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Am I wrong?

Twinzma
Posts: 226
Joined: Jan 2018

My husbands family is driving me to the brink of insanity! His brother I ended up blocking his number because I can not listen to him anymore. Everytime he visits or calls he is drunk beyond control and he starts babbling that he can't loose his brother, he would have to step up and raise the boys, that it's becomng real now that my husband is losing his hair. He proceeds to make up his own illnesses to the point I don't know if it is real or fantasy anymore. He is claimming now the stent in his heart has collapsed and it can not be repaired. I don't beleive this, I barely belive that he has one in the first place. He does not carry a serial number on him that would have been provided. When I asked if he was on blood thinners he claimed he can't afford them, I offered to pick them up for him and pay for them and he responds he doesn't need them with his kind of stent. Sounds like another lie to me. 

He's a raging alcholic, but won't quit drinking. He insists that if something happens he will have to raise the boys then. Over my cold dead body! I have drafted up my will to reflect under no circumstances that he is to get custody. He has been arrested for domestic violence, DUI's out the wazoo and NO he will not take my kids if something happens to the both of us. 

Last night, put me over the top. He called, drunk slurring his speach, and was crying how real it is now that my husband is losing his hair. That he has special blood that could help my husband and that he would take his own life so he can have it. He babbled that he was going to come see us everyday because he needs to spend time, unlike his mother or sister. He was saying all kinds of crazy and depressive things. I told him flat out I am being held together with tape and glue, did not need to hear his sh** and hung up immediatley blocking his number.

I meant it when I said I am being held together with tape and glue right now. Is it wrong of me though to shut his brother out? This morning I feel guilty about it. But I am sick and tired of everyone on his side of the family crying on my shoulders. This is my husband, the father of my children and I don't have the willpower to lend any more support. I can't have his family expecting me to give comfort as I have NO ONE comforting me. Am I wrong? Should I support them emotionally too even though they are toxic? 

 

 

cheatinlil's picture
cheatinlil
Posts: 194
Joined: Jun 2014

Twinzma, I'm so sorry you are here.  I do not think you are wrong.  You have to do what's best for your and your husband.  The brother is not helping.  He is making it worse. I'm sorry I have to log off now but I wanted to write you back real quick since this section of the forum board is not very active.  Hugs to you!!!

GingerMay's picture
GingerMay
Posts: 134
Joined: Sep 2016

I too am sorry about the situation you have had to deal with. No, I do not think you are wrong at all. In fact, I think what you did was very smart.  You need to preserve your sanity (well, as much as any of us can) and part of that includes keeping an environment in your life with your husband and yourself that supports health and peace. Dysfunctinal people will only take that away from us. You do not owe it to anyone to support their emotional needs, especially a full grown man.  Let him deal with his issues and focus on yourself and your husband.     

Twinzma
Posts: 226
Joined: Jan 2018

I really appreciate both of you, the guilt has been eating away at me for days now. But I have noticed I am a lot more calm when the phone rings, I am no longer worried what the latest shannigans are. 

a_oaklee
Posts: 526
Joined: Nov 2013

You are not wrong.  It's impossible to have a coherant conversation with someone under the influence.  I wouldn't talk to him either in that condition.  

I know some caregivers have used a website to update concerned relatives and friends.  You post what you want to share, and spares you all the phone calls.  Maybe one of the people here know the name of the site.  

You are very wise to make sure you have things in order for your children.

feckcancer
Posts: 123
Joined: Jun 2018

Honestly the last thing you need at the moment is a drunken selfish prick taking up your precious time with his drunken ramblings. What's happening now is not about him, it's about you & your husband & family & the people that love & care for you but addicts/alcoholics always make everything about them. don't waste the time of day on him. he is unimportant & upsets you. if he really cared he wouldn't be doing this. plus i really believe stress can lead to cancer so remove as many stresses (him) as you can from your life as you need to be healthy . xx

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