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New Caregiver responsibility

saint71's picture
saint71
Posts: 7
Joined: Sep 2018

I am scared for my husband everyday.  I love him so much and trying to help him all i can.  This is new and a nightmare.  My husband apologizes to me and I tell him it is not his fault.  I try to make sure he eats and be supportive for him.  There are days that I want to cry all day.  There are days I see him teary eyes and I just hug him and let him know we will get through this together. He just started chemo and next appointment it will be chemo/Immunotherapy.  He is scared but I did a lot of reading and he has a chance even at stage 4. The Oncologist told him the same thing.  It is a long battle but  also wanting the will to survive.  He wants to live and wants a future with me.  It is just so tough at times.  

cheatinlil's picture
cheatinlil
Posts: 194
Joined: Jun 2014

So sorry you are here.  The caregiver section is not very active :(  My husband has had stage 4 kidney cancer for 4 years and he is still doing well for the most part.  What type of cancer is it?  You are not alone.  Sending you cyber hugs.  You will learn a lot and gain stregnth you never new you had.  It is a tough road.  Hang in there!!! Take good care of you and your hubby!!!

saint71's picture
saint71
Posts: 7
Joined: Sep 2018

He has lung cancer adrenocarcinoma stage 4.  They are doing chemo and he will be starting Immunotherap.

 

GingerMay's picture
GingerMay
Posts: 134
Joined: Sep 2016

Saint, I am sorry you are here but you are not alone with what you are feeling. As Cheatin says, I also wish this section of the site was more active, but I am here and happy to participate even if I am only a voice of one.    

It is overwhelming for sure. The range of emotions in any one minute is exhausting. Crying helps and sometimes just starring at a wall and letting your mind not really think about anything for a few minutes help too. It sounds like you are a good caregiver to your husband. My husband tells me he's sorry too and it breaks my heart.     

Everyone says to practice self-care, which is mostly impossible. But, anything little thing you can do that replenishes your energy will help for the long term. Feel free to keep posting here too since many of us understand and are going through similar. 

   

saint71's picture
saint71
Posts: 7
Joined: Sep 2018

My husband had his 2nd chemo and the side effects are a bit blurry vision and pain where the cancer is at tumor and some lymph nodes.  I did let the Physics Asst know and she said told me to get my husband to the emergency room to make sure his heart is okay by running tests.  He first went to the hospital about 4 weeks ago due to fluids surrounding his heart and they had to drain it. My husband does not want to go to the emergency room.  He says he is fine and I am overreacting.  He does not want to share anymore of what he is feeling with me and claims that i am getting paranoid. I don't know what to do now.  

 

 

 

a_oaklee
Posts: 526
Joined: Nov 2013

Hi.  I understand the frustration of feeling helpless.  It took me a long time to somewhat come to terms with honoring my husbands choices of when to seek help.  I would want to go to the doc, and he wants to tough it out.  I keep telling myself that it's his life to make his own decisions regarding healthcare.  I sympathize with how you are feeling of not knowing what to do.

GingerMay's picture
GingerMay
Posts: 134
Joined: Sep 2016

I struggle with that too. I used to think I had to make all the right decisions then realized it is his body, his illness, his journey, and he can still make his own decisions. I tell him my thoughts about  the pros and cons, then I keep quiet. When I pushed for my way he only got argumentive and pushed me away. I guess that was his way of telling me to back off. I realized my role is best served as supporting him through this journey and being a sounding board as he makes his own decisions. If I do not agree, I respectfully speak my mind, then let it go if my husband choses another way. I'm not even sure if I know if my is "better" until afterward since hindsight is 20/20. It all seems to just be a gut feeling.   

As a spouse, it is hard to know what is best. I can only suggest listen to your heart and to the signals your husband gives you both verbally and non-verbally. I don't think there's a "one size fits all" approach to this.  

 

  

gkamantigue
Posts: 2
Joined: Sep 2018

I, too, am a new caregiver for my husband recently diagnosed with colon cancer. It’s hard. all this is new to me. I feel overwhelmed, angry, afraid, guilty. We can get through this together. Message me whenever you need to vent, cry, laugh or just get things out. I understand. 

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