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Caregiver/What to expect

aprild2178
Posts: 3
Joined: Aug 2018

My name is April. On June 29th my mother-in-law went to the doctor because she hadn't been feeling good all week (she was still working)and wanted to get something for her stomach before she had to go back to work on monday. The clinic was full and it was the end of the day so they had her go over to the emergency room. They did some tests and scans. She called her husband to let him know. He is legally blind. He called my husband to tell him she was in the emergency room. So we went out there. When we go there she said she was feeling better and they had given her an anti acid in an IV and now she was fine now. So we started to leave and the nurse stopped us and said we might want to stay and here what the doctor had to say. The doctor showed us an image that showed she had masses in her uterus, liver and stomach. We took her for a biopsy on July 13th. She was diagnosed with stage 4 uterine cancer. They told us she would have only a few months without treatment and maybe 2 to 3 times that with treatment. She dicided to do the treatment. On July 23rd she had a chemo treatment and that day and the next she felt amazing. But the next day she didn't even want to get out of bed. She was having trouble using her cell phone and the microwave. So I called her nurse. She told me she was dehydrated and to make sure she drank enough fluids. Early the next morning she fell and was taken to the hospital to check for injuries. The doctor said they found swelling in her brain and was concered that the cancer had spread there. She didn't want to go back home so I took her home with me and the next day( August 1st.) we went for an MRI. It showed one large and one small mass in her occipital lobe. They recommended Hospice. She has been staying with us since then. We are having some family conflict because she wants to stay here. Her other son and her husband want her to go home. It seems like they blame me for here wanting to stay here. I do want her to stay here because her husband can't take care of her and my house is set up better for using a walker which she feels better using to get around. I'm looking for insights on what to expect as we get closer to the end.

Sorry so long. Thanks 

Armywife's picture
Armywife
Posts: 266
Joined: Feb 2018

I'm so sorry to hear of this.  I can't offer you any advice, but will pray for peace and harmony in your family.  I'm sure everyone is scared and grieving, and that makes it hard to move forward.  

aprild2178
Posts: 3
Joined: Aug 2018

Thank You

Jairoldi's picture
Jairoldi
Posts: 197
Joined: May 2017

Hi April,

I am a current member (Uterine Papillary Serous Carcinoma) and cared for my mom through her battle and eventual loss to a brain tumor near the occipital lobe.  I will write a more detailed answer this evening and send it via the personal message portion of this site.

Best,

Jayne

aprild2178
Posts: 3
Joined: Aug 2018

Thank You Laughing

LisaPizza's picture
LisaPizza
Posts: 207
Joined: Feb 2018

I'm so sorry, I know what it's like. A couple years ago we lost my father to brain cancer (assumed glioblastoma), 5 weeks from diagnosis to death. We took him straight home on hospice, per his wishes, and cared for him ourselves. Hospice still provided help when needed, and can provide 24 hour care if needed, we just chose to do it ourselves. It's important to accept all the help you can, because it's very hard on you physically and emotionally. But it's also very rewarding to be there for someone you love. It's hard to be more specific because everyone will have different symptoms and issues.

 

We did have some very similar issues about where he would stay. There's no easy answer when not all family are in the same area. We just do the best we can.

 

Hugs.

NoTimeForCancer's picture
NoTimeForCancer
Posts: 2547
Joined: Mar 2013

dear april, in my opinion, it should be all about her.  If you have the ability to take care of her, then fabulous.  Is it possible for her husband to join her in your house?  Imagine how he would want to be with her and not having the ability to get to her.  I truly understand his distress.

You and your family are certainly in my prayers.  

Northwoodsgirl
Posts: 506
Joined: Oct 2009

April, I am sorry that your mother-in-law and your family have been given this devastating diagnosis. This type of anticipatory grief brings out the worst in the family dynamics. Not uncommon. 

If your mother in law is still cognitively able to she should make an advanced directive which will let the healthcare system and her family know what her wishes are.

Legally I think her husband has the final say on where your Morher-in law lives out her remaining days. Help can be brought in through hospice and hospice volunteers so your father-in law can care for her. You can also talk with a hospice social worker or hospice nurse about the family dynamics.

Your Mother inlaw may not weigh in on her preferences because she just is too sick or doesn’t want to disappoint you or others. FMLA is leave without pay which you and your husband may be eligible for. Keeping your mother inlaw safe is the first priority and comfortable comes next. Again, please know the stress your are going through requires you to take care of yourself too. You are an angel to offer to care for your mother inlaw in her last days. God bless ....

Lori

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