Valentine's Day? really?

I guess when you get cancer, nobody including husband has any use or feelings anymore.

I have not received a rose or even a heart box of chocolates.

Been crying all day today.  I just went back to bed.  I told him what I thought.  He said I am "abusive."  Really?

I am in pain from my blood clots and they are not getting any better.

I wish I lived alone.  At least I'd be in peace.

 

Karen

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Comments

  • HorseLvr
    HorseLvr Member Posts: 102
    I'm so sorry, Karen. You

    I'm so sorry, Karen. You deserve to be treated so much better than that.

    Are they doing anything for your blood clots?

    Gentle hugs.

  • saltycandy13
    saltycandy13 Member Posts: 167
    edited February 2018 #3
    thank you

    I have to wait to have them drained but not until March 21.  I think it's stupid of them to think my body is going to absorb them.  They haven't yet and I know my body.  We are going to try to move up the appointment but he is so booked, its difficult.

    I am in pain sometimes when I walk and especially trying to sleep at night.

     

    So much for Valentine's Day. {Content removed by CSN Support Team}

  • WinnieH
    WinnieH Member Posts: 21
    ((((HUGS))))

    ((((HUGS))))

    @--}---

    That's a rose. ;)

  • saltycandy13
    saltycandy13 Member Posts: 167
    thanks for the rose

    It's always a great feeling after you've been through Hell that your own husband doesn't give a rat's behind.  But here we are:  The Science of Survival.  That's all that matters.

  • ckdgedmom
    ckdgedmom Member Posts: 166
    I had one of those husbands

    He is now my EX!

    That being said I don't think there is a good way to go through all of this...with or without a partner. 

    I have no partner so my aunt is who I lean on since my mom passed 13 years ago. There have been many many days and nights I really really wished I had someone to love me through this. Someone to hold me when I am crying and scared...someone to tell me I was still pretty when cancer was ravaging me...someone to tell me that he will be strong for me when I am weak. But that's not how it is and I go to bed each night alone and afraid. 

    That being said my Ex would have been horrible with all of this. He is not a supportive kind of man. And not one to be loving and positive. 

    I honestly don't think anyone understands what we go through unless they have gone through it themself. It's like this---I can watch Shaun White conquer the half pipe and feel super happy for him and cry with joy but I honestly don't know how it feels to HIM because I have never been on the halfpipe or used a snowboard and I certainly have never been to the Olympics or won a medal. Only he knows how that feels...him and others who are Olympians.

    I'm sorry your husband isn't more understanding...and honestly I hate Valentines day...it raises so many expectations and they always fall short

    sending you hugs and many virtual roses...and lilies because I like lilies

  • saltycandy13
    saltycandy13 Member Posts: 167
    thank you Anice!

    You are always so kind and understanding.  Today, I am over it.  F him.  Can I write that?  LOL!  I got up, pulled myself up by the boot straps and went to the gym.   Talk to mother.  She said he's wrong "especially with the circumstances."  And I agree.  In fact, there isn't anyone that doesn't agree.

    I think it stems from jealousy to be honest.  I have a lot of nice things but I earned them myself and some are gift from mother and father.  He made reference to my shoe collection and handbags, jewelry, etc.  But a gal that just is 4 weeks post op tomorrow, would like a little rose or some chocolates just to know she's remembered and thought of.

    I would like to trade him in.  But there is nothing out there to trade with!

  • Northwoodsgirl
    Northwoodsgirl Member Posts: 571
    edited February 2018 #8
    Valentine’s blues

    So...marital relationships even during the best of times can be trying. What would your husband think if a dozen red roses were delivered to you from you! Or ....send him roses and tell him how much his love and kindness means to you at this most difficult time. Maybe a little passive aggressive...That would be quite a surprise! I imagine you are both under such stress with different needs and expectations. Good for you to start the next day with a new attitude. Go online and buy another handbag!!!  

    Lori

  • MugsBugs
    MugsBugs Member Posts: 111 Member
    I bought a robot

    This year Valentines went by the wayside - just too much going on.  Before the histerectomy  I ordered a robotic vacuum because I know the limitation of my husband (he doesn’t vacuum) and I know how dust bunnies drive me crazy.  A few days ago I said ‘Thanks for taking such good care of me’ and he said ‘Thanks for buying the robot’.  Him and the robot have really bonded!  

  • saltycandy13
    saltycandy13 Member Posts: 167
    LOL!

    I did manage to buy myself a gift.  A new jar of LaMer eye cream and some Tom Ford mascara which is the best!  Oy ve!  LOL!

    Got my eye on another pair of Christian Louboutin shoes at Neiman Marcus too.

    BTW, got a job hair modeling!  I can be seen online now if anyone wants to peek.  I'm on instagram at Metro Salon 777.  Look for the blonde named "Karen."  that is me.  There are only 2 photos so far but hey, it's a start!

