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Scared, Need Encouragement

AMKing
Posts: 6
Joined: Aug 2017

I've had ovarian twice, breast once, and myleodisplastic syndrome. I've been in so much pain the last five months, but the last week was major, major pain. It really scared me. Just feeling shaken up and scared, plus disappointed in myself for losing my confidence in God. I'm disappointed that I can't seem to make any improvement in my health no matter how much I pray. Anyone feel this way before?

Thanks.

Mavish
Posts: 66
Joined: Aug 2017

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I am a head and neck cancer survivor. After surgery and high dose of radiotherapy, (2 years ago) it appered that my tissues are more sensitive to radiotherapy than majority, as a result I had deep and big ulsers in my mouth and throath. It took year and a half to heal. I was not able to eat and talk because of pain although I was on morphine. 

At that time I felt exactly the way you are feeling now. Lost confidence in God. Even felt that I had been punished by Him. I had depression. I was teribly scared. Three things helped me. 1.  I start seeing a psycosocial oncologist who put me on antidepression medication. 2. I frequently met with a precious friend who is a breast cancer survivor and a minister and strong believer. She several times repeat to me that God loves me and always answer our prayers. Sometimes in a different way than we expected. Encouraged me to continue to pray. We prayed together. 3. I have participated mindfulness based cognitive treatment sessions( MBCT). They helped reduce the pain and depression. 

Unfortunately God is not promising a life without bumps. We do not know why? Sometimes I find difficult to understand God's plans for us. I think it is Ok to question God's plans for us. 

My strategy is to use all the resourses that could comfort me (antidepresants, painkilers, phsychiatrists, support groups anything). God uses other people and vehicles to answer our prayers.

I will be praying for you. 

AMKing
Posts: 6
Joined: Aug 2017

Thanks so much Mavish. I appreciate you r understanding and advice!   God bless!

Do_Positive's picture
Do_Positive
Posts: 3
Joined: Aug 2018

Hello AMKing.  As a fellow survivor of multiple disgnoses and nearly double digit operations, it sure is hard isn't it?  

 

What you're feeling is not just normal, it's near impossible not to feel.  Remember that everything you've been through, that you're going through and that you will conquer shows unparalleled strength within you.  I'd like to share a little something that not only worked for me but has changed my life.  We have so many thoughts, fears, questions and feelings that go through us in these situations that sometimes we lose sight of how incredibly amazing we are as people.  I began waking up every day, opening my eyes and doing something positive for myself.  It doesn't matter what it is - eat a piece of fruit and nourish myself, do whatever physical activity I can handle to strengthen my body, start making a change from a bad habit, spend a moment doing something that I truly enjoy - it really doesn't matter as long as it's a positive step forward to ME.  Then I meditate on my previous days activities, mentally listing all of the ways that I contributed to our world in a positive way yesterday.  Then I smile and take a physical step forward.  There is something incredibly empowering and strengthening about DOING.  Prayer and faith are wonderful things but we cannot forget that faith in OURSELVES is just as important.  I wish you all the best and will leave you with this - don't forget to think, laugh and cry today.  

AMKing
Posts: 6
Joined: Aug 2017

Thanks so much for the good advice! I will try that! God bless!

Twinzma
Posts: 226
Joined: Jan 2018

My husband is the one with cancer, I am just his caretaker. I just wanted to say, don't feel bad about being losing your confidence in God. He did give you the impossible to face. Even Jesus Christ said "My God My God why have you foresaken me?". It's okay if you question him and it's okay if you are angry with him. He still knows you love him! Now stop beating yourself up over it. There are days where I question my faith and it's okay, it's hard not to sometimes when you are faced with so many tribulations. As long as you still believe in him, you are going to be good in his eyes. It's when you write him off or worse turn to the other side you have a problem. God loves you, he just has a sick way of showing it sometimes! Even God is not perfect he makes mistakes just like us too. I will put you in my prayers. Prayers for your healing both physically ans spiritually. Hugs! 

AMKing
Posts: 6
Joined: Aug 2017

Thanks very much for the prayers and taking time to answer my questions.

jeniliz15
Posts: 3
Joined: Oct 2018

im an RN, avid runner, beachbum, and weight lifter so being knocked out of my physical body was a huge adjustemnt and ego crusher, especially not being able to work.  as part of my vow, i would go to the gym every day i felt good enough to drag myslef there, but on the days i couldnt  I would literally do "mind work outs", where id go through my exercises in my mind while listening to guided mediattions.  im  HUGE believer the practice of visualizing perfectly clear in my mind where i wanted to be after tretments and always thought of myslef as already recovered is what got me through the days of dragging myself out of bed just to use the bathroom, and got me at the place im at now. i am only 2 months later with fuzz on my head and being back to work full time.  mindfulness and being present in your own recover is a superstrong tool to get us through!  never loosing sight of what matters most in life; KEEPING HOPE, love, joy, alive is possible through meditation and mindfullness.   if anyone has any questions on mindfulness and mediation to assist with getting through any of the rough stuff that comes with cancer, let me know!!! 

xoxo  peace love and recovery!!

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