Am I being unreasonable?

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Twinzma
Twinzma Member Posts: 236 Member
in Caregivers #1

My husband is undergoing chemo & targeted therapy for CRC, thus is essentially missing a day of work every week. I do not want to be mad at him, Lord only knows what our future holds, but right now I kind of want to ring his neck. (figurativly not litterally). I am having a lot of abdominal issues, so I went to my GI today. He wants me to have a colonoscopy and upper GI on Thursday. I am not surprised and I am due to have my colonoscopy anyways since I have a history of aggressive pre-cancerous poloyps. I called my husband at his office and told him he needs to take the day off to be with me and proceded to tell me to call my friend! grrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!! So I thought I could work out a compromise, I got a 12:40 arrival time and am having my friend take me, but asked him to leave only a couple of hours early so he would be there for my recovery, hear what the GI doctor says and drive me home. His response was pretty much the same. 

I know he has an unbearable weight to carry, but so do I. I am not asking for him to take me to an elective procedure for goodness sake. Given my history, I thought I would be the one in his shoes.....maybe I am now. But I take my vows seriously especially, in the sickness and in health part. I am at every chemo session, at every dr's appointment and now I need a few hours in return. Am I being unreasonable to ask for him to be at my side now as he is fighting for his life? 

He has FEMLA so I just don't see the issue, maybe I am blind?

 

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  • Catholic
    Catholic Member Posts: 86
    #2
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    Your not being unreasonable. 

    Your not being unreasonable.  However, I wouldn't expect help from your husband.

    I remember when my wife and I came home from the hospital with our 3rd child.  We had a
    6 year old, a 4 year old and a 1-day old and my wife literally went to live in the basement fulltime.
    Was I unreasonable to ask for her help (somebody had to feed the baby, feed the other kids, do laundry,
    clean occasionally, play, sleep and pay the bills)?  I dont think I was unreasonable in asking but my wife
    couldnt help and didnt and I learned to not ask.  2 years later she was diagnosed with cancer and she
    got an apartment.  When she left, my youngest just turned 2 years old and it was actually easier getting things
    done around the house when she was gone then when she was there in the basement.  

    With cancer there is depression.  Or maybe its the other way around, with depression comes cancer.  I
    honestly dont know.  If he is undergoing chemo, just let him have his space and work with your friends
    and family. Your not unreasonable; your health and happiness is important in this world.  But I wouldnt
    look for help from your spouse until they get past chemotherapy successfully.

     

  • Twinzma
    Twinzma Member Posts: 236 Member
    #3
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    Catholic said:

    Your not being unreasonable. 

    Your not being unreasonable.  However, I wouldn't expect help from your husband.

    I remember when my wife and I came home from the hospital with our 3rd child.  We had a
    6 year old, a 4 year old and a 1-day old and my wife literally went to live in the basement fulltime.
    Was I unreasonable to ask for her help (somebody had to feed the baby, feed the other kids, do laundry,
    clean occasionally, play, sleep and pay the bills)?  I dont think I was unreasonable in asking but my wife
    couldnt help and didnt and I learned to not ask.  2 years later she was diagnosed with cancer and she
    got an apartment.  When she left, my youngest just turned 2 years old and it was actually easier getting things
    done around the house when she was gone then when she was there in the basement.  

    With cancer there is depression.  Or maybe its the other way around, with depression comes cancer.  I
    honestly dont know.  If he is undergoing chemo, just let him have his space and work with your friends
    and family. Your not unreasonable; your health and happiness is important in this world.  But I wouldnt
    look for help from your spouse until they get past chemotherapy successfully.

     

    Thank you

    Your perspective is so helpful. I am so sorry for the way that this horrible disease has effected you and your children. I have no family to turn to for support. My mother is 88 and I care for her as well. The downfall of being an only child I suppose. My husband has been my rock for over 20 years and I am his. I suffer from depression myself had it not been for my rock, and my faith I don't know if I would have made it thorugh my fathers death 2 years ago. 

    It's been so hard since my husband was diagnoised to learn how to approch certian situations. This is just something else I will have to learn to adjust to, my rock has been broken and hopefully can be put back together one day. Until then I will have to depend on my friends and God to help me get through.

    May God be with you. 

     

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