  • JinVa
    JinVa Member Posts: 29
    Good for you!! And thank you

    Good for you!! And thank you for leading the way towards recovery on your terms. Nothing takes the hurt away of a spouse or partner that seems emotionally tone deaf. I wish it could cuz I know that it hurts and hate knowing that someone is sad or in pain. But I truly think it might reflect far more on him and his insecurities than it does on you. no excuses but some people are not good at expressing deep emotions like the fear of watching their partner suffer. The important thing is that you continue to mend and GO YOU for striking out in new directions! You are GORGEOUS!

  • ckdgedmom
    ckdgedmom Member Posts: 166
    edited February 2018 #12

    LOL!

    I did manage to buy myself a gift.  A new jar of LaMer eye cream and some Tom Ford mascara which is the best!  Oy ve!  LOL!

    Got my eye on another pair of Christian Louboutin shoes at Neiman Marcus too.

    BTW, got a job hair modeling!  I can be seen online now if anyone wants to peek.  I'm on instagram at Metro Salon 777.  Look for the blonde named "Karen."  that is me.  There are only 2 photos so far but hey, it's a start!

    Girl you are gorgeous!

    You are a stunner...and your hair is so beautiful (I think by now you have figured out I like hair lol)...I'm thinking of going blonder with some rose gold...told my hairdresser to give it some thought...gonna do it if our show gets nominated for best musical (we did Legally Blonde) so I think pink would be perfect for the awards show and since I work at a high school the kids want me to do it...

    I need to save up for a pair of CL...I have always wanted some...I have 2 knockoffs...

    Mascara---I am totally in love with Lancome Monsieur Big...best I have tried...let me know about the Tom Ford...I love his lipsticks...

    It's important to feel pretty when we are going through this. That's why I cold capped. I needed my hair...I have always had a thing about my hair ever since my mother forced me to get a Carol Brady shag haircut and then a Dorothy Hammil...For me my workouts make me feel strong and sexy and fixing my hair makes me feel pretty...last week I walked backstage in my pink dress, heels, and hair down and the kids started to freak out because all they ever see me in is all black with my hair in a bun and sneakers so I can run for costume changes...

    Do what makes you feel good and beautiful because you are!  And keep rocking that gorgeous blonde!

    xoxoxoxox

  • calliegirl
    calliegirl Member Posts: 54
    hugs

    please take care...i'm so sorry ...stay strong...

  • HorseLvr
    HorseLvr Member Posts: 102

    thank you

    I have to wait to have them drained but not until March 21.  I think it's stupid of them to think my body is going to absorb them.  They haven't yet and I know my body.  We are going to try to move up the appointment but he is so booked, its difficult.

    I am in pain sometimes when I walk and especially trying to sleep at night.

     

    So much for Valentine's Day. {Content removed by CSN Support Team}

    LOL! I hope you can get that

    LOL! I hope you can get that date moved up. Hope you are feeling better now.

  • saltycandy13
    saltycandy13 Member Posts: 167
    thank you ladies.

    for being so kind.  They are not the best photos, but hopefully more will be on in a few months.  I'm kind of the "it" girl for blondes right now.  I think it's silly but hey, something different you know.

    Tom Ford is best mascara.  It's Tom Ford "extreme."  It gives that false eye lash look.  And yes, his lipsticks are great!

    I have a collection of Christian Louboutin shoes.  I have been collecting for 4 years now and have 8 pairs.  Did I mention I am broke?  LOL!

    Went to the plasti surgeon today too.  He was already to inject me with Juvederm but seeing I am on 600mg of Motrin, he said I would bruise and bleed horribly so I have to go back next week.

    I'm trying to get my life back to normal.

    Anice: the hair thing is difficult to maintain!  I have to go every 8 weeks!  But blondes have more fun!  LOL

    Again, thank you.  It's good for the soul and a nice relief to talk about something besides our cancer or past cancer or fear of recurring cancers.

    Karen

  • pinky104
    pinky104 Member Posts: 574

    Valentine’s blues

    So...marital relationships even during the best of times can be trying. What would your husband think if a dozen red roses were delivered to you from you! Or ....send him roses and tell him how much his love and kindness means to you at this most difficult time. Maybe a little passive aggressive...That would be quite a surprise! I imagine you are both under such stress with different needs and expectations. Good for you to start the next day with a new attitude. Go online and buy another handbag!!!  

    Lori

    Roses from you

    I worked with a girl years ago who did that--she sent herself flowers at work.  I think she was trying to make her husband jealous plus make herself look better than she actually was to her co-workers, pretending they came from her husband.  She got divorced a few years later.  It didn't work out for her.

  • CheeseQueen57
    CheeseQueen57 Member Posts: 933

    thank you ladies.

    for being so kind.  They are not the best photos, but hopefully more will be on in a few months.  I'm kind of the "it" girl for blondes right now.  I think it's silly but hey, something different you know.

    Tom Ford is best mascara.  It's Tom Ford "extreme."  It gives that false eye lash look.  And yes, his lipsticks are great!

