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Dating/Intimacy

wml60
Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2018

Hi everyone...I am an 8 year Prostate Cancer survivor...I am proud and thankful to the High Heavens for that...I finally started dating ater all this time...so...how do you tell someone you had it...and that you have ED because of it...? I have not been able to get an erection since my surgery...not that I've tried...sometimes I wake up in the night and I'm "firm." Took Levitra once and nothing happened. So...how do you tell that to someone you really like...? I appreciate everyone's responses and good luck to you all...

G53
Posts: 33
Joined: Jul 2018

First of all your friend may become uncertain because of the cancer diagnosis. How long will the man live? How sick will he get if the cancer progresses? Is this the relationship I was looking for?

Regarding sex, many woman will accept to have sex without penetration. Many men have ED without having prostate cancer. However, some women are uncertain if the man can really, truly love here if he cannot penetrate. Will he always be unsatisfied with this kind of sex without penetration?

A pump or Trimix could be used to firm.

G53

Clevelandguy
Posts: 462
Joined: Jun 2015

Hi wml60,

First of all congrats on 8 yrs. with no reutrn of the bandit.

I would take a simpler approach and just tell her if you think the relationship will progress to the intimate state, she is bound to find out sooner or later.  If she really loves you and you can talk to her there are several ways you can both satisfy each other with out having penetrating sex.  If it was me and she was interested just in having penetrating sex then that relationship would not last to long.  Hopefully when you are older a relationship should be more than just sex in my opinion.

 

Dave 3+4

wml60
Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2018

Thank you Clevelandguy...appreciate it...

Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3's picture
Max Former Hodg...
Posts: 3309
Joined: May 2012

Wml, how old are you ?  I am thinking "60" is a code for your age, but uncertain of course.

I agree with the others that you just tell this woman.  If it is a dealbreaker for her, then she was not the right deal to begin with.  Most guys in our approximate age range are already have some ED issues anyway, so it should not be much of a shock to any educated woman. If she is around 60 also, she is way past menopause, which affects women's sex drive dramatically also.  It might be of little significance to her, or maybe it is.  But there is only one way to find out: discuss it.

wml60
Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2018

Thank you Max...I am 58...60 is the year I was born. I was thinking about this today...my problem is not really a "problem." As I said earlier, I am very, very, very etc. thankful that I've been free of it for 8 years. And you are correct with all your points. I appreciate that.

lighterwood67's picture
lighterwood67
Posts: 211
Joined: Feb 2018

8 years no bandit in sight, congratulations.  Well, sooner or later the issue is going to come up, one would think.  If I was in your shoes, I would just tell her.  I would consider that part of the relationship, full disclosure.  Especially, if both of you are getting serious about this relationship. I have only been married to the same woman for 47 years and dated her 2 years prior to that.  What could I possibly know?  Oh by the way, I had my RP; 8 pelvic lymph nodes removed; and a bladder neck reconstruction in March 2018.  Good luck to you in your relationship.

 

 

 

wml60
Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2018

Thank you lighterwood67...thinking good thoughts for you...

cbviau
Posts: 22
Joined: May 2017

I'm very happy you have reached the 8-year NED mark.  That's wonderful.  I am an anal cancer survivor and just reached my 5-year NED graduation (so-to-speak).  I am also a senior woman so I do have some experience with life and relationships and, more recently, health issues.  Over the course of time, I have learned that men have feelings just like women do.  We are alike in that area and that is okay.

Fear of rejection is valid but it's not conclusive.  Be honest.  Talk to this woman.  If you both are on the same mental wave length, honesty should make your relationship even stronger.  And besides, when you get to be our age/s, I think companionship is the big key to the door of happiness.  Also ... you never know ... she may have a health concern that she is afraid to bring up to you because of her own fear of rejection.  I firmly believe that honest living, without restraint, is practical and gives rise to a clear conscience.  Yep! the truth we share about ourselves sets us free.

Spiritual hugs to you both.

CB

Old Salt
Posts: 720
Joined: Aug 2014

To get a a viewpoint from the other side. Thanks for posting!

cbviau
Posts: 22
Joined: May 2017

You are welcome.

wml60
Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2018

Thank you very much CB...appreciate your wisdom. Best of luck to you...

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