
Joined: May 2018

Who are your friends and I mean most of them are very close friends. Those people who call you or text when it is convenient for them because they are concerned that I believe and need updates on your health? They expected to be filled in promptly and if you do not return their contact in a timely manner launch a further extensive communication attack under the umbrella of that they are concerned. They have questions and more questions. I understand that my close doctors friends love the questions but those who are not doctors act very similar. i feel like a customer service rep who needs to answer the questions and more questions. Any attempt to hint that it is no cool is not working because they all feel that they are special and need a special treatments and priveledges in comparison to other people. Again, I mean close friends. Butt.

Christy76's picture
Posts: 30
Joined: Feb 2019

I would nicely let them know that you do not feel comfortable telling them every tiny detail about your health and that you are more than your illness. I've mentioned on this board before that i am transgender. Although not exactly what you are going through when I first came out I got something similar. "So, do you intend to live as a woman?" "Do you intend to go through with bottom surgery?" "What 'parts' do you have?" "What hormones do you take?" "Can you live a 'normal' life?" Very rude questions asked out of "concern"

Some people were just being rude while others cared and didn't know how to express it. After a while I began changing to the subject in an attempt to let them know that there was more to me than being trans. "So Friday I'm going to see such and such movie." 'Work has yet again increased my hours, I never get a break." "Have you been to the center of town? They did a great job restoring those old buildings and repurposing them." The ones that were only there to see the "transgender show" eventually left while the people who cared began to understand that there was more to me than being trans.

You might try something like that with your cancer. Just change the subject to other things going on in your life. Complain about the weather, talk about that time you went fishing and caught the biggest fish in the river. Ask them how their husbands, wives and kids are doing. etc. Slowly it will dawn on them that you are more than your illness. You are not wearing a name tag that reads "Hello, my name is Cancer" you are a a human being with so much more to you than your illness and others need to respect that. Sometimes people have trouble seeing that though and need your help. I hope that makes sense.





Kazenmax's picture
Posts: 453
Joined: Feb 2016

What ever happened to none of ya business! I’ve not shared my health issues with many and if I don’t want to talk about it,I simply say so. People are morbid and curious. Human nature I guess but sometimes you just have to shut  them down. Remind them that curiosity killed the cat! 

Oh  I suppose I feel that way because I’m too old for nonsense. Lol. ive always said what I think....not always a good thing.

dont let that crap get to you. Just keep on keeping on.

sending my love to you both!


SandiaBuddy's picture
Posts: 1186
Joined: Apr 2017

One thing cancer has taught me is to focus very little on what other people think and to focus on what is important to me.  Sometimes bumper stickers have wisdom, and one I like is: "inquire within."

Lovekitties's picture
Posts: 3372
Joined: Jan 2010

You might want to try a site callled caringbridge.  There you post about your health and give access to your friends and family by letting them know the link.

You can tell them that this is their way to find out how you are doing.  If there are select folks you want to know more, then you communicate directly with them via other means.

Your one duty is to keep it updated...otherwise they will be calling or texting!

Marie who loves kitties

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