Diagnosed with squamous today

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Pete215
Pete215 Member Posts: 1
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

Diagnosed today with squamous cancer. Growth on my tonsil could be from HPV virus. Will not find out out until I get pet scan done sometime next week. I am so scared but trying to be positive. how do I explain to my 16 yr old daughter?

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  • Tonita
    Tonita Member Posts: 197 Member
    #2
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    You calmly explain it terms

    You calmly explain it terms she can understand.  She'll be scared, you are scared...we can't cure "normal".  She'll be fine, just keep her informed.

  • ByeByeCancer
    ByeByeCancer Member Posts: 54 Member
    #3
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    We are also wondering what to tell this kids!

    My husband was also recently diagnosed with Base of Tongue Squamous Cell cancer.  He began Erbitux 2 days ago and starts radiation next Monday!  This has all happened so fast.  Confirmed yesterday that it is HPV+.  We do not want our kids to worry...but do want to let them know something.  Haven't told them yet so I'm going to follow this post to see if anyone has any tips.  Kids are 10 and 13.  I am definitely going to get them the HPV vaccine soon!

  • Dean54
    Dean54 Member Posts: 160 Member
    #4
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    Pete, I was just diagnosed a

    Pete, I was just diagnosed a month ago or so, already had my tonsils out, a few teeth, and am getting ready for treatments to start soon and I was/am so scared I can't hardly get out of bed. Mine is also caused by HPV and the first thing my wife said was "well I wondered who gave you that"? Like I did something wrong or behind her back.

    Get ready to get bombarded by phone calls, doc appt. etc...Good luck, and since I'm a few weeks ahead of you if I can answer anything, Ill try. This seems like a great site and several kind people have been there for me already.

  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #5
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    Tell her....

    up front and confident that you'll get passed this, just as RC advised.  She is 16....she'll be scared for her Daddy, but she'll also be great support.  You ARE going to get passed this, you know.  

    p

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,722 Member
    #6
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    welcome

    Pete215,

    Welcome to the H&N forum, I am sorry that you are here.

    16 is a knowledgeable age, she will know something is up. Just tell her and explain what you need to.  Whether the question about HPV comes up or not, is not the question.  HPV can remain dormant for many, many years.  If you explain some of the timeline highlights to treatment, she won’t be too surprised.

    My explanation, I have cancer, I am in the treatment planning stage, I will start chemo and radiation soon, I would briefly describe the treatment options,  I may feel nauseated and tired for the next few months, at 3 weeks in I will lose my taste buds (most people temporally) and will have difficulty eating normal foods, this will continue till the end of treatment and for some time following.  The most common side effects are dry mouth, lack of saliva and throat, mouth and tongue discomfort.  I will have to play my activity level by ear, until the side effects reveal where this treatment takes me.

    All these changes will start to improve following treatment and I will hopefully be without cancer.

    If she wants, let her read the H&N forum, it is scary, but some members do very well.  I would hold off telling her, we are still going on an island vacation in November.  The point is, you just don’t know how you will do until they let you have it (in a nice way).

    I don’t know, take what you want and leave the rest, this is your life.

    The very best of luck,

    Matt

  • rcaulder
    rcaulder Member Posts: 70
    #7
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    Know you'll be OK

    My kids were 11 at the time. Stage 4 HPV postive.  I just let them know right up front. I was just confident in letting them know I was going to be OK. You're going to be ok. Just a hard road the next few months with treatment. This this cancer is very treatable.  My kids were very important during that period of time. They were supports. We're a home of believers. I took the opportunity to show them the power of God.  God has power over all flesh. I just knew I was going to be Ok and let the kids sense that. 

  • johnsonbl
    johnsonbl Member Posts: 266 Member
    #8
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    Welcome to a really crappy club...

    I was diagnosed in January...now, almost 6 months post treatment.  HPV+ lingual tonsil.  I had to tell my kids (11,8,5)...it sucks...my oldest worried about me.  I just reassured him that everything was going to be ok.  Told him I was scared and worried too but that I was confident we could treat it and cure it.  16 is old enough to just be honest with.  I'd go with that.  :-)

    If it IS HPV+ it is very curable...  so take it one step at a time.  This board is great to bounce questions off of.  You'll do great.


    Brandon

  • traceyd1
    traceyd1 Member Posts: 79 Member
    #9
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    Be honest

    Our kids were 18, 16, and 8 when my husband was diagnosed.  We were honest with all of them, but didn't go into as much detail with my second grader.  We also tried to maintain a sense of humor.  Once when we were going out to lunch, my husband wanted Chinese, and I wasn't feeling it.  My 8 year old said, "but, Mom, Dad has CANCER."  Of course we had Chinese, and from that point, we were able to see that we could laugh again.  There were plenty of UNfunny moments, but we definitely used humor to help our kids handle things.  Good luck!

