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Why is my dads oncologist so negative?

MAMAJR
Posts: 22
Joined: Jan 2018

Can someone help me? my dad has stage 4 colon. since he has a heart condition and diabetes his oncologist said no surgery to remve the tumoR. Long story short he started getting many obstructions and couldn’t continue in and out of the hospital. He ended up getting the surgery and it was a huge success. all cancer removed from colon. Now he only has the module in a lung and one in his liver. Since the time in the hospital with no chemo the liver module grew a little.  has since started chemo to see if it will start To shrink the the liver and lung nodules. But his oncologist is constantly telling him this may not work and theres nothing else I can do if it doesn’t shrink them. this has been his type of conversation since he diagnosed my dad almost 1 year ago. i even asked him “what about those people that have stage 4 colon and live many years?” He said it’s very rare. Please someone give me some hope or is it just me being naive thinking he can live long with stage 4 colon?

Butt
Posts: 70
Joined: May 2018

As a medical professional he had to exersise precautions due to his pre-existing conditions. Indeed, chemo may not work for everyone, especially in a long term run. Yes, it is indeed very rear that people with stage 4 live for many years. Butt.

MAMAJR
Posts: 22
Joined: Jan 2018

I understand but sometimes just little hope can go a long way. I just wish he was just a little more positive 

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 5729
Joined: Feb 2009

Sometimes its a good choice to get a second opinion especially when you are not happy with the attitude or direction the doctor is taking you (father).  No current doctor should ever question a second opinion so now is a good time to start.

Kim

MAMAJR
Posts: 22
Joined: Jan 2018

Thank you so much for taking time to respond where do I go for a second opinion? Do I just search for another oncologist in my area or a well known cancer center?

abrub's picture
abrub
Posts: 2028
Joined: Mar 2010

If you can get a consult at one of the major cancer centers, that would likely be best.

Alice

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 5729
Joined: Feb 2009

Opinions are best outside of your network like Abrub stated above.  Most of your in network results are all shared through their computers.  It's good to get an outside view if your insurance allows.  Unfortunately mine doesn't allow that so make sure whoever you go through they take your insurance.  Good luck.

Kim

Twinzma
Posts: 154
Joined: Jan 2018

I would consider seeing another oncologist and see if they have any other options. There are many MANY treatements out there, the problem lies in wheather of not someone would take the chance with a high risk patient or not. I am so sick of these idiot doctors with the God complex. They should prepare you for the worse and be guarded with talking about outcome but they should not be talking for all doctors you need in this journey. Your father needs a team not a one man show. Yes stage 4 is a grime diagnosis, but rather than saying it is "rare" He should say that it is possible for some patients to overcome. Your Dad needs to hold on to that hope that some patients do get through this. He has one lung and one liver nodule no that's not good but it can be beat!  Stay positive around your Dad he needs it. Positive thoughts do help in the healing process. Please look for a cancer center where he can get that team behind him. Hugs love, I am praying for you and your Dad! 

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 503
Joined: Apr 2017

I had an oncologist who was very unpleasant.  Every visit to him was a trial.  So I switched to another who is a pleasure to deal with.  When medical treatment is a matter of life or death, it makes sense to me that the patient have a physician that he likes and trusts.  Perhaps it is time for a change.

plsletitrain
Posts: 266
Joined: Jul 2017

That's very important to me so if I feel that instead of beating this, I'll be carrying a heavy feeling with me because of my oncologist, I'll find another one that will help me with this battle.  I'm sure there are some who wouldn't want to sugarcoat things, but you have to note that our emotions are vulnerable and kinda weak because of the impact of the diagnosis (especially a stage 4 diagnosis) so negative thoughts aren't helpful at all. I agree with the others, perhaps find another oncologist you're comfortable with.

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