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Post Hysterectomy Depression and I have it

Hi Ladies, I've been holding this in but I just have to vent and I'd take a kind word if this all doesn't leave anyone speechless.

 

Fact is, I don't feel good.  Everyday is a challenge for me.  I have to see the post operative doctor tomorrow.  Husband told me to make a list of things.  I filled 3 pages.

 

if anyone has any answers, please let me know.  I know you are all kind and sensitive and considerate.  But I will admit, MUCH stronger than me.  Here is my list

 

1. What stage is this cancer?  When you said "early cancer," what does it mean?

2.Do I still have cancer?

3.Where does it recurr?  I've read vaginal cuff or vault?

4.I have chest pain off and on - never had it before this surgery.  why?

5.Belly Button started bleeding on Sunday night.  I don't know why.  it has stopped now

6.I have a lump under the sutures.  It is huge and painful to touch

7.Have pains in ovaries (bad cramping) but I have no ovaries.  IS this what they call Phantom pains?  why?  does it hurt so bad?

8.Hurts to have a bowel movement.  Very painful.  I am afraid I will get that thing, Rectocele?

9.I feel things moving around inside of me when I walk like all my organs are looose

10 have constant pain on left side where the nurse so boldy pushed in a blood clot in the recovery room.  It bruised me down my leg on the left side.  all this bruising is painful.

11 I feel this surgery has aged me.

12 the bruising is so severe, it actually makes me sick to my stomach to look at it.  don't want to wash it.  am in pain for hours afterward

13 my stomach is swollen.  It doesn't seem to be improving much at all.  I am sick of wearing yoga pants

14 I am depressed.  will not take depression pills.  I was on those for hot flashes and they make me sweat, hallucinate and very sick.  usually vomit. 

15 I have started bleeding.  now what?

16.my hot flashes are from HELL.  I miss my HRT.  don't feel like the same person without it.

17  I wonder who I am now.  Or what I am

 

I also have fits of anxiety where I want to tear my hair out.  I suffer from chronic migraines and that is enough to deal with and now there is pain in my head and down below.  I am SO DISGUSTED.

 

karen

Comments

  • barnyardgal
    barnyardgal Member Posts: 272
    I'm sorry. I felt odd after

    I'm sorry. I felt odd after surgery. Sort of like phantom ovaries, I guess. That weird feeling went away after 6 weeks or so. I did bleed the first two weeks or so, and then had some discharge until 6 weeks. I did have bruising which were big round circles.  I'm sorry you have depression.

  • saltycandy13
    saltycandy13 Member Posts: 167
    edited January 2018 #3
    thank you

    thank you barnyardgal.  At least I dont feel alone

  • evolo58
    evolo58 Member Posts: 293
    edited January 2018 #4
    I read here and elsewhere

    I read here and elsewhere that the bloating can last for weeks; even months. Let's face it .... your body has been through the wringer! (Since my surgery will hopefully be in two and a half weeks, I might be in the same boat as you shortly!)

    I do know that many women go for drawstring, scrub or maternity pants at this time. When I had my myo, the bloating did take a little while to go down, though I would guess that it won't be as bad as a hysterectomy. My mother-in-law, who had a hysterectomy, got me two-piece lounging outfits about a size or two larger with loose elastic waistbands. A little old-fashioned, but really comfy, and if someone dropped by, were a nice compromise between PJs and a normal outfit. I wore them until they wore out, even after the swelling went down.

    This one might be a little older for your tastes, but it was along the line of what I wore. There are others:

    https://www.amazon.com/Stan-Herman-Womens-2-Piece-Lounge/dp/B00U0M9JKU

  • Northwoodsgirl
    Northwoodsgirl Member Posts: 571
    So many changes ....

    I am sorry you are so anxious and have so many outstanding questions needing answers.  Your mind seems to be working so hard trying to understand and control what is going on- all the changes.

    All the changing body image and sensations are overwhelming at times. 

    Share your concerns and questions with your MD. Likely she/he will be able to put your questions and concerns into perspective and offer you “interventions” which may be meds, complimentary medicine, or some other treatment or explaination to all you are experiencing. No one should have to suffer as it seems you are suffering. Please make an appointment as soon as possible to help you. 

     

  • saltycandy13
    saltycandy13 Member Posts: 167
    edited January 2018 #6
    absolutely!

    thanks, ladies.  I have an appointment tomorrow with the gyno/oncologist.  Hopefully he will clarify things for me.

  • Big Apple
    Big Apple Member Posts: 11
    I hope you get some good

    I hope you get some good answers from the doctor tomorrow.

  • MrsBerry
    MrsBerry Member Posts: 102
    Aw salty so sorry you are

    Aw salty so sorry you are feeling down. I hope you get some answers tomorrow. 

    Perhaps there are activities that you can indulge that will occupy your mind and spirit as you recuperate. Lose yourself in a good book, work a jigsaw puzzle, watch the birds through your window as you drink a cup of hot tea...whatever renews your heart.

    if nothing else, remember we are thinking of you and wishing you healing and strength. 

  • saltycandy13
    saltycandy13 Member Posts: 167
    doctor explained

    Hi and thanks to all who posted.  Yes, Mrs. Berry you are right.

    Went to see gyno=oncologist today.  We ended up laughing.  So now I understand what I had, what I am going through and how to remedy it.  He's just a warm and fuzzy doctor which is rare these days.  Even held my hand.

  • MugsBugs
    MugsBugs Member Posts: 111
    edited January 2018 #10
    Bright side no housework

    My doctor said no housework for 6 weeks - that is something to be happy for - woo hoo!  Anticipating this I bought a new robotic vacuum (my husband will vacuum occasionally but not consistently).  I have a new love - I can control him from my phone and he does a decent job.

  • HorseLvr
    HorseLvr Member Posts: 102
    I'm so sorry you are feeling

    I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. Hope things get better for you real soon.

  • saltycandy13
    saltycandy13 Member Posts: 167
    absolutely!

    thanks.  I am doing better.  Bruising is a little better. but still get phantom pains where I have no ovaries. Weird.  I still think my other parts are saying "hey, where did you go?"  At least I haven't lost my sense of humor.

    I'm a rather impatient person.  I just need time to heal.Kiss

  • ckdgedmom
    ckdgedmom Member Posts: 166

    absolutely!

    thanks.  I am doing better.  Bruising is a little better. but still get phantom pains where I have no ovaries. Weird.  I still think my other parts are saying "hey, where did you go?"  At least I haven't lost my sense of humor.

    I'm a rather impatient person.  I just need time to heal.Kiss

    glad to hear you are doing better

    I've been so busy at work I finally had time to check in here...glad to see you are better...

    I had the phantom ovary pain for quite a while...and for the first few months it felt odd to lay on my side...I felt like I could feel things shifting in the empty space where my girl parts used to be...

    glad you found a good doctor---as I have mentioned mine is the most wonderful man I have ever met...he puts up with all my tears and fussing and holds me when I cry...and his staff is wonderful too...it makes a difference...

    xoxo