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anger/rage

kaykow
Posts: 5
Joined: Feb 2019

My husbands treatment has been over for 2 months. Lately he is nasty. He has anger/rage directed at me. He picks fights with me and blames me for everything. He has violent outbursts. His oncology team has been informed but they don't do anything. He really needs to be medicated.

Please do not tell me to hang in. I am at my breaking point. I cannot and will not hang in. He has not right to blame me for everything and he violent outbursts scare me.

I think I am headed for a divorce

 

 

 

 

 

 

hmcclae_98's picture
hmcclae_98
Posts: 3
Joined: Feb 2019

I've been in remission for just over 2 years now and still get this way. I don't have violent outbursts but the emotional effects cancer and chemo had on me were almost far worse than the physical aspect. How do you cope with something like that? How can one person possible cope, in a healthy manner, with the fact that something so horrible and disgusting is happening to them? A few days after I was diagnosed, before I even received my first treatment, my sister and I got into this biggest fight we've ever gotten into. Why? Because I had so much anger about the situation. I was so angry that God chose ME to do this to. I was angry that my life was going to be put on hold and that I was gonna be a 17 year old girl without any hair. I was angry that no matter how hard I tried, cancer was always gonna be attached to my name. And I needed someone to release that angry to. I needed to make someone feel the hurt that I had felt; feel the betrayal that I felt. I needed to be brutally honest with my words while also being hurtful so that MAYBE just MAYBE, for even half a second, someone could maybe understand where I was coming from. 

LunaLady
Posts: 25
Joined: Mar 2019

KayKow I am in the same position.  I was considering divorce before my husband's diagnosis for other reasons.  When he was diagnosed, I put all of that, and myself, back on a shelf and focused on what he needed.  The result is that after 2 years, and a new diagnosis of metastisized lung cancer, I am still here.  However, it is not me he is taking his anger out on.  He has focused on our 16 year old son and what he feels is disrespect.  Our son is having his own issues and it is just not working well between them.

I have tried telling myself that part of why he lashes out is he feels safe doing it at home.  We will understand that he is afraid and worried about his future and possibly facing his own mortality.  But after a while, that doesn't work anymore.  He is not recognizing that he is not the only one dealing with the diagnosis.  And as a result, relationships with me and our younger kids is being damaged. 

I have my youngest son in counseling and my youngest daughter (technically an adult) is supposed to be setting up an appointment.  I will be for myself as well.  We have to do what is best for us and I have to do what is best for my children. 

I hope you find the path best for you and find peace for yourself.  We can't control the other person but we can control ourselves.  I have seen others that say they are holding on and trying to find ways to make this work.  I understand your feelings and that sometimes, what is best, is to let go.

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