    I have a collection of Christian Louboutin shoes.  I have been collecting for 4 years now and have 8 pairs.  Did I mention I am broke?  LOL!

    Went to the plasti surgeon today too.  He was already to inject me with Juvederm but seeing I am on 600mg of Motrin, he said I would bruise and bleed horribly so I have to go back next week.

    I'm trying to get my life back to normal.

    Anice: the hair thing is difficult to maintain!  I have to go every 8 weeks!  But blondes have more fun!  LOL

    Again, thank you.  It's good for the soul and a nice relief to talk about something besides our cancer or past cancer or fear of recurring cancers.

    Karen

    Hair, shoes, lashes, oh my

    Don’t get me wrong, Karen. I’m so happy you didn’t have to have any further treatment but I just have to speak out for those of us that are still fighting for our lives. Those of us who are experiencing the heartbreak of losing our hair and will be basically bald for a year before it grows back.  And have lost all of our eyelashes and eyebrows and are trying to draw them in. Those of us who will never be able to wear fancy heels again because of debilitating neuropathy.  Those of us who are just grateful to be able to spend another Valentines Day with our loved ones even if we don’t get roses and candy. Those of us who survived frontline treatment and are now dealing with the complications of that treatment or the disappointment of going through all that and still having a reoccurrence. That’s our new normal. And it‘s a fight mentally and physically to survive every day. I realize that’s a very different reality from yours but that is the reality of many of this group. 

  • NoTimeForCancer
    NoTimeForCancer Member Posts: 2,999 Member

    Hair, shoes, lashes, oh my

    Don’t get me wrong, Karen. I’m so happy you didn’t have to have any further treatment but I just have to speak out for those of us that are still fighting for our lives. Those of us who are experiencing the heartbreak of losing our hair and will be basically bald for a year before it grows back.  And have lost all of our eyelashes and eyebrows and are trying to draw them in. Those of us who will never be able to wear fancy heels again because of debilitating neuropathy.  Those of us who are just grateful to be able to spend another Valentines Day with our loved ones even if we don’t get roses and candy. Those of us who survived frontline treatment and are now dealing with the complications of that treatment or the disappointment of going through all that and still having a reoccurrence. That’s our new normal. And it‘s a fight mentally and physically to survive every day. I realize that’s a very different reality from yours but that is the reality of many of this group. 

    Thank you, CQ.  I have not

    Thank you, CQ.  I have not made any comments because I can't help but feel the way you do, and simply, have not been able to find the words.  I am SO grateful that I have survived five years after losing, what I have counted, 30 friends I know personally and on this board.  (Yes, I keep count and have a list of all the wonderful ladies I mourn)

    I remember being bald and watching the commercials about what a big deal made about long, flowing, hair and I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror.  Yes - it punches you in the face as to what really is important.

    I work on not complaining because I know there are so much that are going through so much and would give anything to be where I am at today.  While I pray for those we have lost, I pray for those who continue to fight.  

  • ckdgedmom
    ckdgedmom Member Posts: 166
    I am sorry if you were offended

    I found it refreshing to talk about something other than sad stuff but I understand others feeling differently...

    I did not lose my hair because I cold capped but I did lose my lashes and brows. I have been going through this alone without a partner and I have stage 4B UPSC and it travelled to my neck so yeah things aren't rosy for me but laughing with a girlfriend felt good because the rest is very hard to deal with.

    I wish you ladies well but I am gonna take a break from this board for a while...I find it dragging me down and not lifting me up and it's more than I wish to handle at this time.

    To the ladies I have made friends with on this board you can contact me through the private email here and we can stay conncected but for now this board is not sustaining my in a good way...

    Good luck to all of you...you will be in my prayers...

    Peace out

     

     

  • MAbound
    MAbound Member Posts: 1,164 Member
    edited February 2018 #20
    Amen Cheese

    Well said. I think you expressed beautifully what a lot of us have been thinking. Thank you!

  • derMaus
    derMaus Member Posts: 558

    Thank you, CQ.  I have not

    Thank you, CQ.  I have not made any comments because I can't help but feel the way you do, and simply, have not been able to find the words.  I am SO grateful that I have survived five years after losing, what I have counted, 30 friends I know personally and on this board.  (Yes, I keep count and have a list of all the wonderful ladies I mourn)

    I remember being bald and watching the commercials about what a big deal made about long, flowing, hair and I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror.  Yes - it punches you in the face as to what really is important.

    I work on not complaining because I know there are so much that are going through so much and would give anything to be where I am at today.  While I pray for those we have lost, I pray for those who continue to fight.  

    Thanks, Cheese and NoTime

    Love clothes, love makeup, got lotsa blogs for those, whee! What I really need is a suggestion about how to get my eyelashes to grow again such that I can use mascara. Any ideas? That's what I come here for -- specialized advice about our regretably 'special' condition. It ain't a downer, it's just reality.