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My husband refuses help

Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2018

Hi, I'm new to this forum, and I'm so glad I found it.  My husband was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma 8 years ago!  He has not taken any meds or had any proceedures done in all these years.  He is very stiff and tired and has lost a lot of weight.  He is down to 121 now from 142.  He is basically skin and bones.  He is refusing to see the doctor, to eat much, is grumpy and basically miserable.  I have tried everything I know to do for this guy but he is not hearing any of it.  

Basically, I've had to let it go.  The more I try the worse it is for me.  I am watching my husband die and I am helpless to help.  I understand this is his journey and being the stubborn man that he is, he will just not tolerate anyone poking and proding him.  He continues to smoke and drink though as if he wants to just do what he likes until he can't anymore.  The last time he saw his oncologist they seemed unconcerned about his weight loss.  Since his last visit 1.5 years ago he has not seen anyone.  I'm not sure how he even functions....

I know there is not much anyone can say to me that I don't already know, but I was just wondering if anyone out there has a similar tale to tell.  

Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2018

Hi marmurpet, 

I'm sorry to hear about your struggle and that of your husband's. Thank you for posting your experience. We are having a similar situation with my sister, but are just starting our journey and have no idea what to do. 

My sister was diagnosed in September 2017. She did chemo for four months, after which it was discovered that her cancer had actually spread. The chemo did not do anything to help and she is refusing the additional treatments that have been recommended to her (additional chemo, stronger). Several members of our family have been trying to convince her for over a month, trying to get her to "reason" and go in for further treatments. Her cancer is in the early stages and it is very treatable at this point still, but she is refusing treatment. I am praying she will come around, but so far she is holding steady despite all of our pleading. She is also an incredibly stubborn person, always has been. I cannot even begin to understand why she is refusing treatment. We are all at a loss and clueless as to what to do. 

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