bloating,gas, diarrhea, weak bones and joint pain

April made 3 years of completion of radiation stage 3 cancer. i have diarrhea everyday. it has gotten better. i used to wear a diaper how embarrasing when you are young and attractive, single and wanting to date. Its embarrassing to go to dinner and then have to poop without enough time to get to a toilet. I try to eat vegan raw foods diet primarily. although im not 100% better I'm happy that i can have a somewhat normal life. If i go out with friends i drive my own car and i keep a towel close by in case i poop on myself. i used to cry because of it but now i have just gotten used to it. I used to bleed with my bowel movements no matter what i ate but now its only if i eat heavy solid foods like meat. I am having arthiritis symptoms in every joint of my body. I juice a piece of tumeric everyday to give me relief. (it helped). 

 

I guess the radiation made my bones weak b/c i fracture, tear, break and sprain easily. so i have to be very careful when working out.

 

I tried the dialators but it hurt excruciating and besides being painful i hated seeing the blood it reminded me of how i knew i had cancer in the first place the abnormal vaginal bleeding. clots all day. I ended up getting 2 blood transfusions.

 

oh yeah also my memory is not as sharp as it used to be. i damn near dont remeber much of anything.

 

So b/c i didnt use the dialators my vagina closed up. i think its onky open 3 inches so i have completely given up on having a sexual relationship with a man unless he has a 3 inch penis lol.

i woner if the scar tissue is too strong now and my vagina will be closed forever. is there anything i can do? i really want to get married and have sex and it feel goog.

there are days that i am very sad and depressed.