     

  • Ferg61
    Ferg61 Member Posts: 12
    #10
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    Diagnosis

    Hi Pete,

    Welcome to board.  Sorry for your diagnosis. 

    I also had SSC no virus.  I had stage III Nasophargeal Cancer 8 Year Survior.  My daughter was in high school at the time and was 16.  We sat down told her.  Throughout my treatment she chose not to believe I had cancer.  She was in total denial.  My middle daughter who was 24 at time was also in denial. My oldest daughter was my rock. She was 27 at the time.  Only the youngest daughter was home with us and the other two lived in VA.

    By my daughter being in denial it just caused me to stay strong and fight.  Halfway through my treatment my daughter asked if she could go with me to my treatment.  She went and then came around.  She ended up being my greatest help, support.

    Hope this helps.  Stay strong and fight.

     

    Hugs,

     

    Ferg

  • Tonita
    Tonita Member Posts: 197 Member
    #11
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    One of my sons came with me

    One of my sons came with me to one of my appointments after diagnosis and before the surgery, but he's a grown man, but still.  The doctor was very reassuring.  You might want to consider having her go with you to one of your appointments.

  • SuzJ
    SuzJ Member Posts: 427 Member
    edited September 2017 #12
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    my son

    hes not as young.. hes 25

     

    He has been my rock, hes alwaus there for me, no matter what.

     

    Give her a chance to show you what she's made of, out kids are tough, I think she'll suprise you.

  • Mavish
    Mavish Member Posts: 84 Member
    #13
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    My daughter was 17 when I was

    My daughter was 17 when I was diagnosed. She alredy knew that I had biopsy. So she searched it up on the web to undetstand what it could be. So there iwas no way to hide from them. I have started with the good news that this is a curable cancer. Than expained the treatment options and side effects. She was very scared, however there is noting to do aboit it. We tried to keep communicarion channels open. I try to share how I was feeling to encourage her sharing her feelings but she prefrred to not to share much. I respected that. It was a difficult time but we survived. You will be fine too. HPV positivityy is a very indicator of good prognosis. Many people caries the virus but cancer develop s in few.

     

     

  • Bionicguy
    Bionicguy Member Posts: 22
    #14
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    My Kids Were all older

    Even though my kids were all older (34-40) it was still hard to say the words out loud. I fing just going with the truth and explaining things calmly is best. 

  • danecornel
    danecornel Member Posts: 7
    edited October 2017 #15
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    I'm with you brother.

    Me too. Just found out yesterday that they think it's tongue cancer in the back of my throat. Been reading stuff on the internet...YIKES...freaked out. I'd like to hear more about what you go through and I'll share too. Not sure how we get back to each other on this chat board. I just signed on. Good luck to you friend. I guess all of us are new friends...sort of a family of happy survivors and freaked out people...YIKES

  • Maximus10000
    Maximus10000 Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2017 #16
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    SCC Base of Tongue HPV16

    Doctor said head n neck HPV cancers high cure rate.  I just finished treatment 2.5  weeks ago.  Its brutal to be sure.  6 cisplatin chemo and 35 radiation treatments.  I have a PEG feeding tube so i only lost 18 lbs....so far.  At this point the sores on my tongue are all but gone but my throat is raw!!!  Having trouble swallowing anything but water.  Each passing week is a little better.  Probably have this feeding tube for another month.  

  • nikolaf
    nikolaf Member Posts: 50
    #17
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    danecornel said:

    I'm with you brother.

    Me too. Just found out yesterday that they think it's tongue cancer in the back of my throat. Been reading stuff on the internet...YIKES...freaked out. I'd like to hear more about what you go through and I'll share too. Not sure how we get back to each other on this chat board. I just signed on. Good luck to you friend. I guess all of us are new friends...sort of a family of happy survivors and freaked out people...YIKES

    Danecornel

    my advice don't look at old research-- make sure you look for the newest reports, research, etc.  good luck to you!

  • Emptywun
    Emptywun Member Posts: 2
    #18
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    Pete 215, there is light at the other end of this!

    Believe me, I did not want to hear my diagnosis...not even a little bit.  Now, looking back through surgery, chemo, radiation, and all the other stuff I've endured, I realize that while it wasn't fun, it didn't destroy me either.  I'm still me, and I'm recovering pretty well all things considered.  You will, too.  It absolutely has made a huge difference to know that my friends, family, and church family have all been praying for me too.  If you don't have a good support system around you, I'd make a point of finding one!

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