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Book: "I'm Dead, Now What?"

derMaus's picture
derMaus
Posts: 561
Joined: Nov 2016

I'm also an child, divorced, no kids, live alone, and closest family is 2+ hrs away, so I do worry about slippage in the gears if I were to...ahem...fall into a ditch sometime soon. Or become incapacitated. Eldri's post reminded me of that, and of a book I got for $10 on Amazon. The title, "I'm Dead, Now What" appealed to my sarcastic sense of humor, but I checked it out and wound up buying it. There are a lot of other versions out there, many no doubt free (or so say the reviews), but I leave it sitting out and the title always reminds me to jot things down as I remember them.

One of the things I added was a printout all my passwords and logon names as it was too long to hand write. My computer is set to auto-populate all that stuff but if you never even tried to log on, you'd never know I had an account. My close friends know how important this board has been to me, and hopefully would remember to post any updates, but I want to make everything as easy as possiblewhen the time comes (hopefully not for YEARS). I can add notes like "Notify gardener and give him $ xx"; "Vet records are located in bottom drawer of file cabinet", etc. I leave it lying out because the title is a little startling every time I see it, and it reminds me to jot things down as I remember them. Some of it's stuff that I even forget now, so it's nice to have my info dump all in one place. Now if I can just remember to keep it updated...

CheeseQueen57's picture
CheeseQueen57
Posts: 936
Joined: Feb 2016

I have moments of trying to control all aspects of what happens when I’m gone down to planning my funeral service. I’m not exactly sure what drives that. 

Donna Faye's picture
Donna Faye
Posts: 430
Joined: Jan 2017

I think I have a rather casual attitude about the end as I had to decide what needed to be done 20+ years ago when I got a grim prognosis of BC. At 55, I was determined to be sure my 3 adult children but 2 still in college, did not have to struggle as my best friend's had to when she left no will or instructions. In the past 20 years, I have had to rewrite my will so many times( good, huh?) and change the POA, etc.  again and again based on where I lived or where the son or daughter lived.  And as the grandchildren kept coming !

This time at 78, I was more determined to have things my way for sure. I have 3 books that I have found very informative and have now got all my ducks in a row. I spoke with my primary doc recently and he was so pleased that I was asking for a MOST form and as he said, "being proactive".  Here are the names of the books should you be interested. I have always been a control driven person, so my children just laugh now and say "whatever". 

Living Fully, Dying Well; To Die Well; How to Get the Death You Want.  Now that I have read all 3, I have donated them to the local library and am enjoying every day as I am NED for the time being. Going to my 60th HS reunion in 2 weeks.I am going to live fully until the time comes when I cannot. 

Our age and our family conditions are all different and we each have to find what gives us the most peace. If you read my first post in Jan. 2017, I was asking if others had foregone chemo and radiation as I was leaning that way. Then decided after hearing from so many of you to do the treatments. Same song, second time around in 2018. Did what docs and you advised and now am enjoying some NED time. It is my hope that everything we share helps someone who maybe can share with us but not with others. Or just needs to hear what brings comfort to you or me and others. 

Hugging all of you ! DF

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1479
Joined: Oct 2015

I agree, we need to be prepared. Before we left for Florida we sat down with our lawyer to make a lot of decisions.  I also made my funeral plans.  My husband wouldn't do it,  but I found out I can be cremated and buried with my beloved grandparents. I've written letters to our kids and grandkids and, of course,  my husband.  I have a cheat sheet of accounts and passwords although my husband is not exactly computer literate. Life is uncertain and although I plan on living a long time I've seen enough on this board to know that may not happen.  I am not religious but sure hope there is more to this, but, if not, I'm ok with that too. There is nothing left on my bucket list either so I just live one day at a time, enjoying life as I go along. 

Love ,

Eldri 

NoTimeForCancer's picture
NoTimeForCancer
Posts: 2915
Joined: Mar 2013

Years after dx, my boss asked me if I had created a will because of, and since the dx, of cancer.  We have weird conversations sometimes, and he felt akward, but I am pretty straightforward if you ask.  I'll tell you if I don't want to share, or pivot the conversation to his favorite topic:  him.  I told him I really did think about it.  Like you, B, I live alone, no kids, family is hours away.  I realize I need to do it, but have not.  My mom did a lot of things when she was alive so it would be very easy for us all when she died, and for which we are all very appreciative of.  

Dying is part of living, as Jim Morrison's biography stated, "No one here gets out alive".  I hate to break it to the kids who work around me, but they are going to get old someday too. 

Interesting topic.  

derMaus's picture
derMaus
Posts: 561
Joined: Nov 2016

The Lizard King really said it best, didn't he? I love that quote and use it often but only us of a certain age get it, I think. Likely everyone else thinks it's from Shakespeare, or Bruno Mars. I did create a holographic, i.e. handwritten, will before my first surgery. It was quick and dirty but I had it notarized so it would stand up in court if the need came. Here in California an attorney does NOT have to do a will, although obviously I'm doing one for my trust (aka probate avoider tool).

CheeseQueen57's picture
CheeseQueen57
Posts: 936
Joined: Feb 2016

My husband and I had done all that-will, advance directives, power of attorney, etc way before I got sick and I’m glad we did. Our son is an only child and we wanted to make it easer for him. Also I’m glad we did because we often travel together and needed to have directives in case something happened to all 3 of us. 

derMaus's picture
derMaus
Posts: 561
Joined: Nov 2016

Good for you, Susan ! I'm sure your son and others appreciate your forethought. 

janaes
Posts: 800
Joined: May 2016

This an interesting topic. Sometimes i dont like to think about dieing. Sometimes i feel like i need to. When i had my cat scan the day before my hysterectomy, i was given a bunch of papers that helped me to know what to do to prepare for death. I was only 43 uears old and had and still have young kids. That fact and because my dad especially didnt want me gone because of those two facts, caused me to fight my cancer. I made it through

 I think with me getting skin cancer( it was pretty simple to get rid of) last spring caused me to think about making plans. I have talked about it a bit more since then

 I havent done much other than talking about it. Forty five is quite young still.  I do have to admit because i am divorced and just live with my kids, i do worry about suddenly dieing. I have to also admit that the other day i thought about my kids and the money i have in my savings acount. I too am the only one that knows my bank info. I want that to be the case while im alive, but thought there would be no one who would have acces to my money.

Im glad to here i am not the only one who has thought these things. Maybe ill right that stuff some time

 Janae

 

Armywife's picture
Armywife
Posts: 452
Joined: Feb 2018

What is it about me that feels like if I update my marked-up little password book (which no one could possibly understand but me), I'll suddenly become non-essential and die?  It's like I think that as long as I don't update my will and organize things, I HAVE to be here.  I'm shaking my head at myself as I type this.  I've always been a perfectionist and a procrastinator stuffed into the same fluffy body, but this is new heights, baby.

derMaus's picture
derMaus
Posts: 561
Joined: Nov 2016

New heights baby, indeed ! What a great phrase. I'm about like you in approach, so that's why I love the title - it pokes me right in the eye, every time. Oddly, after my hospital stay, I feel like having things in order is liberating - I can get on with my life, whatever's left of it, having fun rather than tying up loose ends (sez she who is going tomorrow to sign her will...). Glad you enjoyed! derMaus/B

ConnieSW
Posts: 1576
Joined: Jun 2012

make it her "won't". I want you around for years and years and years. 

derMaus's picture
derMaus
Posts: 561
Joined: Nov 2016

Thanks Connie, that's so sweet of you! I share your goal of my being around for years and years....and extend it to all of us here !!

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